On Saturday, April 19th, at Feng Bujue’s home, Xiao Tan, Master Bao, and Brother Jue were seated on the sofa in the living room, staring at the television. The table before them was filled with take-out, bought with the fee that Brother Jue had earned from his writing and TV appearance. Feng Bujue had already connected a video file on his laptop onto the television, so he could watch it directly from the TV. The content of this video was the episode for ’I Am a Writer’ that he had recorded one week earlier.
“The episode will be aired next Friday, and this is… an hour long precut version. During the actual showing, it will be cut down to forty-five minutes.” Feng Bujue raised the remote and said before pressing the button, “Are you sure you want to watch this?”
“Stop wasting time,” Master Bao urged. “Hurry up. My wife is waiting for me at home for dinner.”
Xiao Tan was also excited. “Quick, this is the first time someone I know has been on TV.”
“Alright… fine.” Feng Bujue pressed the button. Strange images from horror movies appeared on the screen, but this only continued for one or two seconds. This was probably a file problem. After all, this was not the final version, so it was normal for there to be problems. The video started for real. The camera panned from above, pulling closer to the center of the stage. Over the years, the lighting managers for variety shows appeared to have lost their mind. They did not seem satisfied until they blinded the eyes of all the viewers, and that was also the case with this show. The spotlights on the stage flickered, and the camera moved with them.
The contestants’ corner was dim. Seven contestants sat next to each other with one meter between them, and each of them had a panel before them. The light hit them from a strange angle so that the audience could see their outline clearly but not their faces. As the music began, a host walked onto the stage. Compared to a certain fatty from the Death Quiz, this host was more believable. He was dressed in a casual tux and had an earpiece in. He walked steadily to the middle of the stage. After he stood still, he raised his arms. The spotlights stopped and gathered on him. The host bowed lightly and said, “Welcome to I Am a Writer. I am your host, Oscar.”
Two seconds later, the lights lit up the whole stage and the audience, but the contestants’ corner was still dim, like they were shooting a horror movie. Oscar was obviously just a stage name. Nowadays, people could accept any stage name as long as it was not Jin Fugui.
“Alright, audience members, I bet everyone has been waiting a long time for this…” Oscar turned to raise his arm at the contestants. “We have seven contestants with us today, and we have met six of them already. I believe the audience will be able to tell who they are from their shadows…”
“How come the second thing out of the host’s lips is ’everyone has been waiting a long time for this’?” Xiao Tan asked.
“Because in the official version, before Oscar said that, he had to go through a long list of sponsors,” Feng Bujue explained. “In today’s variety shows, most of the segments are recorded separately. Due to intonation and time-handling, there have to be multiple takes.
“After each break for advertisement, the host has to slip in certain advertisement slogans from the sponsors. Some of them can be quite long. These won’t be recorded live but added later.”
“Is that so?” Xiao Tan sighed. “It’s not easy to be a host.”
“Shush, it’s time to introduce the contestants,” Master Bai reminded him.
In the image, the lights near the first contestant lit up. It was male youth with spectacles. He was around thirty, slightly rotund, and dressed casually. Oscar took out the question cards from his pocket and started to make the introduction. Of course, he was introducing everyone by their penname. “Contestant Number 1, Xuan Tianzong, a famous online author. Even though he is only thirty-two, he has about ten books with more than two million words. His works are very popular and have been adapted into games, movies, dramas, and so on… It’s one of the few authors whose income can go above ten million RMB. Here’s the comment from our main editor—smooth writing style, great characterization, fulfilling plot, the best Xuanhuan[1] writer we have today.”
The host paused, and without the order from the set director, the audience gave a thunderous applause. Then the second contestant’s area was lit up. It was also a male youth, with medium frame, who looked several years older than Xuan Tianzong. His spectacle design and fashion choice appeared more mature.
“Our second contestant is Ba Shan Pin, a well-known online author. He’s thirty-three and has five long historical novels under his belt. Our main editor’s comment—knowledgeable in his craft, his works have a deep foundation. It shows that he is very constant reader.”
The applause received by Ba Shan Pin was equally thunderous.
“Our third contestant is Vegetable Fruit. A known author and the holder of many records. He started his career when he was eighteen, and most of his works are themed in the city lifestyle and magic. In the past ten years, he has published about 27,000,000 words and has the record of uploading every single day. He is a familiar name on the best seller ranking. Main editor’s comment—the writing style is even and honest. The author is good at managing the plot’s pacing. The king of plot! A hardworking genius.”
Vegetable Fruit was twenty-eight and was quite handsome. He had the largest number of fans. Since he appeared, the applause and yelling had not stopped.
