Despair.
Rage.
Shock.
Guilt.
And even grief.
A maelstrom of emotions swirled within Rui. Emotions he did not understand. He had only known her for a meagre twenty-four hours. They were just barely friends as they had grown a little closer over the duration of their mission. There was a good chance Rui would never even see her again even if the mission succeeded.
So why?
Why did he feel like his soul was being torn apart was he gazed at her corpse?
Because she was his responsibility? Because he had ended up becoming emotionally invested in her well-being and success?
Probably both.
An eternity passed before Rui broke out of his reverie. He pulled out the communication device handed to him by the Martial Union, hitting one of the numerous buttons, the one he was supposed to hit when the mission ended. He hit in a few additional details, indicating the presence of a corpse. The device would convey his location to the Martial Union, and they would send post-mission personnel to take over.
Murder was still a crime in the Kandrian Empire. The Martial Union would cooperate with law-enforcement and begin the judicial process immediately. He would be required to provide testimony and statements on the matter eventually.
A hint of determination glinted in his eyes. The Lowminers and that man Wern. Rui was not going to conceal any of the information he possessed. He hoped justice would be served.
He had the strong desire to serve it himself. At this very moment he could easily sprint back and kill Wern in an instant.
“Fuuuu…” He exhaled, restraining himself.
STEP
Rui turned as he heard the arrival of a group of people in uniforms with the emblem of the Martial Union.
“Apprentice Rui Quarrier?” A man at the head of the team inquired, noting Rui’s Apprentice uniform. “I’m inspector Gale.” He said, showing Rui a badge. “I’m here to take proceed with the post-mission protocols. I encourage you to do the same by returning to the Martial Academy to provide a report and statement.”
Rui nodded listlessly, taking one last look at Bella’s corpse even as the sight of it scorched his lifeless eyes.
He sighed shakily before turning his back on it.
The journey back to the Academy was a few hours in its totality. Giving Rui enough time to introspect, and sort out his thoughts and emotions.
Why did he fail? How much responsibility did he bear? And most importantly, how was he supposed to deal with his emotions?
The last part was the hardest. Rui wasn’t even sure he had an answer, or if he would ever find one.
The first two were much more objective, allowing him to analyze them more fairly.
The reason the mission failed was because they had fallen into their enemy’s trap. They were screwed the moment Wern informed the Lowminers of their location. This was the reason Bella died.
In hindsight, Rui realized the Lowminers must have mobilized pretty much all available manpower at hand even before the masked Martial Apprentice ambushed Rui and Bella. This made sense.
The masked Martial Apprentice was meant to drag Rui away from Bella and keep him there while the gangs mobilized by Bella must have killed her after, when she was defenseless and vulnerable.
She must have screamed and struggled in despair as the men held her down and cut open her throat like livestock.
Just the very thought of that send blood to his head, until he closed his eyes and crushed the feeling, trying to think rationally.
If Rui had been able to avoid the Martial Apprentice, they would have survived. Rui would have easily disemboweled the grunts with ease.
In the end, Rui felt like a fool. He had thought that he was the one stalling and restraining the Martial Apprentice. But in the end, it turned out to be the exact opposite. The Martial Apprentice turned out to be stalling him!
He had so many regrets. If he had been more careful, he would have kept Bella hidden and interacted with Wern on her behalf. That would have been a cautious tale that at the very least would have spared Bella from her fate.
But instead, he offloaded all the responsibility of the decision-making to her, freeing himself of the burden.
As a Martial Artist, this wasn’t exactly wrong. He had a mission to complete and he had very little incentive or duty to undertake any more responsibility outside of the commission that Bella commissioned to the Martial Union. Bodyguards were supposed to protect no matter what their target of protection did, or where they went, they were not supposed to undertake responsibility of the decision-making capacity of their adult as long as their target of protection was mentally well and an adult. In this regard, Rui was perfectly fine.
However, bodyguards were supposed to protect.
If Rui had been strong enough, he would have been able to defeat their opponent Martial Apprentice quickly before proceeding to Bella’s side to protect her.
This was a bit unreasonable from an objective point of view. Defeating an older Martial Apprentice with a huge physique advantage, that too in a short amount of time was rather unreasonable to demand of any Martial Artist. Furthermore, this was his very first mission that was much harder than the Academy evaluation of the mission
All things considered, there were plenty of reasons that one might evaluate Rui to be free of moral responsibility despite his failure to successfully complete the mission.
But the question was whether Rui was able to forgive himself. Despite the fact that he was cognizant enough to be able to look at the situation from an objective point of view, the memory of Bella’s corpse that was deeply etched in his mind reared its head into the equation, and sent Rui’s tumultuous emotions into a tumble again.
The logic simple didn’t matter anymore.
How could he possibly forgive himself knowing that his insufficiency allowed her to suffer that fate?