“Hey Eri-chan, why are you grinning like an idiot? Are you that happy to be having new clothes… nah, that can’t be it, you are just so excited about getting to go on holiday with big bro, right?”
The voice of my best friend Aiko-chan startled me. Looking up from the suitcase I was holding I smiled at her a little. “I think it’s you who is excited, Aiko-chan. Ever since Akio returned to Tokyo you’ve been restless. Really you love Akio a lot, don’t you?”
Aiko-chan has always been very fond of Akio. Everyone at school always used to laugh about it. Still, Akio loves her very much as well. I think it’s nice…
“Wow, Eri-chan is making fun of me. That’s unusual. I guess finally dating my bro has made you grow up. Who’d have thought a few kisses would mature you so?”
Reflexively I touched my lips, feeling my face heating up. Kisses… I found it hard to believe I could be so bold, but when the moment came, I couldn’t stop myself… muttering an embarrassed reply back to Aiko-chan I let my mind drift back…
I had always been really shy as a child, which was strange, as my parents were outgoing. They always tried to encourage me, but other people… I found them scary. I’d rather shut myself away, and read or play with toys. But my parents were friends with another couple, the father had grown up as childhood friends with them, and after working abroad he came back with a foreign bride and a young son. They had a daughter about the same time as I was born, so it was only natural that Aiko-chan and I would be thrown together…
I don’t remember it well, but it took me a while to warm up to Aiko-chan, or so I’m told. Still, eventually we became good friends, toddling about and doing things young children did. There was always someone else there though, someone older. A boy. Again, at first he must have frightened me, but seeing how Aiko-chan obviously adored him, I eventually lost my wariness.
As we start to get to the age I can remember, Akio grew larger in my thoughts. He was always watching over us, and if Aiko-chan or I was too tired to walk home after playing he would carry us, or if other kids came over and scared us, he would fend them off. In time I just… expected… him to be around. And then…
The dog… I still remember it now. the huge dog, towering over us, eyes mad with rage… sharp teeth. I shuddered uncontrollably, just thinking of it.
“Hey, are you cold?” Aiko-chan asked. She was rummaging around in her case for snacks. “Want me to get some hot tea when the vendor comes around?”
“No, I’m fine. A bit tired but… just… just thinking of the past.” Looking out of the train window I cast my mind back again. I remember screaming and wetting myself, too scared to move. Aiko-chan was crying beside me… it wouldn’t be surprising if we died there that day. Yet Akio… I remember his back, shielding us from harm, as the dog tore into him… I remember blood, so red, bright under the sun, and the sound of screams. Then I fainted and I knew no more until I woke up that night…
When I next saw Akio he was all bandaged up and pale, yet seeing me he gave me a smile and asked if I was all right. I think it was then I first knew love, though at the time I had no name for the feeling.
School started then, and it was hard for me, as people frightened me still, especially other boys. I was pretty, everyone told me, my parents, even Aiko-chan, though I always felt Aiko-chan was prettier than me. I wished I had her eyes, blue as the sea… still, Aiko-chan was always in my class and shielded me, and if there was ever any real trouble… Akio was always there.
For years I followed at his back, only feeling relaxed when I was with him and Aiko-chan. As puberty hit the boys became more aggressive, trying to ask me out or worse, but Aiko-chan and Akio always helped me. I never really understood love, yet I did understand that Akio would always be there for me…
Until he left.
“You sure you’re okay, Eri-chan?” Aiko-chan asked, and I nodded, stifling a yawn, as we had only slept a little last night.
“I’m all right, why wouldn’t I be? We are going to see Akio. I can’t say I’m not worried though…”
“Yeah I get that. Do… do you think we aren’t normal?” Aiko-chan asked me, a little hesitant. “Shouldn’t… we be more afraid or wierded out by all this?”