“The fourth contestant and our only female contestant, Mo Buxiang. Her age, like all women… is unknown.” Oscar turned to the camera and laughed. Laughter came from the audience as well. Mo Buxiang’s hair was in a ponytail, and she looked quiet and reserved. Even though she was not a great beauty, she looked photogenic with some make-up. “She started writing five years ago and has six known works under her name. They include supernatural, modern, game, historical, romance, and Xianxia[2], six genres. They have all been published physically, and she was last year’s highest grossing female author. Main editor’s comment—graceful style, and her genre is forever changing. It is little wonder that she is known as a literary genius.”
Thunderous applause came from the audience. Even though Mo Buxiang did not have as many diehard fans as the previous contestants, many male audience members chose to support her as their second choice.
The fifth contestant was shown, also a male. He was about thirty and had classic African American curls. He wore sunglasses indoor and looked quite muscular.
“Fifth contestant, Onto the Field. An online author and editor for a famous sports magazine. He has thirteen short novellas in the sports genre. His style is more realistic in setting. With his professional knowledge, he is well loved by sports fans,” Oscar said. “Main editor’s comment—an author who knows what he’s writing about. The best of the best in his genre, that is undeniable.”
After the applause ended, the sixth contestant showed himself. He looked quite similar to Xuan Tianzong, but in terms of presence and fashion sense, he looked older.
“Sixth contestant, Soda. A known online writer, famous for his supernatural and ghost stories. He has seven long novels, and they have all been claimed as classics. He is well known in and out of the industry and is called our generation’s master of horror,” Oscar said. “Main editor’s comment—Soda’s every story will be able to evoke the deepest fear in the readers’ heart. The details are specific and ghastly. The title ’Master of Horror’ is not without its reason.”
“Oh, it’s coming!” Xiao Tan got excited because he felt like it was about to be Brother Jue’s turn.
Suddenly, the camera zoomed in to give Oscar a closeup. “Audience members, our seventh contestant is a newcomer. This stage is cruel, and someone will be eliminated every episode. The elimination rate of newcomers is as high as fifty percent this season…”
He created a nervous atmosphere so that people would anticipate this newcomer. “Will he successfully stay for another day, or will he disappear like a comet crossing the sky? Let’s find out…”
Applause boomed through the crowd, and the spotlights hit everywhere. Finally, the stage plunged into darkness, and the applause stopped. The spotlights suddenly all gathered on Feng Bujue. Even though Feng Bujue only glanced at the camera with a bored expression, the audience still gifted him with great applause and cheer.
“Actually, when the show started recording, the audience entered the hall at the same time as the contestants, so they knew who I was early on,” Feng Bujue explained while destroying the mood. “This kind of reaction that you see is purposely arranged by the set director. Even if no one knew me, the reaction would be the same.”
In the camera, Oscar waited for the audience to finish before speaking again. “Oh, our seventh contestant looks very young.”
Even though he had chatted with Feng Bujue before the recording, he still acted like this was the first time that they had met. “I believe some people in our audience have recognized him already. Some might have read his books but have not seen him in person. Well, who is it?”
This had dragged out long enough. It was time to give the answer. Oscar pulled out the cue card to read. “Seventh contestant, Bujue, known detective novel writer. He has published twelve detective novels and has serials on the internet, in newspapers, and in magazines. His style is often humorous and unique. Be it long or short novels, the plot will always surprise the readers.”
Oscar put down the card to say, “Contestant Bujue, you are recommended by all three of our main editors. They are all your fans.”
“Is that so?” Feng Bujue answered casually.
“Main editor’s comment,” Oscar continued, “if you’re good enough but you can’t shine, make sure you are irreplaceable.”
“Ha ha…” Feng Bujue’s lips twitched.
“Based on our show’s habit, every episode we will allow the newcomer to set the episode’s theme.” He walked to Feng Bujue’s podium. “Contestant Bujue, you have three minutes to consider. In the meantime, we will enter the commercials.”
“What did you set?” Xiao Tan asked.
Feng Bujue did not answer and pointed at the screen. This version did not have commercials, so after a quick change of scene, it was time to reveal the answer. Oscar moved to stand beside Feng Bujue and saw the words that he had written on the panel. Then, his expression shifted slightly as he sneaked a look at Feng Bujue with a strange color in his eyes.
“Alright, let’s take a look. The theme that Bujue has given us this week on I Am a Writer is…”
Oscar was a professional host. As ridiculous as what Feng Bujue had written was, Oscar appeared calm on the surface.
As the host raised his hand, what Feng Bujue had written down appeared on the large screen.
“Feel free to roast.”
[1] Xuanhuan is a sub-genre of Chinese fantasy fiction.
[2] Xianxia is another sub-genre of Chinese fantasy fiction.