Chapter 110. < The Way She Loves. (2) >
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*In case you guys didn’t catch the note last chapter: That was an April Fools’ chapter and not canon. Anyway, here’s a double release to make up for it!*
Translator: thursdays Editor: Yahiko PR: LightBrin
2.
Then, Raviel Ivansia tightened her grip. To kill a man. To feel everlasting pain.
-Euk, ghk, eup…!
The man’s body twisted. Raviel Ivansia’s sword penetrated further, deeper in his heart. He let out a painful scream. The scream tore through the space only the two of them occupied .
‘I don’t want to kill you.’
Raviel Ivansia bit her lips.
‘I don’t want to lose you.’
But despite her wishes, Raviel Ivansia stabbed the man with increasing strength. She vividly felt everything in her hands. With a touch, his chest caved in. His flesh was lacerated. His heart was pierced, and he kept coughing up blood.
All of these things became Raviel Ivansia’s scars.
‘More.’
She had to feel it more strongly. She had to engrave this moment as her trauma from now on. So that one day, who knows when, the man she loved could see this sight.
So when the man was about to cough up more blood, Raviel Ivansia stole his lips.
-……!
A bloody breath flowed from his heart to her mouth. It was red and sticky. This was her man’s warmth. This was her man’s blood. This was her man’s heart.
Raviel Ivansia shut his mouth so that not a single drop would leak.
-……
The man was dying.
Raviel Ivansia did not blink. She didn’t want to miss the moment of her beloved’s death, the moment when his complexion turned pale, his movements stopped, and his breath faded—each and every moment was agony for her.
She didn’t want to lose him.
She wanted to let herself scream at the world.
She didn’t want to lose this man.
What if this moment didn’t become her trauma? What if, because of that, all her plans failed? Then she would forget him, and he would lose her. There would be nothing left.
Raviel Ivansia was afraid.
‘More.’
For her, fear in itself was a disgrace. It was an insult. But Raviel Ivansia constantly repeated this terrifying scene, unleashing her dire imagination. She deliberately deepened the wound.
She imagined him failing to convince the Tower.
She saw herself forgetting him and living the way she used to before.
She pictured the two of them passing each other in the hallway, unaware.
Wounds piled on top of more wounds.
-……
Then, Raviel Ivansia saw. His death.
-……
Raviel Ivansia understood it. This period was like leftover time. It would be a very brief moment before her man returned. He would probably regress after a few seconds. Caught up in his timeline, she would also regress the same way soon.
Just a few seconds. Only a few seconds.
But those few seconds felt like an eternity to Raviel Ivansia.
She slowly parted her lips.
-Gongja?
There was no answer.
-Gongja.
Ah.
At that exact moment, Raviel Ivansia knew. That was right. This last scene, the absence of an answer.
His unfocused gaze. His lips that stopped as if he had forgotten how to speak. This moment was now a trauma that Raviel Ivansia could never wash away.
Everything was clear.
She had never felt a scar worse than this.
-……
Raviel Ivansia hugged him. She embraced his body, using the few seconds she had left to hold him.
Believing in him.
[Trauma reenactment complete.]
Like I believed in you, you’ll believe in me, Gongja.
[Confirming that the subject’s psyche is maintained.]
So, we can wait for each other.
[The penalty is ending.]
We had to.
[Currently, your immersion rate is 98%.]
ㆍ
ㆍ
ㆍ
It was strangely difficult to open my eyes.
“Butler?”
The Lady of the Golden Silk, who was sitting across me, was startled. It was weird. Her always-shining face looked blurry to me today.
“Did something happen? Why are you like this so suddenly?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re crying. Right now.”
Only then did I realize I was crying. I was shocked. Just a moment ago, the Lady of the Golden Silk and I were chatting together.
I only blinked my eyes.
In that moment, tears had begun to flow.
“Ah…?”
Even worse, the tears weren’t stopping.
“B-butler? I’m a little scared. I’m not afraid of much, but I’m a little scared now. Why did you suddenly start crying while we were talking? D-did I do something strange again?”
“No… That’s… I don’t know why either.”
