“Based on my observation and speculation, the director should have told Oscar that it was fine and to carry on in his earpiece,” Feng Bujue told Xiao Tan and Master Bao.
“So… this week’s theme will be ’feel free to roast me’?” Master Bao asked as he used the chopstick to place the food into his mouth.
“Yes,” Feng Bujue replied.
“Now I can’t wait to see what happens next…” Xiao Tan added.
In the video, Oscar used some casual and unimportant words to give comments on theme that Feng Bujue had given, and he quickly added, “Okay, now we will enter the first round of today’s episode… Spinning a Tale.”
The full list of the first round appeared on screen, and it was accompanied by Oscar’s high-speed narration. This part was probably recorded several episodes ago, and each time, they would replay the same reel for the audience before the camera.
“This round, a key word will appear randomly on the big screen. Let’s see what the key word this week is…”
As this point, the camera also panned over to the screen. On the big screen, terms like several terms rolled on the screen. Several seconds later, with a ding, the term ’character’ finally stopped on the big screen.
“Each of our contestants will be given two separate keywords, but before the completion of their work, these two terms will be kept secret, and only the contestants themselves will know about it.”
When Oscar said that, the panel before Feng Bujue showed the two random keywords that he had been given.
“Dear contestants, you have seven minutes to come up with a paragraph to describe a ’character’ using the two keywords that are now currently showing on your screen. The word count is unlimited, and you have until the timer is up.” Oscar explained the rules.
“Then, the first round… starts now!”
Since the keyword had already been announced, the show had to move on soon.
“Viewers, let me stress again, all the creative segments of this show are not prerecorded, and there will be no rerecording. Our contestants only have seven minutes and one chance.”
Oscar naturally could just let the audience wait drily for these seven minutes. He had to work with the sound effects at the spot and talk for two to three minutes to create this nervous atmosphere. The remaining few minutes would be cut out. Instead, it would be replaced by commercials.
“I know, in many people’s minds, writing is a career with a very low threshold. It feels like nowadays everyone with a laptop and an internet connection can be a writer,” Oscar said. “I also know that we currently have many different writing aids and assistants. They provide a huge amount of words, references, and various famous quotes. There is even software that can directly generate an interesting and manipulatable scenario. But the writers that we have with us today do not have any assistance with them. They are not even able to get online to search for information. Every single words and sentence that they pen comes from their mind. Furthermore, they only have seven minutes. This is the direct manifestation of a person’s knowledge background, creativity, and writing skill. Let’s see what makes a real writer.”
Oscar analyzed as he led one of the cameramen to the contestants’ corner. He recorded the expressions on the writers’ faces as they worked.
“At this point, I have to explain that we only employ two typing styles. One is direct writing on the screen, and the other is using Pinyin[1]. If our contestants make a mistake in their script, the computer will not correct them automatically. Therefore, on the stage of I Am a Writer, a writer’s writing skill will be clear for all to witness.”
Then, with a switch of the camera angle, Oscar said, “Now, we have only twenty seconds left…”
This should be after the commercial break. Even though this was the first cut, the editing was not bad. Then, there was a series of close-ups of the writers. With the host’s countdown, the screen kept changing from the seven contestants and the audience members. The background music was exciting and nerve-wracking.
“Three, two, one… Time’s up!” Oscar took out a handkerchief from his shirt pocket to wipe away the sweat on his forehead. “Alright, let’s reveal the writing of our seven contestants.”
Oscar came to Xuan Tianzong’s panel. “Xuan Tian always give us a feeling that he is at ease. It is no different today. Is it because the keywords you got today are very easy?”
Xuan Tianzong leaned into the mic attached to the panel. “Actually… it does not matter what the keywords are. The real difficulty of the first round, I’ve always felt, is the time limit.”
“Can I understand that ’as no matter what the keywords are, it is of difficulty to you’?” Oscar asked.
“Of course not…” Xuan Tianzong waved his hands and laughed. This was a hard question to answer. If he answered ’yes’, he would appear so arrogant.