I thought about it, as I had many times over the last few days. “It does sound like something out of a manga, but we know it is true. We’ve seen the proof. When it is there in front of us, all we can do is accept it. Besides…” I trailed off, speaking quietly, almost too quietly to hear. “… I always knew Akio was special. He was always a hero… to me.”
Akio moved away to University, and we were without him for the first time. Aiko-chan was distraught, and I… for the first time I think I realised what love meant. I wanted to spend my life with Akio and Aiko-chan. Did I want to do things with Akio like those scary boys wanted to do with me and Aiko-chan? I… I thought I did. At first Akio came home every few months, and it was bearable, but as years passed he came home less and less often, and calls and texts dried up… he had gone on ahead…
“A hero… sure. But … ugh. When we went to Inuyama and the two of them disappeared, only to come back like that… “ Aiko-chan was clenching her firsts so hard that her knuckles had gone white. “I can’t believe my big bro thinks that we wouldn’t notice… if it wasn’t for Shaeula telling us it was all okay…”
I know. I feel sick just thinking about it. “I wanted to hit her. I’ve never felt that way before and it scared me.” I admitted. “Akio was trying to pretend he wasn’t hurt, but… close to him I could smell the blood, and when he thought we weren’t looking, the pain on his face, the way he was limping…”
“Yeah, even the idiot duo noticed something was wrong when he was eating with gloves on…”
“The only thing was…” She was hurt too. Putting on a brave face.
“Wow, yeah I know. The whole situation is just mad. I can see why big bro moonstone doesn’t want to worry us, but he’s doing a really bad job of that, isn’t he? Making his girlfriend sad like that, he’s the worst!”
Girlfriend. As time passed I watched girls in class like Yae-san getting boyfriends and listened to them talk of the things they did, seeming so happy. I… I wanted that too. But I was never able to catch up with Akio. Even now if a dog like that was to attack, I’m not confident I could do much about it… and I could never leave our town, go out into the world like he had. Even now people still scare me, I only talk to those I trust… I felt… I felt like nothing I ever did would matter. I’m so pathetic…
“Well, anyway, cheer up Eri-chan. I got a text from Shaeula saying he’s all healed up as good as new and apparently it was all worth it. I don’t really get it, but she promised us we will, right? She’s… pretty great, isn’t she? Though you might not want to hear that, eh?”
“I’ve… complex feelings about her, yes.” I admitted. When Akio came back with Shaeula, I felt my heart was crushed. I had given up, or so I thought, he had moved ahead, and even when we were together, he treated me exactly like Aiko-chan, the sister he dearly loved. I felt happy he cherished me so, but … I no longer wanted to be like his sister, I wanted more. She was an obstacle to that… I could tell… “She… I think… no I know she has feelings for Akio too. I don’t know what they’ve shared together, but if it is life-or-death, like she said… it’s no wonder she likes him. And …”
“Yeah. I get it. My big bro… he’s clearly into her too. They are pretty natural together. Makes me sick honestly, when did my big bro get to be such a player? He’s just big bro moonstone after all. Still, that doesn’t mean you lose out. He’s totally into you as well Eri-chan, and why not? After all, you are way too cute!” Aiko-chan sprang up from her seat and started snuggling me while I tried to fend her off.
Everyone, even Shaeula, the girl who had crushed my dreams, urged me not to give up. I’m not brave, I always hid behind his back, but… with everyone pushing my back, under the fireworks… I said what was in my heart, hidden for so long. And in that moment…
“I… I think I’m a greedy girl, Aiko-chan. I want Akio to be all mine, the way only he is in my heart. There isn’t room for anyone else…”
“Wow, that hurts my feelings badly, Eri-chan. Don’t you have me in your heart? And you don’t even want me near big bro? Wow, I think I’m going to cry. Sob sob sob!”
“Don’t sob in such a monotone way.” I laughed, the mood brightening. “You know I don’t mean you, Aiko-chan. You, me and Akio, the three of us, we are going to be together forever… or until you find a man. It isn’t just me who is popular, you know. Since you are so outgoing everyone likes you. Just look at Kenji-san.”
