Chapter 63 Yesterday’s Phantom (V) 【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】【Since Bai Chuanren moved in, life has gradually become different. 】 【Finally, I don’t have to do those annoying housework myself anymore. 】 ## "……for you." Bai Chuanren put the coins in his hand on Su Beixun's desk somewhat embarrassedly. It's scattered and the amount is not large. Su Beixun flicked the coin with his fingers: "Is that all? What can you do for me?" Bai Chuanren looked embarrassed: "...This is all I have now. I will definitely pay it back in the future." Su Beixun sneered: "Forget it, just consider it as my charity." Throwing his schoolbag into Bai Chuanren's arms, he stood up and said, "Let's go, school is over." Tianshan Primary School encourages students to live in the school, but he absolutely did not want to live in the same room with a bunch of kids, so naturally he became a day student.
Bai Chuanren was also forcibly taken along as free labor. In November, it occasionally snows in Sapporo. The yellow ginkgo and red maple leaves have just begun to fall, and after being covered by a layer of white snow, the beauty of autumn and winter intersects, making it even more unique. "Want to eat crabs?" Su Beixun turned his head to look at the street lined with shops. Bai Chuanren followed behind with two schoolbags in his arms, stammering, "I... I have something to eat... I won't go... I'll wait for you outside..." "Oh, you mean the cold rice balls in the schoolbag?" He turned his head and grabbed the fat boy's soft cheek: "No wonder you get fat if you always eat this." Bai Chuanren felt pain, but he did not struggle. He just tilted his head in the direction of his force: "My mother said...I can't always take advantage of others..." "Whatever she says is true? What about your own thoughts?" Su Beixun pressed harder and harder with his two fingers until the little fat boy grimaced, then he suddenly let go. Bai Chuanren covered his red cheeks, his eyes blurred with tears from the pain: "My mother is a hero, I don't want to disappoint my mother... So, I must become the person she wants me to be." ## 【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】 [It was icy and snowy, and the cold wind made the windows rattle. ] ## "Fuck." Su Beixun kept turning the doorknob: "I forgot my key at school." He stretched his head to look down, and saw the branches of the big tree swaying in the wind. He said with a reluctant look, "Let's find someone to open it. I don't want to go back again." "It's okay, I'll go get it." Bai Chuanren is very aware that he is living under someone else's roof and wants to do more to repay his kindness.
He put his schoolbag on the ground. "Besides, in this kind of weather, unlocking the lock is very expensive... Mom said that saving is a virtue." "also." Su Beixun didn't care, as long as he wasn't the one going. I have already had dinner and it is now around nine o'clock. It was getting dark very quickly, and darker clouds covered the moon, but the road was still bright. The school was pitch black, with only the white snow on the ground looking clear. After the lights in the dormitory are turned off at 8:30, the only person who will be in the school is the security guard. However, through the glass of the guard room, Bai Chuanren saw the guard sleeping on the table with a bottle of wine in his arms. Feeling a little relieved, he lightened his steps, sucked in his stomach and squeezed through the gap in the iron gate. On days other than Sundays, the doors and windows of the teaching buildings are not locked. He walked around and easily found an unlocked window. He climbed in on tiptoe and arrived outside Su Beixun's classroom. And once again found a window that was not closed tightly. ——How lucky. He was somewhat happy as he got the key smoothly. When he left, he half hung on the window and wiped the tables and chairs he had stepped on. But soon after he left the teaching building, a person suddenly blocked his way. "...Akashi...classmate?" Bai Chuanren thought of the fist that hit him and took a step back timidly. Akashi Asuka approached and grabbed his collar without any hesitation: "Wow, who did I think it was? It turned out to be you!" He had sneaked out to play in the snow after the teacher checked the dormitories, and unexpectedly saw someone crawling into the teaching building, so he waited there curiously. "Aren't you a day student? Why are you here? Were you kicked out by your senior master?" Akashi Asuka mocked loudly. He also didn't want to live in the school, so he was even more hostile to Baichuan Ren after he became a day student. Bai Chuanren didn't know what to say. "Huh? What is this?" Through the light reflected from the snow, Akashi Asuka saw a string of shiny things hanging around his neck. He stretched out his hand and pulled the warm necklace from Bai Chuanren's arms. "It's this... It's not a valuable thing, why do you always carry it with you?" He exerted force suddenly, leaving a red mark on Bai Chuanren's neck, and then snatched the necklace into his hands.