“Then, let’s see what Xuan Tianzong’s keywords are.” Oscar did not press further and continued with the show. The two keywords given to Xuan Tianzong appeared on the screen. They were ’solitary’ and ’supremacy’.
“A test like this should be a small case for our Xuan Tian,” Oscar commented.
“You flatter me too much…” Xuan Tianzong always showed this humble side.
“Then, let’s see what Xuan Tianzong has written in the seven minutes,” Oscar said, and then Xuan Tianzong’s writing appeared on the big screen. “At the edge of the wind, a figure stood desolately against the world. Long, green hair grew to his waist. His figure was tough, and his attire was expensive. There was a cold solitary expression on his handsome face, but from his back, there was an unspeakable sense of loneliness and his gaze spoke an endless depth.”
Oscar read the whole paragraph out loud. When the audience’s applause faded away, he let out a long breath. “Phew… even though this paragraph is not that long, the picture of a solitary and supreme kung fu expert has materialized in our mind, hasn’t it?”
He took two steps back to tilt his neck to Feng Bujue. “Hmm? Let’s us ask Bujue, our newcomer this week. Do you feel any pressure seeing the writing given by Xuan Tianzong?”
The camera panned to Feng Bujue at that moment. He lowered his eyes and answered, “Yes, the pressure is very big…”
“Let us make an interesting assumption. If you were given Xuan Tianzong’s keywords, do you have the confidence that you can write something better?” Oscar asked. He was a good host. The interesting point of such shows was the competition between the players, but it could not be made into an actual conflict.
“Hmm…” Only after three seconds, Feng Bujue recited, “A figure beyond the world, a face set in determination, the man walked like the wind, fast and swift. He opened his lips to say, ’My military prowess will shine all over the world’.”
Hey… I only asked if you have confidence that you can write something better. you only needed to be humble and say no! Who told you to give us another version? Why does this sound so familiar? It’s from Pi Li show’s Hui Si Bing Quan, isn’t it? Oscar mumbled internally.
He instantly turned to glance at the main director, who was seated among the front row of the audience. The latter only said softly in his earpiece, “Carry on.”
“Haha… Con… Contestant Bujue sure has a fast reaction,” Oscar said, but internally, he said, I am not going to come to you with any questions anymore.
“Hmm, Xuan Tian, what do you think? What do you think of Bujue’s version?” Oscar tossed the problem to Xuan Tianzong.
“Erm… It’s not bad, haha…” Xuan Tianzong maintained his humility.
“Alright, let us take a look at Brother Pin’s keywords.” Oscar walked to the second contestant’s panel.
Ba Shan Pin’s keywords were ’tragedy’ and ’sage’.
“I know this is a repeated question, but I have to ask, Brother Pin, is the question difficult today?” Oscar asked.
“Yes, it is…”
Laughter came from the audience. Oscar also commented with a smile. “Our contestants are always so humble. They never once say that the questions are easy.”
Then what Ba Shan Pin had written appeared on the big screen. “The Sleeping Dragon woke and rocked the world. The world has been split into three at Long Zhong. He died, not having the grand objective met. Throughout the ages, heroes are in tears, sighing with regret.”
When Oscar finished reading the poem, the audience erupted in applause
“During the era of the Three Kingdoms, Cao Zhi could make a poem in seven steps, but our Brother Pin is not bad either. He used seven minutes to create a poem with our three keywords.”
“I’m not that good… Actually, the last two phrases are borrowed from Tu Fu’s The Prime Minister of Shu. The original is ’on the sixth campaign he died, not having the grand objective met. Throughout the ages, heroes are in tears, sighing with regret’[2],” Ba Shan Pin said into the mic. “I was merely borrowing from others.”
“Brother Pin, you need to stop with the humility. It will make things so difficult for the other contestants.” Oscar laughed, and it was followed by the audience’s laughter.
“At this point, the editing will probably add in some canned laughter to add the comedy effect,” Feng Bujue explained again to his friends.
