Kairos didn’t speak immediately, at a loss as to how he should start. It wasn’t as though he had no idea, but rather he had too many. He began hesitating, unable to come to a decision.
Nicole looked at him curiously, wondering what he was going to say. She was honestly not very optimistic.
Although Kairos tolerated her presence, he also hardly talked to her of his own volition. Even if she wanted to convince herself that Kairos wasn’t pushing her away, that probably wouldn’t be possible.
And so, she was fully expecting to be rejected.
Despite the fact this was more or less what she was expecting, she couldn’t help but feel a dark cloud over her head while she waited for Kairos to talk.
There was a part of her that called herself a fool. After all, a rejection would inevitably impact their relationship, even if realistically nothing should change. There would be an awkwardness that they would never be able to shake off even if they both tried their best to.
However, there was another part of her that just wasn’t willing to hide it anymore, even if both of them actually knew. Perhaps she would come to regret it later, but this was the choice that she made.
Nonetheless, a small smile rested on her face.
After hesitating for a few minutes, Kairos felt that he was just stalling at this point. Though he really didn’t know how to start, he just decided to say the first things that came to mind.
“I still sometimes think about when we were younger. A time when we were still naive. When we didn’t really care about all that many things, or rather, we didn’t have to care.”
He blinked a few times.
“Sometimes I wish I could just become as shameless as my younger self, a person that didn’t care about how my actions would affect others.”
Nicole seemed a little confused how this was related, but nodded slowly.
“Yeah, I think so too. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just too much of a bother, and if I should just give up.”
Her smile remained on her face, but it seemed a little sader.
“But… even if I’m a bother because of it, I’m too selfish to stop.”
Kairos chuckled.
“Wow, you described yourself perfectly.”
Nicole puffed up her cheeks.
“Wh… I-I’m not talking about you!”
Kairos averted his gaze slightly.
“Well, I’m not trying to say you were ever a bother to me.”
Nicole’s expression gradually relaxed.
“…You don’t have to lie to me.”
Kairos coughed.
“I’m not lying.”
Nicole let out an annoyed hum.
“But… but you have to be lying! You can just tell me the truth. Even if it hurts, that’s for the best.”
Kairos sighed.
“I’m seriously telling the truth.”
Nicole stared at him blankly.
“…But how?”
Kairos smiled bitterly.
“Oh come on, is that really so hard to believe?”
Nicole hit the bed lightly.
“Yes! Yes it is! Why would you… push me away whenever I try to do anything?”
She scratched the side of her head.
“E-Er, I guess it’s unfair to say that you always do so… because you never run away from my tackles.”
Kairos pointed at her accusingly.
“Just because I don’t fight back, doesn’t mean you should keep doing that. It actually hurt sometimes, you know? Why can’t you just do it normally?”
Nicole pouted.
“But… it’s not the same if I do it normally!”
Kairos sighed.
“Well, anyway.”
Kairos grabbed onto her hand, prompting her to blush.
“… It’s going to be a little weird to explain why I’m pushing you away.”
His eyes glazed over slightly, as he recalled memories.
“What I said last time wasn’t a lie. I really was quite saddened when you ran away.”
Nicole couldn’t help but look down. She had a strong urge to run away, and might’ve even done so if Kairos wasn’t holding on to her.
“S-Sorry.”
Kairos shook his head.
“You don’t have to apologize for that.”
Nicole bit the bottom of her lip.
“B-But I-”
“You really don’t.”
Kairos cut her off. This made Nicole shiver, and tears began forming in her eyes.
Kairos could sense the general state she was in. With his other hand, he reached over to Nicole’s chin, gently lifting it up to face him.
Though Nicole didn’t want to see him, once she did, her face was colored with shock.
Because Kairos was smiling.
He continued.
“But really, you were the one defending me, you know? Sure, maybe you were too scared to deal with the bullies, and realistically, you probably wouldn’t have been able to do anything either.”
Kairos took a deep breath.
“But you would never let anyone speak bad about me without yelling at them, even if that did land you in trouble many times. For some reason, for a person like me, you gave up your entire social life just to defend me.”