"wait wait wait!" Bai Chuanren stretched out his hand but found nothing. He said anxiously, "Give it back to me!" Akashi Asuka took a step back, looked at his anxious expression, tossed the necklace, and said with a sly smile: "You want it? Beg me!" Bai Chuanren didn't hesitate at all: "Please, give it back to me!" Seeing that he compromised so easily, Akashi Asuka refused to give in: "Kneel on the ground and say it again!" Bai Chuanren hesitated, but looking at the necklace in his hand, he slowly knelt down: "Please...it is really important to me..." Akashi Asuka is very happy. He thought he must be very handsome now, just like those gang leaders in suits, and everyone was afraid of him. He opened the metal box of the necklace, looked closely at the dim light in the distance, and muttered, "It's just a photo, I thought it was something else... But since you want it so much..." Akashi Asuka held the necklace in his hand, imagining that he would use it to force Baichuan Ren to kneel down in front of everyone tomorrow, and his heart became more and more restless. The desire for control is something that is engraved in human genes. Whether it is influencing other people's decisions through preaching or directly controlling other people's behavior, the unparalleled sense of superiority will make people indulge in it endlessly. So, Akashi Asuka looked at Baichuan Ren like a superior teaching a subordinate, and said, "Look at you, following that senior around like a bag-carrying boy all day, what's the point?" "Even if I treated you like this, would he dare to stand up for you? I even hit you in front of him on purpose, but he still didn't dare to say a word?" He imitated what he saw on TV and tried to keep a straight face: "So, it's important to identify the boss!" Bai Chuanren knelt on the ground but couldn't help but whispered back: "He is not a waste... He... is very good to me..." Akashi Asuka, who was just getting into the mood, suddenly became furious. He took out the photo and tore it up. Then he imitated the tone of a TV gangster boss and said coldly: "I'm giving you a warning. I don't want this to happen again, otherwise I will take it out on you again... ahem, I'll tear this photo into four pieces!" After saying this, he turned and left, imagining his cloak fluttering behind him, with a protagonist-like smile on his face. But he didn’t see… Bai Chuanren behind him was trembling all over, grabbing the stone beside him with a fierce look... ## 【By the time I arrived, everything was over. 】 [A man fell on the base of the Pegasus statue, no longer alive.] [Blood dripped down the stone, dyeing the white snow scarlet, and the occasional twitching of the corpse made it look even more miserable.] [The black and white of heaven and earth collide with each other, and Bai Chuanren standing in the middle is so eye-catching that it is hard to describe! ] 【This is a wonder like a world-famous painting! 】 [Even I would be slightly distracted by this. ] [But... it wasn't a shock, but a sudden realization. ] [In that soul that fell from extreme to extreme, I clearly saw the path to redemption! ]
[I always thought that people like Bai Chuanren who never resisted and had a weak character would just silently endure whatever happened to them.] 【But this moment! 】 [Looking at his bloodstained face, I can no longer associate weakness with him.] [I looked at him quietly...] [The weak past that hindered my progress has quietly dissipated like smoke! ] [I can always see my own shadow in him...] [So, when he changed my inherent perception of him, I also understood how to prove my own talent to everyone! ] [I want to do something big, something unprecedented! ] [I don’t want to hide in the dark and be a scavenger anymore, because this is the ability that fate has given me. ] [Even if I become a legend by disappearing, it has nothing to do with me! ] ## "No wonder it takes you so long to get a key." Su Beixun looked at the scene - it should be Bai Chuanren who hit him on the back of the head with a stone, and he happened to hit the base of the statue after falling down, thus dying. "Congratulations, you have grown up." He walked over, patted Bai Chuanren's shoulder, and wiped the blood off the side of his cheek with his fingertips. "Don't worry, it's just manslaughter." He squatted down and fiddled with the still warm body: "And judging from his clothes, his family members are not powerful people." Looking at Bai Chuanren's dazed expression, Su Beixun comforted him: "At your age, you can just stay in the juvenile detention center for a few days. Don't take it too seriously." Su Beixun was not going to help him dispose of the body. Unlike adults, who know there is no evidence and will deny it, children can say anything if threatened. Bai Chuanren did not come back to his senses. Even when he saw Su Beixun's unusually calm expression facing the corpse, he did not react at all. He just stared at the ground blankly and kept muttering to himself: "I... killed someone... I... I killed him..." "I told you it's not a big deal!" Su Beixun grabbed his chin and turned his face to him: "Don't talk to me with your side face." But Bai Chuanren's face made Su Beixun pause. Those dark eyes lost all their luster and became gray, like a bottomless hole that swallowed up all the light that shone in. "I...brought shame to my mother..." He murmured in pain, but no tears could flow, because when his tears dried up all that was left was dead silence. "Okay, okay, what's the point of worrying about this now? It's already happened anyway." Su Beixun interrupted him: "You have one last night of free time before he is discovered. How about I treat you to something nice?" Bai Chuanren didn't say anything. He pried open the corpse's palm, took out the necklace that was in the palm, and stared at the photo that was torn in half.
