Pain.
What was pain?
Was it just the physical or emotional distress that arose in response to an event such as injury
or death? Or was there more to it?
I wasn’t too sure myself.
All I knew was that I’d have to experience pain in order to become stronger.
This was the fastest method I had available.
Flip, flip-
Each time I turned a page, I felt myself become stronger.
But at the same time,
“Ukh-!”
I also felt an unbearable amount of pain.
There were a total of 158 pages.
Each page brought a new wave of pain, yet with every surge of agony, I felt my strength grow. It was as if the suffering was a catalyst for my power, serving as some sort of anchor that prevented me from going insane.
It also made me think about pain.
What was it, and why did I make myself go through it?
This was obviously the fastest method and I was used to this type of abuse. I wasn’t
unfamiliar with pain.
In the last moments of my life, I could distinctly recall the pain I felt then-the pain with each breath and the pain of just trying to keep my eyes open.
I could recall all of it.
But what I could recall best wasn’t the physical pain.
No, it was the emotional pain.
The pain that came from abandoning my brother, my one and only remaining family.
The pain that came from knowing I wouldn’t amount to anything besides being a regular salesman.
The pain that came from realizing that I probably didn’t have a tomorrow.
The pain of not being able to have hope.
The pain of…
‘….WW-what page am I on?’
Flip-!
[153]
Ah, I was close.
My hand shook and my vision blurred.
As the pain intensified, I began to recall the times I had pushed myself to the brink of exhaustion. From the mental torment I endured to unlock my first spell, to the emotional suffering I inflicted upon myself to break free from the illusionary world that belonged to Pebble.
It was also then that I realized something…
I put myself through a lot of pain, didn’t I?
Flip-!
[154]
I tried to deny it, but there was no denying it.
All I knew was pain.
I had suffered through so much of it that I reached a point where I didn’t mind going through
it.
Flip-!
[155]
My breathing became rouch, each gasp feeling like a desperate struggle. I felt suffocated as my muscles spammed uncontrollably.
‘A… little bit more.’
I clenched my fist in silence.
A surge of unprecedented power coursed through my veins, electrifying every nerve in my body. This newfound strength was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, giving rise to a euphoric feeling.
…And also served as a reminder to me.
Pain was rewarding.
I put myself through pain because I knew that on the other side of the pain was my goal.
‘Yes, this isn’t the wrong path.’
For a moment, I almost doubted myself.
But it was clear to me.
‘… Without pain, I wouldn’t be where I am.’
Therefore,
Looking down at the red book, my resolution strengthened and I flipped to the next page.
Flip-
[156]
I was now two pages away from completing the book.
Two more pages until I could finally defeat the monster and for the pain to disappear.
As I felt the power surge back into my body, I knew I hadn’t been wrong. I knew this was the right method.
I…
Flip-
[157]
“Uaaakh-!”
I screamed my heart out.
Though it was all an illusion, it almost felt like all the bones in my body had shattered while
fire surrounded me, burning every part of my body alive.
“Ukh!”
This pain…
It was too much.
How could a human go through such pain?
Why would someone even make themselves go through such pain?
‘No, it’s fine. I’m almost there.’
Looking at the book in my hand, I reached for the last page. So long as I turned that page,
everything would stop.
‘Yes, last page…!’
“Kh-!”
Reaching out for it, the page felt heavy.
Heavier than all the other pages combined. My muscles strained as I tried to push the last and
final page.
Once I turned this page, everything would…
‘No, wait…’
Just as I was about to turn to the very last page, I stopped.
In a moment of clarity, I realized something.
‘…Aren’t I just repeating everything that I’ve been doing up until now.’
All of a sudden, everything felt wrong.
[Do you finally, realize it?]
A voice whispered in my ear right after I stopped.
[What is pain?]
Suffering.
Reaction to stimuli.
Pain was…
[Your obsession.]
Ah.
[You subject yourself to pain because it’s your comfort zone. You’ve experienced so much pain
that it becomes your first thought whenever you want to tackle a problem.]
