Running away
Wasn’t it something Damien was well accustomed to?
It was only a few days ago that he finally made the decision to stop running away from his problems and his feelings.
He was still in the process of making that change, and Ruyue ended up helping him a lot. She didn’t even have to do anything, just the fact that there was someone here who could relate to his feelings was enough.
It wasn’t just his feelings for Rose that Damien ended up running away from. Rather, it was mainly himself.
His emotions and his problems. These were the things he feared. What happened with Rose could be considered as collateral damage from his internal struggle.
What was a person’s identity? What was the thing that made them different from the rest?
Although this was a world where everyone had their unique abilities and strengths, it didn’t change the fact that everyone’s strength was under the presence of the system.
What truly made a person unique, what defines their ego, wasn’t it their thoughts and emotions?
The way someone felt and the decisions they made, the moral standards one creates for themselves as they continue living in this ruthless world, the relationships they form through it all.
These are the things that Damien ran from. Because if he actually ended up solving these problems, if he overcame such things, he was afraid he’d be a different person.
He was so used to having these issues within him. He felt that if he no longer had them, he’d allow himself to be taken advantage of.
But these thoughts were simply stupid. After all, overcoming such things was the process of accepting himself. This was what he realized as he listened to Ruyue tell her story.
It was also the reason he decided to tell his. Firstly, he wanted her to feel what he felt, the camaraderie that he experienced when he met someone who could understand him.
And secondly, he wanted her to gain something as well. Perhaps, if she could gain her own realizations from what he learned, she would benefit as well.
And Ruyue was experiencing what he hoped. As she learned about the dungeon, Apeiron, and earth, she realized how small her worldview was. Not to mention, she realized that she was dealing with problems that were much smaller than his.
If she had said that out loud, Damien would call her an idiot. After all, her problems had a much more definite reasoning than his.
But it didn’t matter since she didn’t say anything. This form of thinking was just something she subconsciously used to help herself, so it was for the best.
Ruyue thought back to those days in the clan. She thought back to the struggles she had been through. Did she go through all those harsh experiences just to become a crybaby?
No. She didn’t. She didn’t feel that the choice she made or the attitude she took was wrong. Rather, she felt that the reasoning for such an attitude was the problem.
She was no longer a child. She was no longer weak. There was no reason for her to erect such a wall to scare people off. She could do so with her own strength.
But she wouldn’t change her personality. Because as she thought about it, she realized that she enjoyed the way she was. She liked herself. Imagining herself being kind or cheerful at all times ended up repulsing her.
Because that wasn’t her identity.
Besides, it wasn’t like she couldn’t be kind or she couldn’t be cheerful. She had people she trusted enough to show these emotions to. And that was enough for her.
For what reason should she allow those scum to see her true self? That should be a right reserved for those she allowed it to.
Her thoughts slowly became clear as she reaffirmed herself. She ended up coming out of that state only to realize the position she was currently in.
She was still clinging to Damien as hard as she could, even though her tears had run dry long ago. She slightly shifted her head to look up at him, only to see that he was still stuck in his thoughts.
Not wanting to interrupt him, she decided to stay in her current position. Besides, it was warm here.
‘Yes. I’m staying in this position so he isn’t interrupted. That’s what this is.’
Meanwhile, Damien was still thinking about the same concept as before. He was thinking about why things felt so different with Ruyue. And it didn’t take long to realize.
Rose was someone who could act as his confidant at any time. And through thick and thin, she was always supportive. But there were bound to be some things she couldn’t do.
Her personality, which ended up being much bolder than Damien’s, wasn’t one that could fully sympathize with him. Her problems lay elsewhere, but she never refused to confront them.
Rather, she confronted them as much as she could so that one day she could overcome them.
So when Damien saw Ruyue, who was similar to him, he felt something different from when he confided in Rose. He felt like the simple fact that Ruyue was the same as him helped him overcome himself, albeit slightly.
The process of change wasn’t something immediate, in fact, it took a great deal of time to complete. But today, under the moonlight, that process was expedited slightly.
However, no matter how refreshed Damien felt by this, there was no way he could feel completely happy at the moment.
The events prior to their conversation were still stuck in his mind. That creature pretending to be Elder Baba, it obviously had other plans.
And he doubted that it was working alone. From how easily it accepted death even though it couldn’t achieve anything in the end, he felt that there was something more going on.
But he wasn’t in any position to stop it. He was on a deadline. He had to get to that convention and complete the mission his master had given him.
If not for his master’s sake, then it was for his own. It was a matter related to his safety and the Nox who kept causing problems everywhere he went.
‘Again, I end up running away.’
There wasn’t just one village within this vast forest. When Damien spread his awareness earlier, he spotted at least 3 others. And within all of them, there were traces of the same murky mana he felt in Elder Baba’s hut.
He knew there were more problems in the forest. He knew more people would end up getting hurt after they left, but there was nothing he could do.
He wasn’t some hero with a misplaced sense of justice that would go around helping anyone without any benefit. That simply wasn’t his style. Still, he was from earth. He had a sense of values instilled in him since he was young.
Even if he could ignore the suffering of others on a larger scale, he wasn’t someone who would ignore things going on right in front of him. At least, that’s how it was usually.
But this time, there was nothing he could do.
‘Regardless of how powerful one gets, regardless if one can control the winds and rain with a snap of their fingers, time is an enemy that can’t be overcome.’