"So that's it." Su Beixun saw the motive for the murder at a glance. “This is the last photo of my mother.” Bai Chuanren's voice was very low and his tone was hoarse. Su Beixun said indifferently: "Then stick it together." Bai Chuanren stood there for a moment, and finally shook his head: "No need." His expression became calm and restrained. Su Beixun held his chin and said, "What are you thinking about? Why do you feel so strange now?" "I just... suddenly feel very tired... that's all." In the vast expanse of white, Su Beixun suddenly understood what he meant. Everyone has a support in his heart, which allows us to suffer hardships and still love life. It can be emotion or goal, but you must always have one. But in today's cold winter wind, Bai Chuanren lost the photo and could no longer achieve his goal of becoming what his mother expected him to be. In the bleak life, he lost the shell that protected himself. ## [“Emotions between people are the anchors that anchor ourselves to the world. Without them, it is easy to hate the world and move towards self-destruction.”] 【I suddenly remembered what the principal said to me. 】 [If I go up to him and hug him now, and tell him that I am responsible for everything, can I give up his determination to die and become his new anchor in the world? ] 【Probably……】 【But I didn’t do that.】 [I don’t want him to be a burden to me, I don’t want him to be a constraint to me, the feelings between him and me are not enough for me to do more for him.] ## On the branches of the cherry trees... Su Beixun watched him tie the rope, step on the bench brought from the classroom, and put his head in. His hands and feet struggled unconsciously, his face turned red due to congestion, and half of his tongue was forced out. "The emotions between people are chains, and the expectations of others are cages!" He whispered to Bai Chuanren's gradually cooling body. “People respond to other people’s expectations out of emotion and try to change themselves in the direction they want. When their behavior does not match their expectations, they will torture themselves in their hearts, thus feeling regret and pain…” "The deeper the emotion, the more severe the torture..." "Oh, what an incurable stupidity!" As the sky began to lighten, a sharp scream was heard at the school gate.
He carried Bai Chuanren's stiff body down from the tree and walked towards there step by step. "I absolutely do not want to be bound by this kind of thing!" He examined his inner self bit by bit. Why do I want to go to primary school? Because I think I should go to school at this age. Why don't I accept murder requests? Because my remaining sense of morality makes me avoid it unconsciously. Why do I always feel like I am surrounded by childish kids? Because my memory tells me that I am already an adult. Whether it is social concepts or moral values, they are the expectations of the society on the individual, and are the biggest cage that binds a person! If he wants to face his true self, he must break free! He is going to accept a murder commission! I have to start emphasizing my identity as a ten-year-old and try to fit in with my current age... He wants to use this method to erase the influence of the past bit by bit! ## 【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】 [Everything is settled today...] [Inside the old body, a new self is being nurtured...] Yukiko Kudo was a little stunned: "Baichuan Ren, he's dead... Why didn't Su Beixun stop him? He is really an emotionless guy!" Mao Lilan sighed with emotion: "So this is what happened when the principal mentioned the two people died..." Kudo Yusaku was still able to maintain his rationality: "It seems that the death of Baichuan Ren caused the last bit of goodwill that Su Beixun placed on him to disappear." Conan, however, always remembered the main point of this trip: "Please, the most important thing should be the 'big thing' he mentioned... What exactly does he want to do?" "I don't know." Kudo Yusaku shook his head and turned to the last page of his diary. 【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】 [After much thinking, I finally understood what the "big thing" I should do is. ] [But now the time is not right, I can only continue to do the work of hiding. 】 [Perhaps, before the time comes, I will look for more people like Bai Chuanren... I always feel that their lives are more interesting than those of ordinary people...] I started writing at nine o'clock last night and have been writing until now. Although it’s only 4000 words, I wrote it over and over again several times. When I wrote this part, there were actually two plot lines: Jin Baichuan and Tatsuto Seto. Three things need to be accomplished – get rid of good intentions, break free from the weak past, and get rid of the influence of past lives. But because everyone thought this part was a bit boring, I cut Seto Tatsuto's line, shortened Baichuanren's line, and removed some of the content about his mother. In order to complete all three objectives reasonably with one line, I am almost dying of ecstasy.
In addition to these, there is also plot design. Bai Chuanren killed someone because of a photo. I wonder if my foreshadowing is enough? If it is enough, then he shouldn't feel that way. There is also the dialogue between Ming Shi Fei Niao and Baichuan Ren, which needs to be made more suitable for children. There is also the point where Bai Chuanren committed suicide. Because the content of his line was also shortened, his character setting that wanted to fulfill his mother's expectations was somewhat unstable. In order to make it look more reasonable, it was changed again and again. For example, in the first version, Bai Chuanren and Su Beixun had an inner conversation in the snow, which roughly wrote that after suffering domestic violence or school violence, he persisted in becoming "Ren" in order to fulfill his mother's last wish. But because there wasn't enough foreshadowing and the reading was forced to be sentimental, I left it all out. Let’s leave it at that for now, brothers. I’ll work out the details after I wake up. I really can’t bear it any longer. This is yesterday’s. I’ll write today’s after I wake up.
(End of this chapter)