I don’t know what Jin Sichen was thinking, but it sounded like John Woo was quite sympathetic to Lin Fan.
Parents originally urged their children to get married out of their desire for their children's happiness. But often, urging them to get married becomes a formality, and happiness or not seems to be unimportant.
Lin Fan's profile and her own descriptions portray her as an independent, cheerful, and courageous woman. Although she still struggles with illness, having spent the past few days with her, I've come to feel that she has a good personality.
She signed up for fitness classes and tour groups in order to get over the pain as quickly as possible and return to normal life.
Lin Fan only needed to wait a little longer, and her pain would slowly heal, and she would be able to move on to a new life. By then, whether it was a boyfriend or marriage, it would all come naturally.
Unfortunately, Lin's parents couldn't wait any longer and didn't care that Lin Fan was still in the recovery period. They forced a normal person to become what he is now.
Many people don’t know that language is the sharpest knife in the world.
How sharp the knife is depends on how important the person who is wielding the knife to you is to you.
To put it bluntly, the more you care about someone, the more hurtful their words are.
Lin Fan's parents were the people closest to her, and they didn't realize that their words were like sharp knives that almost stabbed Lin Fan to death.
I wonder if they have ever regretted what has happened to them.
Jin Sichen listened to Lin Fan's words, writing something in his hand from time to time, and asked again: "I feel like you seem to be particularly concerned about your parents' thoughts. Is that true?"
Lin Fan thought for a moment and said, "I don't know what it means to care about someone extraordinarily. Why don't I tell you about my childhood? You can judge for yourself."
Jin Sichen nodded.
When Lin Fan was little, her father worked away from home and rarely participated in her life. But fortunately, he made a lot of money, which allowed Lin Fan to drink milk as a child and for her mother to wear mink furs and gold chains, always smiling.
Maybe it was because the family had some money or because Lin's mother was just a comparative person, but Lin Fan's childhood was always spent being compared with other children.
No matter how well Lin Fan studies or how obedient he is, it seems that he never gets praise from his mother.
When the team leader's cousin is always better than her, the children of Lin's mother's friends are always more obedient than her, and even the cousin who is not good at studying and dropped out of school is always better than Lin Fan, Lin Fan gradually feels inferior in her heart amidst her longing.
When she reached high school, the disappointed Lin Fan began to rebel. She gave up studying hard and wanted to attract her mother's attention by declining grades.
At this time, Lin's father's business encountered setbacks and began to suffer serious losses. Lin's mother quarreled with Lin's father all day long and paid no attention to Lin Fan at all. Let alone scolding him, she could almost be said to ignore him.
Lin Fan's mentality collapsed, and she simply gave up studying, starting to live like a poor student. It wasn't until two months before the college entrance exam that the new history teacher came to talk to Lin Fan at length. The concern in her words was like a warm current, and her frozen heart slowly began to beat again.
Lin Fan began studying hard, hoping to turn the tide. But it was too late. She had no choice but to give up math, physics, and chemistry and focus on memorizing only the liberal arts knowledge points.
After the college entrance examination, I actually got a relatively good score. I couldn’t get into a key university, but it was far above the ordinary undergraduate line.
For Lin Fan, who had only studied for two months, this was already a very good result. If she hadn't given up studying, she might have been able to get into Tsinghua or Peking University.
No one asked about his university choice, so Lin Fan chose a university far away from home. After entering, he found out that it was a private institution that only offered a college degree, and the degree was not recognized by the country.
At this point, Lin Fan could only study hard during his college years, took the full-time college entrance exam, and eventually graduated with a bachelor's degree from another university.
After leaving home, Lin Fan saw the vast world, broke free from the constraints of his family, and never wanted to return to the oppressive environment.
After graduation, she did not follow her family's arrangement to go back home to work, but went to Gaohe City alone to make a living.
"You all know what happened afterwards." Lin Fan suddenly realized that her life was not long, and it was all told in such a short time.
"So you feel inferior inside and want to be recognized by your parents. Even though you work hard to get into college and find a good job, once your parents deny you, you will be deeply hurt," Jin Sichen concluded.
"This kind of damage continues to accumulate, dealing a fatal blow to you. It directly negates the meaning of your entire life. You don't know why you're still alive, and you feel like there's nothing left to live for."
"You long for recognition from others, but it's always the opposite. Any bit of affirmation and encouragement would give you strength. That's why your history teacher in middle school just had a long talk with you, and you studied with all your might. You're just a child who lacks love and has low self-esteem."
Lin Fan listened calmly and agreed, "Isn't that right? I've discovered that, too. I used to think I was incredibly capable, bold, adventurous, and omnipotent, but later I realized it was all an illusion."
"I wanted praise when I got into university, I wanted praise when I got a bachelor's degree, I wanted praise when I found a good job, I wanted praise when I made a lot of money... I'm still that kid who wanted my mom to praise me when I got a perfect score. But over the years, few people have ever praised me sincerely."
"You're doing fine." Wu Yusen sighed and couldn't help but comfort her. Seeing Lin Fan looking over, afraid that she wouldn't believe him, he emphasized, "Really."