“By the way, is it okay for the first round to be so difficult?” Xiao Tan shoved a snack into his mouth. He munched and mumbled, “If you give me seven minutes and three keywords to write, I’ll give you a normal paragraph at most.”
“Hmm… I gave it some thought after the fact. Normally, even if they understood the rules, for an experienced writer who is good at writing on the spot, they need to spend at least one to two minutes to come up with the framework, then in the remaining five minutes, using the rules that have been given, writing two hundred to three hundred words is about the maximum,” Feng Bujue said. “So, most of the results you see won’t be long. Xuan Tianzong only had a few words, and Ba Shan Ping had even fewer. This means that they knew the rules well and knew how to get high marks in this round. They kept their words concise and tried to use a format like a poem to showcase their skill and leave an impression on the audience.”
“Oh, oh. I get it now,” Xiao Tan said. “Then, how much did you write, Brother Jue?”
“Over three hundred.”
“Pfft…” Xiao Tan and Master Bao spat out the stuff they were eating.
“What are you guys doing? You spit everywhere because this is not your home?” Feng Bujue complained.
By then, the host had gone through the third and fourth contestants’ pieces. He came to the fifth. The keywords obtained by Vegetable Fruit were quite difficult. They were ’beast’ and ’migration’. He had written about one hundred words and was within the framework, but compared to the others, his was slightly lacking. Mo Buxiang’s keywords were ’determination’ and ’power’. She had a changing style, and no keywords were going to hold her back. However, her ability at instantaneous writing was not as good as other writers. Finally, she ended up with about fifty words. Even though it was not bad, it did not really showcase the nuance of her two keywords.
The fifth contestant, Onto the Field, had the keywords ’horror’ and ’beauty’. He was not bad and wrote down quite a bit.
“The fearful eyes shone brightly, the originally pale fingers were yellow like wax, and the veins on her forehead were shifting according to her mood… rising and falling. She was still so beautiful, but she was about to lose the thing that made her alive, turning into a cold body.”
“Very good descriptive writing,” Oscar commented and turned to Soda. “I wonder, what would our Master of Horror produce if he was given this set of keywords? Would it be better than Brother Field’s answer?”
“Of course, Brother Field’s will be better,” Soda said with a smile.
Onto the Field replied, “Soda is giving me face. We all know who’d be better at this.”
Laughter came from the audience, and Oscar walked to Soda. “Okay, let’s see what keywords Soda got.”
The screen showed the keywords ’religion’ and ’demonic’. Once these two terms appeared, a bustle went through the crowd. The director turned the camera to the faces of other contestants. It was undeniable that this was advantageous to Soda. This was right up his alley of supernatural writing. But the content that he wrote was out of everyone’s expectations.
“I have invited all of you here to this feast, under the command of the lord of the unknown abyss. Enjoy the fleeting soul and screams, sacrifice the god’s power to…”
Oscar read the sentence and half-jokingly asked, “Soda, what happened to the rest of the content?”
“Haha, because I did not have enough time, I only managed to write that much.” Soda was an honest person.
“Did you use too much time in creating the framework?” Oscar asked.
“No, I spent too much time to come up with the correct pinyin for the character ’飨’[3]. It took far longer than I expected, so I ended up writing it down, but that also meant that I didn’t have much time left,” Soda replied. Oscar shrugged and made a helpless expression to the camera. Laughter came from the audience.
“Soda, what would you have us say to you?” Oscar smiled. Soda smiled back. He was such a person. He was more easy-going and had the most ease at the competition.
“Then… finally, let’s take a look at our newcomer.” Oscar finally came to Feng Bujue. “Bujue, after seeing the performance from your six seniors, are you feeling nervous?’
“Hmm… How shall I put this? I am not used to this kind of themed writing,” Feng Bujue replied.
“Oh? Did you not finish it like Soda?” Oscar asked.
