Ch578 – Come Clean
Lin Xuanzhi couldn’t help chuckling when he saw that. He put the tray of food and liquid medicine on the only table, then walked to the bed and sat down.
He patted Yan Tianhen’s head through the quilt and smiled a little. “What I should’ve seen and what I shouldn’t have seen — I’ve seen them all. What should’ve been done and what shouldn’t have been done — we’ve also done them all. Isn’t it a little late to feel shy now?”
When Yan Tianhen heard this, he groaned twice and spoke through the quilt in a muffled voice, “Can’t you let me mourn my lost moral integrity for a while?”
Lin Xuanzhi, “…” He couldn’t help laughing.
When Yan Tianhen heard the stuffy laughter, he relaxed a lot and asked, “What time is it?”
“It’s already dawn outside. I’ve helped you ask for leave. You can rest with me these days. The East Courtyard will understand.”
Yan Tianhen suddenly lifted the quilt and sat up. He looked at Lin Xuanzhi. “Did you tell those people about my relationship with you?”
Lin Xuanzhi’s eyebrow was gentle. “I haven’t made it very clear yet, but most of the gentlemen and the three halls’ elders know that you had to take time off and recuperate for a while because there was an accident with your cultivation, and you almost suffered a Qi deviation.”
Yan Tianhen gave an “Oh” sound, then hung his head and no longer spoke.
Lin Xuanzhi asked, “Does Ah Hen want others to know? If you want, I’ll tell everyone.”
Yan Tianhen shook his head. “I don’t want to cause trouble for you.”
Lin Xuanzhi paused slightly. His heart suddenly felt warm. It’s not that he doesn’t want to; he simply doesn’t want to cause trouble for me.
If the second heir of the secular dynasty got together with the last future of orthodox Dao, it may bring a lot of trouble. Yan Tianhen was never a person who was afraid of trouble. Instead, he was worried about Lin Xuanzhi being implicated and dragged down as well.
Lin Xuanzhi thought to himself, It just so happens that there was also never a moment where I didn’t fear causing Yan Tianhen trouble.
Lin Xuanzhi reached out and held Yan Tianhen’s hand, which was outside the quilt. “How are you feeling?”
Yan Tianhen shook his head. “There is no discomfort anymore. It seems that all the spiritual Qi from before has returned to its rightful place. My entire body even feels free, and my mind is clear.”
Even the tips of Yan Tianhen’s ears flushed red all of a sudden.
However, Yan Tianhen’s shyness could only last for a cup of tea’s worth of time at most. Soon, Yan Tianhen threw aside the rare emotion of shyness and raised his head to boldly meet Lin Xuanzhi’s gaze. He then leaned back against the bed and curled his lips as he asked. “Huarong Gege, shouldn’t you explain some matters to me?”
Lin Xuanzhi did not answer but also asked a question instead, “How did you sense it was me?”
“I asked you first, so you should answer first.”
“Your question is too general; I don’t know where to start.”
Yan Tianhen thought about it and suggested, “Why don’t we do this? Let’s take turns. I’ll ask you a question, and you can ask me a question. Neither of us are allowed to lie, okay?”
“Okay.”
Yan Tianhen gazed at Lin Xuanzhi and lazily leaned against the bed, like a cat basking in the sun.
“Originally, I should be asking the first question, but who let me care about you so much?” Yan Tianhen pointed his chin towards Lin Xuanzhi and answered, “In the beginning, I wasn’t sure that the man was you, but I’m not stupid either. Although I like beauties, I’m not so superficial that I can like someone just by looking at their face. But ever since I saw you eight years ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I would even fantasize about you in my dreams.”
When he said that, Yan Tianhen couldn’t help giving a light hum as he laughed softly. “In the dream, you always kept me company by my side. It didn’t matter how bold the act was; we had done them all. At first, I thought it was just because I fell in love with you at first sight, but because I couldn’t be with you, I could only make up for it in dreams. But then, when I came to Myriad Dao Academy, you took the initiative to express goodwill to me many times, and when you talked about your sweetheart, you would always look at me and hesitate, as though you had a lot to say but couldn’t say anything. You looked like you were recalling fond memories, and you also seemed like you were looking at another person through me. Huarong Gege, I know much more about you than you think. I don’t have much contact with you, but I also know that you’re not the kind of person who will look for substitutes at all. Moreover, if the person you love is someone else, you absolutely wouldn’t have allowed me to slander him like that, unless that person was me all along.”
Lin Xuanzhi was shocked. “You were able to guess that the person I spoke about is you with just this? This is a bit too far-fetched.”
Yan Tianhen said, “So you could even see through this ah.”
Lin Xuanzhi, “…..”
Yan Tianhen suddenly spoke expressionlessly, “Actually, I merely dreamed that there was a person who was always by my side, but I couldn’t see his face at all. I didn’t know his name and his appearance, and I would even forget what happened in my dream as soon as I woke up.”
“Then you…” Lin Xuanzhi frowned slightly.
“It was just a feeling.” Yan Tianhen said, “I don’t think I’m the kind of person who would fall for people based on appearances, yet my heart was no longer mine to control after seeing you — if you claim that there was nothing between me and you, I won’t believe it at all. I was just bluffing earlier, but I didn’t expect that it really was you.”
Lin Xuanzhi suddenly didn’t know what to say. Moments later, he smiled helplessly.