He pressed his lips together.
“It would’ve been so easy for you to become popular. All you really had to do was smile and not provoke anyone, then you would’ve been liked by pretty much everyone. If you played your cards right, you might’ve even had the entire school wrapped around your finger.”
Nicole blinked rapidly.
“E-Eh? You have to be exaggerating… I was never a popular person…”
Kairos shook his head.
“Even if that’s what you really think, I know that’s not true. I was a well known loser at school. Many times, people told you to stop associating with me, and they surely would’ve gotten really close to you.”
Nicole frowned slightly.
“Mm… but I don’t want to get close to people that tell me to stop being with you.”
Kairos rolled his eyes.
“And really, what benefit was there to being with me? The only thing I did was drag your name through the mud. Ironically enough, while you didn’t protect me directly, just being known as a person you cared about prevented many people from messing with me.”
Nicole’s eyes widened.
“What? Huh? How does that make any sense?”
Kairos laughed.
“Even if you were with me all the time, many of the guys still wanted to have a chance with you, and it was pretty well known that if any of them did anything to me, you would never forgive me. And that was despite the fact many of them knew it would be hard to get with you if you were that attached to me.”
Nicole smiled bitterly.
“W-What? You don’t have to give me false compliments.”
Kairos sighed.
“…You can’t really say that with the amount of confessions you got.”
Nicole tilted her head to the side.
“But it’s normal for girls to get that kind of thing.”
Kairos’ face twitched.
“…It’s not normal enough to get at least one confession nearly every week. I think there was only maybe five weeks where you didn’t get a confession in one way or another.”
Nicole scratched the side of her face.
“I-I guess it was a little above average.”
Kairos sighed.
“I guess what I’m trying to say is… I always felt inferior to you.”
This was when Nicole’s eyes widened the most. A gasp much louder than she intended escaped her.
“H-Huh? What do you mean?”
Kairos closed his eyes.
“You were always really good with people. You never had trouble with being energetic, even if realistically you were tired. You always had a cheerful attitude, even if everything around you was gloomy. Somehow, you never gave up in making me at least a little bit happier, no matter how little of an effect it had, or even if I didn’t reciprocate your efforts.”
He paused.
“And the only thing I ever did was ruin your relationships with others because people knew you were friends with me. Because of me, you couldn’t have a school life filled with as many friends as you could ever want.”
Kairos let out a weak chuckle.
“I guess… I thought that you were better off without me, so I kept trying to push you away. But at the same time, I could never really decisively separate from you. If I pushed a little harder, I surely could’ve ended our relationship.”
His eyes slowly opened.
“But… I was too scared of actually living a life without you. So I couldn’t in the end.”
Nicole looked at Kairos in shock, unable to truly comprehend the words he had been saying for the longest time. For quite some time, she remained rooted in the spot.
And when she fully replayed the words in her head for the second time, she finally understood everything he said.
The tears she had been fighting back burst out, while she wrestled out of Kairos’ grip in order to grab onto his shoulders tightly.
“I… I never cared about those people! Ruining my relationships with them… that only helped me! I don’t care about a highschool life filled with friends.”
Kairos still looked somewhat despondent.
“But… the ideal normal life was taken away by me.”
Nicole began shaking Kairos. Although his stats were significantly higher, his body felt quite limp, causing him to be shaken quite fiercely.
Nicole was on the verge of screaming.
“I don’t care about friends! I don’t care about having a normal life! If I can just be with someone… someone I truly care about, then I don’t care about anything else! I could hardly care about the apocalypse going on around us because you’re here, you know?”
Kairos was slightly taken aback, unable to say anything in response.
Nicole continued, still shaking him.
“And you’ve done so much for me! Maybe I’ve tried to cheer you up, but that’s nothing to compare with what you’ve done before! Because of you, I got out of my depression when I was still a kid. I was just trying to repay it, even if all my attempts could hardly do anything.”
Though Kairos had more or less gotten the point, this hardly seemed like where she was going to stop.