“That is not the case,” Feng Bujue said. “But I feel like I have made too many corrections…”
“Saying that will only make me and the audience anticipate it more,” Oscar said and pointed at the large screen. “Come, let’s see the two keywords that Bujue got…”
The terms ’war’ and ’hero’ appeared on the screen. From the reaction of the other writers and the audience, this was a very simple question.
“I believe everyone is feeling the same way as me. Yue Fei, Guan Yu, Zhang Zizhong… in just a flash, more than ten names crossed my mind. Throughout our history, there are too many characters you can describe.” Oscar turned to the camera. “But from our experience in previous episodes, the keywords that appear the easiest are actually the hardest because it’s hard to make them unique and stand out. Too many contestants underestimate the keywords, and in the end, they failed to score high marks.”
As he spoke, the camera panned back to Feng Bujue. “Now… what kind of character will Bujue describe with the terms given to him being war and hero? We’ll take a look…”
As he finished, Brother Jue’s writing appeared on the big screen.
“In the summer of 1945, in the deep jungle of the Chinese border, a handsome, middle-aged man was inspecting his assault unit. His home country had been vanquished by invaders thirty-five years ago. Even though his country was occupied by his enemy, the spirit of his home did not die. The blood of his home country was still fighting. He had been born in a poor yet highly patriotic farming family, and a deep love for his country had been instilled in him since he was young. When he was fourteen, he swore that he would never return to his country until the day it gained its independence. When he was eighteen, he joined the North Korean liberation army, and when he was still not of age, he was armed with guns on the snow mountains of the Korean border, fighting life and death with the most elite land army from the Japanese invaders.
“The communists that he led fought for the independence of his country. They were the group who fought the hardest and the group who sacrificed the most. They fought this difficult war for fifteen years, and he grew from a young child to a middle-aged man. He eventually grew up to become the leader of the North Korean communist party in the battle. He was whom the Korean citizens called Han Bie Er (One-star in Korean)… Kim Il-sung.”
When Oscar was halfway through, he noticed that something was not right, but he forced himself to continue and finish the paragraph, which was about three hundred words long, in an even tone.
Who invited this kid? Who is it? Who did this? Who is going to be responsible for this?
Oscar’s sarcastic soul was lit up, but he could only scream inside his heart.
The first character that crossed your mind with the key terms war, hero, and character is General Kim? This is too much! This has to be a satire, right? It has to be! Couldn’t you have just written one or two descriptive sentences like the others? It’s one thing that you have pointed the man’s name out, but you have also given the location and dates. What do you think this is? His autobiography?
For the first time, the audience was silent. They did not know how to react.[4]
Oscar tossed an inquisitive gaze to the director again with the meaning, “We’d better cut the recording now. You need to come and handle this!”
To his surprise, the following came from his earpiece. “Set Director Xiao Lee, signal for the audience to clap. Oscar, carry on.”
[1] Pinyin is the romanized version of Chinese, basically Chinese written with English letters.
[2] Translation of the poem is taken from: http://chinesepoetryinenglishverse.blogspot.com/2013/03/blog-post_3303.html. Originally translated by Frank C Yue.
Outside Jinguan town in the shades of solemn cypress trees.
All by themselves, deep green grass and steps spill Spring colors here;
From behind the leaves, nightingale’s sweet songs fall on deaf ear.
For plans to unify the country, three times Liu Bei came;
Crimson heart on sleeve for his two Emp’rors, he wore the same!
On the sixth campaign he died, not having the grand objective met.
Throughout the ages, heroes are in tears, sighing with regret!
[3] The pinyin of this character is xiang, meaning to put up a feast for an invited guest.
[4] If you have been an avid reader of Chinese web novels, you would understand the reason behind this reaction and why this is such a big deal. China has had a rocky history with both Korea and Japan. Hence, you see so many web novels lampooning these two countries in their writing. Here, Feng Bujue has equated one of the former Premiers from North Korea as a hero during the war. Naturally, that would have raised some eyebrows among the audience because the enemy is not someone they usually associate with heroism.