Kairos slowly opened his eyes, and laid his hands down at his sides. He opened his mouth slightly, almost like he was about to say something, but didn’t in the end. Azami let out a small sigh.
“Hey, come on. Say it out loud, or it becomes unclear alright?”
He blinked a few times before taking a deep breath.
“I suppose the best way to put it is that I miss the simple times. I’m just really tired of always being required to overthink needlessly. It always feels like… nothing really needs to be so complicated. There are things you can’t say, there are things you can’t do. Ways you need to act, expectations of word choice.”
His eyes narrowed slightly.
“Even though just being honest with each other would be better for everybody.”
Kairos fell silent for a little while before flashing a bitter smile.
“I suppose… now that I think about it, you were right about what you said earlier. That the thoughts of animals are preferred. They don’t overcomplicate things.”
Azami rolled her eyes with a smug smile.
“Of course. I mean, I’m just right most of the time.”
Kairos couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Azami cleared her throat, taking on a serious look.
“But before we go too far, we need to backtrack before the memory becomes blurry once more. Surely you remembered some things after coming to that realization. Speak of as many of them as you can before you forget about them.”
Kairos felt his mouth drying up. He didn’t really want to talk anymore, but Azami’s tone sounded rather insistent. While it was a pain, since he was already this committed, he decided to just listen to her.
“Alright, alright. Fine. Just give me a few seconds to collect my thoughts.”
He took in a deep breath, though soon after his eyebrow began twitching.
“I guess the first time that I realized this kind of thing was when… my parents first went on vacation. They always did have a pretty good relationship. Though when they proposed that fact to me, they kept saying things like, ‘you’re fine with that, right?’ or ‘there’s no problem, is there?’. And despite the fact I was actually against it, I simply felt compelled to agree.”
Kairos pursed his lips.
“Being polite is a weapon people use to get what they want with little to no resistance.”
Azami raised an eyebrow before letting out a chuckle.
“At least you got to go on a vacation. Though I guess it must’ve not been the best one.”
Hearing that, Kairos looked at her rather strangely.
“What are you talking about? I said my parents, not me.”
A moment of silence lingered between the two of them. The corner of Azami’s lip twitched. The smug smile on her face disappeared into a momentarily confused one. After shifting her sitting position to be more formal and comfortable, she voiced out her question.
“Wait, you mean that your parents went out for a vacation and you didn’t get to go with them?”
Kairos scratched the side of his head awkwardly like it was his fault that happened.
“I mean, we weren’t the richest family, and they didn’t really have enough to go to the places they wanted if they took me as well. So I guess it’s only natural I was left out.”
Azami stared at Kairos strangely, while he only looked back blankly.
“Maybe it’s a bit irregular compared to how other people do it, but I don’t think it’s particularly strange, right? I mean some circumstances just can’t be helped, and that’s that. There are countless people with worse situations.”
At this point, even the originally unmoving wolf had perked up to curiously look between the two of them. Azami opened and closed her mouth, seemingly having a lot to say. However, she first took a calm and collected breath before facing him naturally.
“Look, it’s not hard to say that there are worse situations, since there practically always is one so long as you are willing to go to the extreme. And sure, your situation at the time is not the worst, especially considering the apocalypse you suddenly found yourself in. But whether or not something is the worst, doesn’t change that it can be relatively bad. That is something we can agree on, right?”
Kairos blinked a few times before nodding.
“I guess, but it’s not something my parents or I can control. Our income was simply not enough and that’s how it is. That’s the kind of thing you just have to move on from. Though more importantly, since you’re a god, do you have any insight on why this whole apocalypse is happening?”
Azami lost her originally haughty look, instead staring at him as though he were a son. Though he didn’t recognize that.
“I’ll tell you about all that later, alright? Let’s stay on topic here, because it seems like you’re not getting my point. Even if your parents may not have enough money, they could’ve instead gone to a cheaper place and took you along as well.”
Kairos fell silent for a moment before rebutting her.
“Well, I can see why you think that, but it was a place that they really wanted to go to, so naturally anywhere cheaper wouldn’t be the same thing. Besides, it wasn’t like they didn’t give me anything. They first taught me how to deal with the household chores, how to cook, and even sent money every month while they were away.”
Azami didn’t look like she believed it, but didn’t articulate that fact.
“I suppose that could be a possibility. So I assume you only had one parent that could get a job? What was it?”
Kairos thought for a while before shaking his head.
“Er- no. They were both software developers at the same company.”
Azami gave him a strange look, as though it should’ve been something obvious.
“Even if they were both at the entry-level, which is unlikely for their age, that would still be more than enough to cover daily expenses. Unless they are going to some place that only royalty can afford, it shouldn’t really be a problem. And even then, if they could afford a trip for two, it shouldn’t even be that big of a burden to bring along another person.”
Kairos rolled away onto his side.
“So what? You’re trying to tell me that my parents aren’t great? That they are liars and just wanted to go on a vacation without me?”
Azami let out a pitiful sigh.
Kairos let out a weak laugh.
“Ok… I guess. My parents weren’t really the best of people. They left me on my own most of the time, leaving me feeling quite lonely. Even when I tried to reach out to them, I was always shut down, even if a somewhat reasonable excuse was given. But even if there was some other inexcusable reason, the main one was always that they would rather spend time with each other rather than me.”
He put his hands on his face.
“I hate the fact that they can just wear fake smiles and speak politely to absolve themselves of all guilt when what they mean are essentially just fuck off. Even if I did kill a wolf in a bit of a dramatic way, I don’t get why I’m expected to act differently because of it. Am I really the weird one for acting as I normally did? It’s almost like I wasn’t the one that saved his life.”
His frown began to deepen.
“…Is it so strange that I’d prefer not to live in a world of lies? Where not only are people supposed to lie to me, but I’m expected to do so as well?… Even with the people that are supposed to be close to me?”
Kairos swallowed hard.
“Am I not allowed to be myself in front of anyone?”
He fell silent, realizing that he got a bit angry, despite normally keeping his cool most of the time. He reigned them back soon enough, before keeping a straight face once more. Something he got used to when he realized he wasn’t allowed to express his actual emotions.
Eventually, he realized that the silence was a bit strange. He opened his eyes and rolled over onto the other side just to see both the wolf and Azami looking at him with light pity. His eyelid twitched, feeling a bit humiliated at the sight.
He laid a hand down sprawled out before opening his mouth, intending on giving them a piece of his mind. Yet before he could even think of the words, the wolf put his paw on his hand.
He suddenly had visions of the memories from the people outside. But more than that, he was able to feel the pure raw emotions that both the Azami and the wolf felt. It was genuine pain out of empathy for his feelings.
Once more, he didn’t know what to say.