Truth be told, from the moment Damien came to visit her, Rose was elated. It’d been so long since the two of them were able to spend quality time together.
But when he started talking, her joyful feeling slowly faded. She already knew he was coming to have a serious talk with her, she just didn’t know that it would come so suddenly.
And as he continued talking, Rose was slowly forced to remember the feelings she was trying to bury.
Was she angry? Yes. Did she know why she was angry? Very clearly.
The problem was, a great deal of her anger cleared up the second Damien brought himself to apologize. Because knowing him, doing so and laying his feelings bare was probably one of the greatest challenges he could face.
His decision to break that barrier for her was extremely endearing.
But at the same time, she couldn’t just accept his apology as it was.
It was strange. Rose didn’t really know how to feel at all. There were two sides of her furiously struggling within.
On one side was her “understanding” and “unconditionally supportive” personality. The part of her that wanted her to accept his apology immediately and embrace him.
This side of her wasn’t driven as much by emotions. Rather, it was a side she developed after Damien told her about Elena.
She had a thought. She was the first wife, so she should uphold the dignity of the first wife position. From then on, she began doing many things for Damien’s sake, prioritizing his well-being over her own feelings.
The “understanding first wife” within her wanted to drop this whole matter and return to being lovey-dovey, but Rose understood that doing so would just be avoiding the problem. Letting her inner heart seethe in turmoil without being addressed wouldn’t bring even a single good result.
And then, there was the other side of her. At the end of the day, Rose was still a woman. The first wife persona that she tried to enforce upon herself couldn’t suppress the feelings she felt due to Damien’s negligence.
The resentment and sorrow in her heart refused to be quelled with something so simple as a verbal apology. Even when knowing that hearing this kind of apology from someone like Damien was a rare thing in and of itself.
Damien was right. She really did feel abandoned when he left her alone on the Central Continent. And even though Elena was there to accompany her, there was a large rift between them back then due to their shared feelings for Damien.
That rift, of course, closed with time, bringing her closer to Elena than she was to her own sisters. But that didn’t change the fact that she felt abandoned and lonely constantly.
Forcing herself to cultivate nonstop, take missions whenever she could, and overall keep so busy that she couldn’t think about anything else was the only way she could get rid of her negative emotions at the beginning.
It hurt. And because it hurt so much, she felt even more unresigned at the fact that it took Damien so much effort to squeeze out a simple apology.
But she could feel the feelings behind that apology, feelings far deeper than his words conveyed. Perhaps it was a benefit of mana, or perhaps it was due to her special eyes. Regardless of the reason, she could clearly feel it.
The worst part of it all was that neither side of her was necessarily correct. She just couldn’t find the middle ground where she could settle herself.
And so, she was incredibly conflicted on how to act and what to say.
Without her realizing it, tears began to trickle down her face. When she raised her head and looked into that strange pair of pupils, her mouth opened on its own.
“I can’t forgive you so easily.”
She couldn’t come to a decision, so she decided not to bother about it. Just like Damien had done, she chose to speak whatever came to her mind, while hoping to convey her earnest emotions as she spoke.
“I-I don’t quite understand how I’m feeling at all, and I don’t know how to respond to your apology. On one hand, I don’t think there’s anything for you to apologize for, and on the other, I feel like a simple apology doesn’t mean anything in this situation.
“It’s not like my feelings for you have changed. Perhaps it’s because of how deeply my feelings have rooted themselves in my heart that I feel so conflicted about what to do now. Because I love you, I can support you unconditionally, but because I love you, I cannot forgive you.”
It wasn’t just about what happened back then. As Damien said before, he ruined their reunion by going and sleeping with Elena behind her back.
Rose felt a feeling she didn’t think she would ever feel. It was the feeling that she created her “first wife” persona to avoid.
Jealousy.
Ugly and deceitful jealousy that tried to take control of her heart. Even she didn’t realize how possessive she was until this incident.
“We are both too new to being in relationships, and we both have scars related to trusting people and putting our feelings on the table. With this kind of setup, it’s only natural that a problem like this would arise at some point.
“Right now, I can’t decide which opinion of mine is right. I think the best thing for us to do is just continue like we usually are. Maybe through spending time together, I can slowly forgive you and settle my internal struggle.”
Rose sat up and looked down at Damien. “Still, even though the emotional problems can be settled over time, not everything is the same.”
Rose shifted her position, turning her body and mounting Damien like a horse. Looking down at him from above, Rose flashed a sly grin.
“Elena is my precious little sister. I can’t lose to her like this now, can I?”
Damien’s eyes widened. Only when he felt Rose’s hands snaking across his abs and lifting his shirt did he realize what was happening.
‘Wasn’t this supposed to be an emotional moment?!’ He fretted inwardly. Although he did want to do it with Rose soon, he didn’t think now was the opportune time.
“H-hey, calm down now. What ever happened to romance? You know, setting the mood and everything.”
Rose raised her brow. “What mood? I didn’t think that of the two of us, you’d be the one clamoring about romance.”
Damien cringed. “Ugh, come on. I’m serious about this. I don’t think we’re in the right atmosphere to do something like this.”
Rose rolled her eyes. No matter how domineering he was on the battlefield, as expected, her man was still so indecisive about the important things.
Seeing his hesitation, she shrugged and got off of his stomach. “Fine then.”
But just as Damien was about to sigh in relief, Rose stood up in front of him and started slowly undoing her top.
Her arm moved gracefully across her body, reaching the opposite shoulder and sliding down the cloth covering it.
Rose smiled sensually. “If it’s the mood that’s the problem, then I just need to create the right mood, right?”