Chapter 96: The Grilled Squid God of War
Lu Qingyang squatted on the fishing village's reef, grilling his eighth skewer of squid. The tip of the Qingming Sword was impaling a torn piece of cloth from a "Nine-ninths Water-Avoiding Talisman."
Seeing a dark shadow move in the coral, he yelled, "That Fellow Daoist in the green hat, peeking at this young master's beautiful legs costs Spirit Stones!" A black-robed guard from the Netherworld Hall slipped and fell into the shallow water, only to be hit in the face by a Stinky Tofu Talisman Lu Qingyang threw.
"You Last name Lu!" The second boss of the Red Serpent Gate charged over on a broken boat plank, his notched saber aimed at Lu Qingyang's crotch. "Give me back my underwear money!" Lu Qingyang dodged sideways and, in passing, snatched the other's belt. "It's on credit! I'll take your wife's bellyband as payment later!" Three Water-Avoiding Pearls jingled out of the belt and he kicked them into his crotch as a groin guard.
A whirlpool suddenly erupted from the seabed, and the Netherworld Palace Lord's bronze coffin shattered the fishing nets. Lu Qingyang grabbed the grill stand as a shield; scorching lava splattered on the coffin lid, sizzling and smoking. "Bringing a coffin on such a hot day? You're quite filial, old man!" He then backhanded a bronze mirror, revealing mites behind the Palace Lord's ear, startling the shrimp soldiers and crab generals into covering their faces.
The Third Prince arrived, riding an Evil Jiao through the waves, with hawthorn candy residue still on its Dragon horns. Lu Qingyang pulled out a night-luminescent pearl and shot it like a marble at the Evil Jiao's nostril. "Prince Consort, your mount's rhinitis needs treatment!" The pearl exploded into fireworks inside the Jiao Dragon's sneeze, and Lu Qingyang took the opportunity to jump onto its back and pry off scales. "This one's worth two catties of braised beef!"
A Luo, squatting on a bamboo raft stringing night-luminescent pearls, suddenly shrieked, "Left!" A Red Serpent Gate bandit's trident grazed Lu Qingyang's backside and embedded itself in the reef. He pulled out the trident, used it as a skewer, strung three salted fish on it, and flung them at the pursuers. "A land, sea, and air barbecue combo!" The salted fish exploded into charcoal in mid-air, blinding the Netherworld Palace Lord, who then crashed into a line of underwear hung out by a fisherwoman.
"Everyone, keep playing!" Lu Qingyang shouted loudly. Like an Immortal, he stepped on the Qingming Sword and sped past like a meteor. In the blink of an eye, he soared over the thatched roof like a bird, his figure flashing, and then disappeared from everyone's sight.
However, just as he flew over the thatched roof, his gaze was drawn to the dried salted fish hanging on the roof. Those dried salted fish, illuminated by the sun, emitted an enticing aroma. Lu Qingyang's mouth curved slightly, revealing a cunning smile. He quickly reached out, snatched the dried salted fish, and then, as if by magic, stuffed them into his pants pockets.
Just then, a dull roar suddenly came from the bottom of the sea, as if the earth itself was trembling. Immediately after, a scorching lava erupted, like a volcanic eruption. The scalding lava soared into the sky like a fiery Dragon.
Facing this sudden change, Lu Qingyang remained calm. He smiled slightly, pulled out a bronze toilet lid from his Pregnant, and then quickly threw it towards the gushing lava. Surprisingly, the bronze toilet lid seemed to possess magical power, steadily catching the lava.
As the lava touched the toilet lid, the scorching lava quickly cooled and condensed into fake Spirit Stones. Lu Qingyang, seeing this, was overjoyed. With a wave of his hand, the fake Spirit Stones scattered across the sea like celestial maidens strewing flowers.
"Haidilao Grand Opening Special!" Lu Qingyang shouted loudly, his voice echoing across the sea, as if the entire ocean could hear his call.
The Third Prince roared, revealing his true form, and his Dragon tail swept away half of the reef. Lu Qingyang bounced onto the Dragon's neck and tugged at its whiskers. "Your hairstyle is quite unique, did Master Wang from the village perm it?" The moment the Qingming Sword poked its inverse scale, the entire Dragon stiffened into a twisted shape and crashed into the fishing village, crushing his freshly set up barbecue stall.
"Pay up!" He wailed, clutching at the Dragon's claws, and casually broke off two golden scales to stuff into his shoe insoles. The Netherworld Palace Lord's Ten Thousand Soul Banner swept forth with poisonous mist, but Lu Qingyang used a Stinky Tofu Talisman to reflect it, splattering the Red Serpent Gate bandit's face. "Brother, your complexion... did your wife run off with the stinky tofu seller?"
Nine bronze cauldrons rose from the seabed. Lu Qingyang kicked open their lids and fished out pawn ticket stubs. The top one read, "Pledged one Dragon whip for fifty roasted chickens." He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "I was too conservative in my youth!" The pawn ticket ignited with Sanwei True Fire, burning through the sea's barrier and revealing the golden plaque of the Dragon Palace Pawnshop beneath.
"Creditor collecting rent!" He kicked open the door, and the bronze mirror revealed night-luminescent pearls hidden behind the plaque. A Luo's silver bell necklace suddenly chimed loudly, and the entire Dragon Palace began to collapse. Lu Qingyang, with his pants pockets full of jewels, darted towards the surface of the sea, not forgetting to give the pursuing enemies the middle finger. "You all stay and guard the house; this young master will come back another day to demolish it!"