“I’d rather not.” Aiko-chan said primly. “That guy is garbage. As for a man… well, I can’t say I’m not interested in romance, but our town has no-one worth dating. Besides… I want them to be at least as good as my big bro. I’m not settling for someone worse than you!” she poked my cheek. “So maybe I’ll just be a mean sister-in-law and let you and my bro take care of me for life.”
“I wouldn’t mind, if that’s what you wanted, but you’d worry Akio like that. Still… I don’t want other girls hanging around him, especially ones as beautiful as Shaeula.” Ugh, jealousy doesn’t feel good, and its worse as she has… been nothing but good to us.
“Yeah, but should she count? I mean, is Shaeula even really a girl? After all, she isn’t human, is she? Wow, can’t believe I’m seriously saying that. How can a week turn our lives upside down like this? I knew it, we are definitely strange.”
I still don’t feel I’ve earned Akio’s heart. I still feel I forced him, though everyone tells me that isn’t true. But Shaeula was right about one thing. All I have to do is make sure he never regrets loving me, returning twice what I receive. And I can do it. After all… this has always been fated, has it not?
I smiled then, genuinely. Putting my thoughts in order had helped a little, though knowing me I’d be ruminating on the same thoughts again soon enough. “Oh she definitely counts. The way she talks to him, looks at him… smiles at him. She’s a girl, no matter what. It’d be easier if she was a bad person, but…”
“Yeah, we’ve only known her a few days, but I consider her a friend.” Aiko-chan agreed. “But to think she’s a magical non-human princess. My brother has done really well resisting her until now, so cut him a bit of slack. Anyway, to think she is teaching us magic. Wow, my heart races at the thought of it. Not that I really get it, do you? I’m pretty dumb after all.”
I hate it when you say that… “You aren’t dumb at all. it’s just Akio is more focused on academics, so in comparison…”
“Wow, academics, yeah. Did you see the baseball game? Can’t say that about big bro anymore. Still… I’m not really grasping what Shaeula asked us to do. I can get the visualisation, that isn’t too different to kyudo, but what good does that do?”
“I’m not sure.” Shaeula did something to us both that night, and it really hurt, leaving us crying in pain for ages on the floor, clutching our lower bodies. Once we recovered she taught as a visualisation technique where we had to imagine and even feel energy being drawn into a point on our lower bodies. It didn’t make much sense, but Shaeula seemed sure it would work…
“I know-know what I am doing, it will work. I am not mistaken like I was with Akio, but never tell him that-that!” Aiko-chan mimicked, mirroring my thoughts. As I too giggled I touched my lower body. Sometimes I felt a faint prickling there after the exercises, and I did it as often as I had free time. if … if Akio was going to face danger, I would never allow him to face it without me, not alone with Shaeula, that was for sure!
“Still, she seems cautious. If we get a strong feeling there we are to stop, otherwise it might damage our bodies. It isn’t like those anime where she just gives us power.” Aiko-chan observed.
“I trust her, because Akio does, and she trusts him too.” I declared. I want Akio to trust me too. I’ll be of help to him, I know it. “Maybe we should practice on the train. We have time?”
We spent the next few hours on the train alternating visualisation and chatting. I could feel faint prickles of something in my lower body, like small needles jabbing me, but it was faint, perhaps just an illusion? As the train pulled into Tokyo station I looked out the window, my heart skipping a beat.
He’s here. Akio. I’ve looked at your back all these years, yearning… but now I’m finally catching up… Even seeing Shaeula beside him couldn’t dampen my mood. No more withdrawing. I’ll fight for what I want… never again will I let him leave me behind. I’ll walk beside him from now on…
The feeling of needles in my body increased, faint warmth spreading, though it was drowned in the warmth I felt in my heart, seeing Akio again…