“Eh?”
Even Akane couldn’t hide her surprise from what Miwa-nee said.
“What do you mean Miwa-nee?”
Miwa-nee looked straight at me, her eyes containing an apologetic expression. She really thought she’s the reason.
“You probably don’t remember, Ruki. That night when I accepted my parent’s arrangement. You were with me.”
She’s recalling what happened so we both stayed silent to hear what Miwa-nee will say.
“I told you, you’re the reason why I accepted their arrangement, right? Because Ruki, I started looking at you as not just my nephew.”
“I got scared. Thinking I might do something I shouldn’t. Akane and you were clearly in love with each other back then. Even I couldn’t separate you from each other.”
Ah. Now even Miwa-nee is saying the same thing as Auntie. Akane and I being in love with each other.
“That’s why I accepted it. And that night, I pulled you out from your room to sleep together with me. To vent out all my frustrations. You were asleep. I don’t know if you woke up at some point and some of my words got imprinted in your mind which led to that desire of yours.”
Wait. Wait. What is Miwa-nee saying? She started looking at me as not just her nephew? Does that mean?
I was the reason she got married.
Then what about that night? I only remember sleeping together with her. But she’s now saying that during my sleep, she’s venting out her frustrations. Could it be?
Akane looked at me, with the same confused expression on her face. Her hand then reached for my hand and clasped it tightly.
“That desire of yours. You told me it started as you wanting to steal someone’s girl, right?”
“Yes.”
“That night, I keep telling you to grow up already and steal me from that man I will be marrying.”
“Eh?”
Huh? Is Miwa-nee really the reason? Why can’t I remember? Ah. I was asleep throughout the night. But maybe my subconscious was awake? Ah. I don’t know anymore.
“Ah. Should I really say this? Now, I feel responsible why you turned out like this. And I even wanted to lecture you two just now. I’m sorry.”
A complicated expression now hung on Miwa-nee’s face. She must be trying to remember what she said that night and then she stitched it together to what happened to me after she left.
“Tell it to us Miwa-nee, I want to know too.”
Akane suddenly broke her silence. Right. If someone’s more interested than me when it comes to my desire, it will be her. That desire led to me neglecting her after all.
“Wife?”
“I am also searching for the reason why your desire manifested, husband. To think that it’s that auntie from our childhood was the reason. I want to know the real story.”
She looked straight at Miwa-nee.
“Alright. Wait here, I’ll put this boy to bed first.”
The pressure from Akane’s stare made her give up. After a sigh, she picked Minoru up from the sofa then she headed upstairs.
Akane’s hand that was holding mine suddenly became sweaty. Is she nervous? Or excited? The reason is now here. Maybe it might be the key to curing it?
Then what will happen if it was cured? Will my desire stop igniting?
She then leaned her head on my shoulder and put my arm over her.
“Husband, if Miwa-nee is really the reason. Do you think you can cure it with her?”
“I don’t know. It’s already rooted deep inside me. That desire shaped me to who I am right now.”
Yeah. No one can deny that. I may be narrow-minded before the change but it still became my foundation.
“You’re right. I just can’t help but imagine our life if your desire hadn’t manifested. Both of us loving each other, it’s like my dream come true.”
“If I finally learned that emotion again. Is it right to use ‘learned’ or ‘remembered’? In any case, we will still be like that.”
This girl expressing her dream. Of course, maybe every girl I have also imagine something like that. Only the two of us. But I can’t imagine that now, they’re all important to me. I can’t just pick one and forget the others. I’m giving them that choice.
“I see. I got a little greedy just now, husband. I imagined of having you to only myself.”
“It’s fine to be a bit greedy. I am also greedy, you know. I keep adding new targets even when my hands are already full. I’m the worst.”
Yeah. Her greediness will not be able to best mine.
I pulled her closer to me. I can only do this for her. Letting her feel that no matter what, I will want her.
“Then we’re both greedy. Let’s stop thinking about it now. Actually, I only have vague memories of Miwa-nee.”
“I remembered almost everything. And in turn, I remembered you were always there with us. Miwa-nee often scolds me back then, after that, you will cry like you’re the one getting scolded.”