Lin Fan looked at Wu Yusen's face, which was so full of teeth that it showed, and felt a little sad and warm in his heart. He smiled slightly and replied, "Thank you."
Jin Sichen understood the situation and said to Lin Fan, "I see you have a clear understanding of your condition, which is a good thing. Living apart from your parents is the right thing to do. If you can't get affirmation, at least avoid hurting yourself. Are you managing your emotions well now that you're living alone?"
"It's fine when nothing happens. But I can't handle things. I never know when or what I encounter and I start to have a seizure."
"Sometimes, maybe it's because I see a branch being sawed by the roadside, and I keep thinking about it. I feel sad, tossing and turning, unable to sleep all night long. Every now and then, I keep thinking about it, even though it has nothing to do with me." Lin Fan sighed. "That's why I don't go out much now, for fear of being bothered by these inexplicable things every day."
"You're having a hard time dealing with your emotions right now. Staying home is one solution, but it's also problematic in the long term. I just hope that over time, your ability to handle stress will improve, and you'll be able to slowly be exposed to the outside world. But this shouldn't take too long. Humans are social animals, after all. Long-term social isolation can cause problems even for normal people. It won't help your condition."
"The best approach is to place you in a safe environment where you can be exposed to the outside world, eliminate factors that make you uneasy, and provide psychological treatment. This is a three-pronged approach. Only in this way can your condition be improved in the shortest possible time."
"It's easier said than done." Jin Sichen knew that Lin Fan had stopped treatment due to financial reasons and couldn't do what he said.
Lin Fan had long known that in her current condition, it was impossible for her to get proper treatment. He could only endure it on his own, and see how far he could get. He had already made peace with it, so he didn't feel sorry for her.
Seeing that Jin Sichen seemed to be about to move on to the next topic, Wu Yusen quickly interrupted and asked, "What if the side effects of her medication haven't subsided yet?"
"What side effects haven't gone away?" Jin Sichen flipped through the documents. "The medical records show she's been off the medication for two years. What other symptoms are there?"
Looking at Lin Fan's swollen body, it was indeed caused by the side effects of the medicine. It should not have been so swollen in two years, but it might also be because he ate too much in the later period, which added to his obesity, so Jin Sichen did not care at first.
Lin Fan then described his symptoms again.
Headache.
My mind is not clear, my reactions are very slow, and I always forget things.
I no longer like the things I used to like. I am not happy even though I should be happy, and I don’t feel sad even when I feel sad.
My eyes hurt, I always feel tired and can’t open them.
I keep hearing sounds in my ears, but when I listen carefully they don't seem to be there. I also have tinnitus.
I always feel nauseous and retching, but can't vomit anything.
Sometimes my head feels so heavy that it's about to fall off my neck.
Pain in the heart, stomach, and intestines.
My arms hurt, my hand joints hurt, my shoulder blades hurt, my thighs, my knees, my butt hurt too.
The pain comes in many forms: sometimes it's a stinging pain, sometimes it's an inflammatory pain, sometimes it's numb, and sometimes it feels like a burning sensation...
It sounds like there's something wrong with him from head to toe.
Jin Sichen frowned as he heard this, and took the medical examination report from Wu Yusen and read it carefully.
"She said other hospitals couldn't find out what was wrong, and I thought we could definitely find it here. Turns out everything was normal," said John Woo.
"Mood disorders are a manifestation of depression," Jin Sichen said. "As for the pain, I suspect it could be a somatization disorder. There may indeed be some medication side effects affecting her eyes and ears, but hers is probably too much."
"What is somatization disorder?" asked John Woo.
"Simply put, it's a mental disorder caused by anxiety. It manifests itself in various unexplained pains in the limbs and nausea that can't be diagnosed by medical means. It's often accompanied by significant anxiety and depression."
"Isn't it depression?" asked John Woo.
"No, it's another mental illness." Jin Sichen was examining Lin Fan's brain CT scan. "It's usually caused by genetic, physiological, or socio-psychological factors. Her CT scan didn't show any obvious problems, so I suspect it's because of the somatization disorder that accompanies her depression. Some patients with depression do experience symptoms of somatization during severe cases."
Well, another mental disorder. Lin Fan was too tired to complain.
"When did you feel these symptoms?" Jin Sichen asked Lin Fan.
"Probably when I stopped taking the medicine, I can't remember exactly." Lin Fan recalled.
"That's almost two years, which is consistent with the diagnosis time. It should be somatization disorder." Jin Sichen concluded.
"If there is no disease found but I feel pain, is it an illusion?" asked John Woo.
"It's not an illusion, it's subjective pain." Jin Sichen replied.
"Let me explain it this way. Physical lesions produce a pain reflex, which is transmitted through nerves to the brain, allowing you to feel the pain. Somatized pain is pain felt by the nerves even though there's no actual physical lesion. While it's subjective pain, it's real pain."
"Then how can it be cured?" John Woo asked again.
"..." Even though Jin Sichen was knowledgeable and eloquent, he couldn't help but pause, "You need to take antidepressants."