From beginning to end, Yan Tianhen had never remembered him, but his dreams were similar to memories. Although they were vague, they gave him some hints. In addition, Yan Tianhen fell in love with him at first sight, and suddenly found out that he had already lost his virginity when his cultivation went wrong, so he had a flash of enlightenment and connected the dots, following his gut feeling that the man was him.
As for those explanations just now, some were true, while others could only be said to be deductions Yan Tianhen made given the current situation.
Yan Tianhen took a deep breath and said, “Now it’s my turn to ask you. My memory has missing parts, but it seems now that your memory should be completely intact, so why do you pretend that you don’t know me?”
Lin Xuanzhi asked, “If I say it’s because I don’t want to take responsibility, will you believe me?”
“If I believed that, then I’d be an enormous fool.”
Lin Xuanzhi couldn’t help patting his head.
Yan Tianhen grabbed Lin Xuanzhi’s hand. “Give me an explanation.”
“Don’t worry, we have plenty of time to explain it clearly.” Lin Xuanzhi used his soothing power and held Yan Tianhen’s hand instead. “You did indeed forget many things, but it’s not your fault; it’s the Dao of Heaven’s rules. On the other hand, I remember everything that happened between us, but the only thing I forgot is what it felt like to love you.”
Yan Tianhen paused.
Lin Xuanzhi lowered his eyes slightly and looked a bit guilty. He said, “It’s already developed to this stage. Originally, I didn’t want to respond to your feelings — after all, doing so would be unfair to you, but now that it’s come to this, even if you want to run, I absolutely won’t allow it anymore.”
“I’ve never wanted to run. I’m not the kind of scum who starts something and abandons it halfway.” Yan Tianhen mumbled a word, and immediately looked grim as he stared at Lin Xuanzhi. “What do you mean by ‘forgot what it felt like to love me’?”
Lin Xuanzhi sighed slightly. “It’s probably because my heart and mind are deficient, so it’s hard for me to be moved. Naturally, it’s not that I feel nothing, but I can’t feel strong emotions anymore.” As if he didn’t want Yan Tianhen to worry, he added, “Ah Hen, this may only be temporary. I will try my best to resolve the knot in my heart. You…please don’t regret this. I still remember how to treat you well, and I will also do my best to protect you. You just need to give me some time.”
When Yan Tianhen heard this, his eyes stung, almost making him speechless.
He didn’t know the cause and effect, but from Lin Xuanzhi’s words, he could vaguely feel the Dao of Heaven’s cruelty and ruthlessness.
Yan Tianhen resisted the urge and asked, “Did my amnesia occur first, or did your loss of feelings occur first?”
Lin Xuanzhi opened and closed his mouth. Finally, he said stiffly, “This is the next question.”
Yan Tianhen’s eyes suddenly dimmed. “I see.”
Lin Xuanzhi smiled knowingly. “Ah Hen became even smarter than before.”
Yan Tianhen was distressed. “I don’t care whether you love me or not. As long as you don’t reject me now and you’re willing to let me be with you, that’s enough. As for the past events, you can slowly tell me about them in the future. You didn’t cultivate the Dao of Indifference. According to reason, you shouldn’t be emotionless and desireless–“
When he mentioned lacking any emotions and desires, Yan Tianhen remembered the scene back then when Lin Xuanzhi took the heart stone’s test.
At that time, he was afraid that Lin Xuanzhi’s heart and mind were already exhausted, so much so that not even the heart stone knew what he desired. Yan Tianhen’s eyes slowly reddened.
Lin Xuanzhi squeezed his hand. “Don’t feel bad. In fact, it was more serious before, but ever since you came to Myriad Dao Academy, my situation has slowly been getting better.”
“Really?” Yan Tianhen seemed like he caught a lifeline.
Lin Xuanzhi smiled. “Naturally it’s true. Don’t be too sad.”
“In any case, even if I feel sad, you still won’t feel distressed.” Yan Tianhen pursed his lips but no longer pursued this topic. “Forget it. As long as you don’t cultivate the Dao of Indifference, you can still be saved. I will pester you every day in the future. You can recover slowly.”
“En. This process may be quite long.”
Yan Tianhen didn’t even have to think about it as he replied, “I can wait. I can wait for as long as you need. I’ll be with you; I’ll always be by your side.”
Lin Xuanzhi nodded. “Okay.”
Yan Tianhen blinked at Lin Xuanzhi. “It’s your turn to ask now.”
Lin Xuanzhi thought about it. “Actually, I don’t have much to ask. As for what I care about most, it’s not how the past went, but whether you’ve been well through these years, how many new friends you’ve made recently, and what happy things you encountered during cultivation.”
Yan Tianhen’s heart became a soft mess. How can there be someone like Lin Xuanzhi in this world? Even if he forgot what it felt like to love me, his actions and words are always expressing love for me.
Yan Tianhen answered, “My life is good right now, but also a little bad. I have many friends, and I am in a much better situation than when I was at the Lin family. But sometimes, a familiar picture would flash through my mind one second, and I would forget it completely the next second. I knew I had lost something very important, but I did not know exactly what I had lost. Until I first met you eight years ago — in that moment, I felt that my heart was complete.”
Lin Xuanzhi didn’t expect him to change the topic right back to this matter again.
