"Are you sure you're okay?" Noah asked me during breakfast on Sunday. It was just us at the table full of food. His brothers had already ate and were upstairs in their room going over Coach's email while his parents were working, showing open houses to potential clients.
I shrugged. "I feel better. Just stop poking me."
He waved his hands freely for me to see. "No poking! See? I'm just worried about you. Him. It. This."
I frowned and stabbed my scrambled eggs. "I'll feel better if you quit asking about it. I already talked to Dr. Moore yesterday. I'm all talked out." I spent most of Saturday afternoon talking about my abstract feelings for Jeremy and the more I thought about, the more annoyed I got.
"Jake." Noah sounded sad, making me look up. He looked upset.
"What..?" I asked, worried about what he was going to say.
"You're not going to leave us for him, are you?" He pouted.
"No!" I blurted out. My eyes opened wide, I stared at him in disbelief. Did he want me to leave?
"Thank goodness." Noah sighed in relief and slumped in his chair. "I've been wanting to ask you since Dr. Moore left yesterday, but you didn't seem ready to talk about it. And now I just had to know."
"I like it here." I mumbled, looking away.
"Yea, but I didn't know if you'd like him more. He's your real brother after all." Noah said in a gloomy tone. "I eavesdrop on your talk with Dad and Dr. Moore yesterday. With you not wanting to completely distance yourself from him like you did in the beginning...it made me worry that you were going to leave."
"I don't want to leave." I sucked up the courage to say. "I like you. I like your family. This is what I want. It's just...I'm just curious as to what he's like."
Noah frowned in anger. "He's obviously a jerk."
"It'd be nice to clear the air though." I tapped my thumbs together as I repeated some of Dr. Moore's words. "I want to know why. I think that's the most important thing to me right now."
"I think you care too much, Jake." Noah stated. "He's not a good person. Can't you see that?"
"I'm not saying he is. But I want to know." I took a deep breath. "What if he treats me better once he believes we share the same dad? I'm not saying all is forgiven, but I want to know him. What about my uncle? Him and his family? I just want to know what it feels like, okay?"
"Just because things could have been different, doesn't mean that they would have been better." Noah sat up straight and stared me down.
"I know." I sighed. "I just don't want to leave a bunch of 'what-ifs' out there." Like his dad. But I couldn't say that. If Mr. Atkins hasn't told Noah all the details then it's not my place to either. "I want to clear the air." I reiterated.
"Fine." Noah stood up abruptly and took his plate to the kitchen to put in the sink.
Feeling a sense of loss, I could only just sit there.
"Hey, guys-" Dave walked in talking, but stopped short. "What's with this atmosphere? Are you two having a fight?"
I shook my head.
"Agree to disagree." Noah said as he stood by the table.
Dave lifted an eyebrow. "You know you can't fight with a mute right?"
"Hey!" Noah shouted, moving over to Dave. He punched him in the arm. "Jake isn't a mute."
"Oh? So you're still defending him?" Dave shrugged. "Can't be that big of a fight then."
I let a breath of air go.
"What do you want?" Noah said, sounding exasperated. Almost as annoyed as I felt earlier.
"You two didn't look at the email right?" Dave sat down across from me.
I shook my head while Noah shrugged.
"C'mon you guys. This is important stuff." Dave rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Coach sent us some information on our next opponent, Anderson High School. Really good batters. Pitching is on par with us."
"Which 'us'?" Noah asked. "You? Or Garret?"
"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Dave reached over to slap Noah but missed. "Fine. I won't tell you guys."
"It's cool." Noah grinned. "We'll just look at it ourselves."
"Don't bother." Kyle came in with Zeke right behind him. "There's not much there for the two of you to read."
"Why not?" Noah asked.
"You can't miraculously become a pitcher overnight, nor can you become a better hitter in a day. Meanwhile, Jake has nothing to worry about." Kyle smirked.
Zeke slapped Kyle on the back of the head before Noah could react. "Stop acting stupid." He looked to Noah. "Don't listen to his nonsense. Do you and Jake want to go to the cages? The twins are going to Kelvin's with Garret."
"Yes!" Noah bolted out of the room in a flash. Probably to go change.
I stood up to do the same.
"Jake, something you should know first." Zeke stopped me.
I froze; thinking it would be about Jeremy, my heart started to pound.
"Tomorrow, Anderson might pitch around you." Zeke told me. "Do you know what that means?"
Feeling relieved that it wasn't another talk about Jeremy, I just shrugged. "I don't have to swing?"
Zeke's eyes narrowed and focused on my injured arm. "Is it hurting?"
"What?" I lifted it. "Not so bad, no. Just tight. Don't touch it."
Zeke's lips twitched. "I don't think we're on the same page. If they pitch around you, you have to try and hit whatever is close. Don't let them walk you if you can."
Ohhhh. I turned red. Feeling embarrassed, I hurried to take my dishes to the sink and then hurried upstairs just as Noah was coming down.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Noah paused, making me stop too. "Why are you so red? Were they picking on you while I was gone?"
"No." I hurried back up the stairs.
It was nice knowing that Noah had my back even when it came to his brothers. I didn't feel so bad when he painted Jeremy in a terrible light.