“Are you crying for no reason? Are you going insane? Geez, you’re really dripping all over… W-what should I do? It’s the first time you’ve cried like this since I beat you up when you were five years old…”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you, milady? Please forget about it.”
“But, butler. Even if I forget about you being beaten up when you were five, I still beat you when you were six, seven, fourteen, and occasionally, even now. If you ask me to forget all that, I’ll have amnesia. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that your life is a series of being beaten up by me.”
Amnesia.
“……”
“Ack, I thought you were stopping now, but why are you crying again?! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I keep hitting you! I won’t hit you anymore. Even when I hit you, I won’t insult your pride. That’s enough, right?!”
“I think I had a nightmare, milady…”
“What? A nightmare? Did I get caught by a monster and die?”
“No. A woman was crying a lot while looking at me… I wanted to wipe away her tears, but I was sad that I couldn’t.”
“I see.”
The Lady of the Golden Silk made a look of deep understanding.
“That woman was me.”
“It was absolutely not you, milady… Milady could never make such a melancholy and noble expression. Your mood is naturally different…”
“Ah. Should I just hit you?”
The Lady of the Golden Silk looked at me with narrowed eyes. Normally, I would have to bow and say sorry, and the lady would reply, “I’m generous, so I understand,” with an expression as if it couldn’t be helped.
Instead, I got up from the chair.
“Butler?”
“I need to go somewhere for a moment.”
“Huh? But it’s night. I was going to tell you that I was going to meet the crown prince for dinner tomorrow. I was excited and wanted to show off. You’re obligated to listen to me brag, butler.”
I bowed.
“I apologize, milady. But there’s a place I have to go.”
“……”
The Lady of the Golden Silk squinted at me. She put her hand on the chair and stared, bemused.
“All right. You have a brain, and if you have a brain, you can think for yourself. But don’t come back with bare hands! Stop by the kitchen and steal me a muffin.”
“Tomorrow, His Highness will gift you a blue coral ring.”
The Lady of the Golden Silk blinked.
“What?”
“I’m heading out now.”
I walked out.
Behind me, the lady yelled, “Butler! Is that for real?!” However, I ignored her shouts.
“Wait a moment. Even if you’re going out, answer me first! Butler, you jerk!”
The lady had become tamer after coming to Sormwyn Academy, but her spirit was still that of the boss of the alley kids. She was the one who beat up the other kids in our hometown.
‘My master.’
I hurried.
It should have been the first time I went down this path, but my feet seemed to know the way.
‘It’s like I’ve walked down this path before.’
The gate of the Lady of the Silver Lily’s residence was open. There were no guards. It should have been weird, but I only thought, ‘I thought it would be like that.’ My feet did not hesitate to cross the garden.
The hallway.
“You’ve arrived.”
A speck of moonlight.
“…Were you waiting for me?”
“Yes. Today is the [second].”
Questions and answers that lacked context. A conversation that I couldn’t understand stirred the night air. With the full-length mirror at her back, the Lady of the Silver Lily was smiling.
“Look in the mirror.”
“……”
“What do you see?”
+
■■■
■■■: ■■
■■: [Martial ■], [Ro■ce], [■■], [■■]
■■ ■■
■■ ■■■: [Master/Teacher], [Lover], [■■■ ■■], [■■■], [■■■], [■■d], [■■], [■■■■■■■■■■], [■■■■ ■■■■■], [■■ ■■■■■]
+
“…I can see the words ‘Master/Teacher’ and ‘Lover.’ The letter ‘d’ as well. I can see fragments of small words, but I don’t understand what they mean.”
“Call me.”
“Heir… ”
I was about to call her Heiress Ivansia, but I shut my mouth.
Even though that was the title I should have used to show Raviel Ivansia the most respect.
『Never call me [Heiress] with your mouth again.』
『I will tear out your heart and kill you.』
I remembered a conversation I never had. It was like a peek into a dream from a previous life.
I was confused. I felt that I shouldn’t call her Heiress no matter what.
“…Milady.”
“You’ve gotten much better.”
The Lady of the Silver Lily came closer to me. Her red eyes stared at me. But she was only looking. The lady’s lips were tightly closed.