Right. This silly girl was like that. And when she cries, Miwa-nee will stop scolding me and she will give us candies. Well, that was when we’re still in 1st grade.
“Ah. I’m not a crybaby and we’re still young back then! Actually, I maybe hated Miwa-nee before because she kept on getting in our way.”
“Then what about now?”
That’s new. She used to hate Miwa-nee? Did she feel threatened by her?
“Honestly, it resurfaced when she confessed just now. That’s why I want to hear the whole story. Miwa-nee is a great mother to Minoru. I don’t want to keep hating her.”
I see. She will really hate her again if it turns out it’s Miwa-nee who set me down on this path.
“Let’s wait for her then. My memory of that night is also fuzzy or rather, I was probably asleep throughout the night that she was venting her frustrations. As to why I didn’t wake up. I don’t know.”
We could hear Minoru crying from upstairs. Ah. This might take longer.
I pulled Akane up and we sat on the sofa, I then let her use my lap as a pillow. We stare at each other while I brush her hair. She closed her eyes, feeling comfortable with what I am doing.
“If she’s really the reason. Will you still want her?”
“Yes. I want Miwa-nee to be mine. I’m going to steal her from her husband.”
No matter what, that will not change.
“Idiot husband, you’re really honest to a fault. But I love this part of you. If I asked, you won’t lie to me.”
“I can’t bear to lie to you when I’m meeting other girls left and right.”
I’m really despicable. But yeah, we’re way past at repeating that phrase. I’ve already accepted that. There’s no meaning in thinking over it again.
After a while, Miwa-nee appeared from the stairs.
“You two, sorry. Minoru woke up.”
“It’s fine. I got spoiled by husband while waiting.”
Akane smugly declared. This girl, you’re showing your hostility to Miwa-nee.
“I see. You two really can’t be separated.”
“We were actually separated before. Because of that desire.”
Oi. Akane. Stop. Miwa-nee will feel bad.
And I was right, her face is now showing how apologetic she is. It’s like she’s done something wrong.
“I’m sorry. Do you still want to hear it?”
“Yes, Miwa-nee.”
I answered at the same time as I covered Akane’s mouth with my hand. This silly girl can’t hold herself back.
“Ruki. Alright. Actually, I stopped looking at you as just my nephew when you’re in 4th grade.”
“I know that’s wrong. But I found comfort messing with you, staying with you. Compared to the guys I met at work and mixers, the innocent you were the one that kept me going. Just knowing you will be at home, calling me Miwa-nee with a silly smile on your face is enough to wash away all the problems.”
When Miwa-nee started her story, Akane and I only listened. Akane reached for my hand and held it tight, crossing our fingers together. She sought safety from my hands. She really hated Miwa-nee but she wanted to stop that.
“At first I’m already satisfied to just look over you growing up. But it grew to something more. And it was noticed by your mother.” .
“She asked me if I want you to be mine and told me to give her my answer when you reached high school. She didn’t think that I would try to make a move on you. Maybe she trusted me that much. That even if I already saw you as more than my nephew, I wouldn’t do something I will regret.”
Eh? Mom was aware of Miwa-nee’s feelings? Then, is this also the reason why she didn’t tell me Miwa-nee will be staying here?
“Ah. This year is supposed to be the time to give her my answer. But as you can see. I’m already married so I don’t have any right to answer that anymore.”
“And in truth, I decided to forget about my affection for you when I married that man. And it will also put my parent’s minds at ease. Satisfying them became the biggest reason, you see. They wanted to see me get married and have a stable life before their time here end. And they passed away a year after due to old age.”
“Now, let’s go back to the night before that decision. I still remember every detail. This is the one thing I couldn’t forget or maybe I don’t want to forget, I only sealed this deep inside me. The night when I chose to put away everything for their sake.”
Miwa-nee started to cry. And this time, it’s more than the sobbing I saw from her last night. Seeing her like that, I want to hold her in my arms.
But when I saw Akane lying on my lap. I stopped. I have to hold back. This silly girl. She wanted to hear everything. I shouldn’t do anything until Miwa-nee finished her story.