I thought back to the past.
Could I have handled a lot of my previous problems in the past differently?
Could I have unlocked my first spell without torturing myself?
Could I have tackled the situation in the mid-space differently?
Could I have grown stronger without pain?
I didn’t truly know the answer, but…
[You don’t hate yourself.]
I don’t.
[But pain makes you think you hate yourself.]
I know.
[Let go of it.]
But I’m almost there.
If I just turned the next page.
[Let go of your obsession.]
My hand shook.
Staring at the page in front of me that was about to turn to the last page, I felt hesitant. I
didn’t want to let it go when I was so close to the goal.
I didn’t want to use the blue book.
I didn’t want to wait so long.
I…
“Hoo.”
Plack-
I let go.
Immediately, power sapped away from my body and I felt weak again.
Yes, weak.
But despite feeling weak, my mind felt clear.
Taking one last look at the red book, I closed my eyes and tossed it to the side while picking
up the blue book.
Opening it, power surged through my body.
It was slower, but it didn’t hurt.
I could think.
Flip-!
*
Time passed.
I didn’t know how long passed.
I just knew that a lot of time passed. Perhaps a day had passed, or even more.
Even so, in those few days that passed, I remained absorbed in the book in front of me. Each
page felt like a chore. As though I was reading a page with no paragraphs and just long lines of
text, but I was making progress.
My strength was increasing.
…And just like the previous book, it only had 158 pages.
Flip-
[158]
“I’m done.”
Staring at the last page, I felt empty.
That’s it?
I finished?
The experience was entirely different from the red book where each page felt incredibly
agonizing to read through.
This felt a lot easier and refreshing to some extent.
Growl~
Lifting my head to look into the distance, I placed the book to the side and stood up.
Should I test the fruit of my patience?
No, more than anything, I just wanted to show the old man that I wasn’t an idiot. That I could
accomplish the task he had given me.
Growl~
“Yes, yes. I’m coming.”
Taking a step forward, I moved toward the monster. Just like before, it was gruesome to
behold-the twisted goat head, the sickly, mottled skin that seemed to ripple with every movement, and its two large horns.
However, unlike before, I didn’t feel as pressured nor did I feel as rushed.
I could defeat this monster.
At my own pace.
Growl-!
With a deafening growl, the monster charged at me, each of its steps causing the surrounding
cave to tremble as if it were on the brink of collapse.
Seeing its large figure charge at me, I waited until the very last moment before acting.
A green orb appeared in my vision as I lightly kicked the ground and jumped up.
Bang!
The surroundings trembled as the monster’s horns crashed into the spot I had been just a few
moments prior, sending a shockwave through the air.
“Groooaah-!”
Recovering swiftly, the monster let out a furious howl, its head snapping toward me as I
floated just above it, out of its reach. It was just about to move when I stepped into the air and
my body suddenly plummeted down fast.
BANG-!
Landing right on the monster’s body, I heard a faint cracking sound as the monster let out a
howl of pain. “Uaaah!”
But I wasn’t done.
Closing my eyes, I felt something shift beneath my feet, spreading outwards and coating
every inch of the cave with a dark film. The surroundings seemed to dissolve, fading into the
oppressive blackness.
“Uke-!”
“Quiet.”
As the monster was about to howl again, a large purple hand emerged from the darkness,
clamping its mouth shut.
But that wasn’t the only hand that appeared.
Moments later, several massive purple hands emerged from beneath the monster, grasping
and clamping down on every part of its body, pinning it in place, rendering it completely
immobile.
The monster tried to thrash around, but it was no use. With each passing second, its eyes grew more and more slack.
That was when I leaped off the monster’s body, moving silently in front of it. I stopped just
before its head, meeting its gaze as I pressed my finger gently against the top of its forehead.
As I did, I couldn’t help but recall a certain question.
What is pain?
My old friend.
The only companion I’ve ever known.
My refuge, my escape, and my…
Obsession.
That’s why…
I have to let go.
Xiu!
Goodbye.
■ EXP + 171%
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