『What dream did you have?』
Nevertheless, I felt like the Lady of the Silver Lily was speaking to me. Her closed lips seemed like they were moving. It was too intense and too clear to be a hallucination.
“Your Ladyship… You were crying.”
『And?』
“You kept calling for someone. A man was tied up in front of you… It must have been him whom you called. But I don’t remember the man’s name.”
『Then?』
“Your Ladyship suffered as you stabbed the man with a sword.”
Weird.
Why did I keep talking to someone who didn’t respond? Why was the Lady of the Silver Lily quietly listening to me?
It was really weird.
The weirdest part was that my heart didn’t find this situation to be awkward.
“That is admirable.”
The Lady of the Silver Lily stroked my head. ‘That is admirable.’ The words echoed deep into my heart. ‘That is admirable.’ A long, long time ago… I think I heard these words before I was even born into this world.
I felt like I smelled a blue scent.
“Look.”
The Lady of the Silver Lily pulled something out from her bosom.
It was a card.
“…What is that?”
“It’s proof that you worked hard for me. You can feel proud.”
Tightly packed words were engraved on the golden card.
+
[A Regressor’s Love]
Rank: EX
Effect: For a regressor, love is like poison. No matter how much you struggle, you can’t share your time with the one you love. Thus, a certain regressor begged, ‘Please retain my lover’s memories.’ That wish reached the Tower and came true.
You share a timeline with your beloved. When your lover regresses a day, you too go back a day. When you regress a day, your lover regresses a day. This is the covenant of the ring. This is the marriage of time.
May luck be with you both.
※However, the skill only works when you and your beloved love each other.
+
“……”
I don’t know why, but I was speechless.
“Please keep my lover’s time.”
The Lady of the Silver Lily smiled a little.
“It’s troublesome to be proposed to like this. I love your voice. Do you understand? If you don’t say it yourself, I won’t listen. So, you have to come back to me quickly.”
My heart pounded.
“I’m going to kill you. I’ll kill you over and over until you come back. If you can come back by seeing my scars, I’ll show you them as many times as necessary.”
“Milady…”
“So look at my wounds and suffer. Look at the scar you left on me. Look at it again and again. There are traces of you there.”
The Lady of the Silver Lily reached out her hands and grabbed my neck.
“You are the only person in this world who can kill me.”
Gently.
“You should know that I’m the only person who can kill you.”
And I saw.
[You have died.]
[The trauma of the enemy who killed you is being reenacted.]
I saw… then saw again.
[Currently, your immersion rate is 97%.]
I saw the Lady of the Silver Lily shedding tears.
I saw her killing a man, again and again.
Every day I went back, I lived in her dreams.
[You have died.]
[Currently, your immersion rate is 96%.]
We loved each other in a past life.
[You have died.]
[Currently, your immersion rate is 95%.]
We will love each other in this life as well.
Possibly even in the next.
[Currently, your immersion rate is 94%.]
[Currently, your immersion rate is 93%.]
[Currently, your immersion rate is 92%.]
That I hurt you. That you cried in a place I haven’t seen, in a time when I couldn’t be with you. Your silent tears.
If I don’t forget them.
If I don’t forget them, if I remember them—
[Currently, your immersion rate is 91%.]
We can love each other forever.
[Currently, your immersion rate is 90%.]
Then.
Then.
Then.
Then I’ll return to you.
Opening a door. Crossing the garden. Running down the hallway.
You were born as the daughter of the Duke of Ivansia. You had a sad mother and lived a sad life. Your husband was decided before you were born, and after you were born, you dedicated your life to that person.
You are a white flower.
You are called the Moon of Ivansia, you were called the heiress, and I called you Your Ladyship.
“You’ve arrived.”
“……”
You are standing in the hallway. In this hallway, in the dark night, you are like a lone island in the sea. An infinite sea surrounded you. I heard the crashing waves.
You are not Heiress Ivansia, not the Lady of the Duchy, nor Your Ladyship.
“Raviel.”
The white flower smiles.
“I was waiting, Gongja.”
I.
I love you.