"Varian…" Sia slowly said, her beautiful face had a cold expression. It that a coldness he wasn't familiar with.
She showed no emotions and just uttered his name.
"S-Sia…" Varian didn't care about the fluctuations in his voice.
He slowly took a step forward and reached out his hand to touch her. Instead of feeling the warmth of her hair, all he felt was the coldness of the air.
…She wasn't here after all.
Varian felt a faint loss but quickly cheered himself.
They were able to meet—even if it was only through a video call.
"You really came." Sia closed her eyes and sighed softly. Her cold expression melted a little.
Varian withdrew his hand and clenched his fists. He tried to control himself, but his body trembled.
Her voice…how long was it since he heard her?
He could recognize it even in a million voices!
Soft, kind and pleasant. With a touch of affection and closeness. Her voice always filled brightened his day.
But..
…Why was her voice so lonely?
…Why was it so cold?
No, he knew why. After all the hardship she endured…
"I really did." Varian smiled from the bottom of his heart.
Sia paused for a moment and then shook her head indifferently. "I don't want to see you again."
Her expression remained frosty…but it was her words that made him feel like he fell into an ice cellar.
Even though Enigma said the same thing, hearing it from Sia herself, Varian felt as if his body was frozen.
For a moment, he struggled to even breathe.
He felt a pain deeper than any physical injury. It was like his heart was prickled with needles and stabbed all over.
"…Why?" Varian asked, barely composing himself.
Why are you still hiding from me?
Why did you never contact me?
That one word contained his million questions.
Sia's avatar paused for a moment before she glared at him. Her cold gaze now had resentment. "Your first promise. You promised to protect me. Did you ever?"
Varian felt like air was knocked out of his lungs. He opened his mouth to reply but no words came out.
Except for the first few years, it was always her protecting him. Always her helping him.
He…he never kept his promise.
Sia's gaze turned sharper, piercing his heart. "Roxana…when I had to endure all the pain for 121 days, where were you?
When I cried every day from pain, when I just wanted to die, when I wished I was never born…when I needed you the most,
Where were you?"
Varian flinched and took a step back. His face was pale and he closed his eyes in pain.
Her words were sharp, but it was imagining her pain that hurt him the most. He hated himself…he was never there for her.
He coud argue that even if he was there, he could not help her. He could also justify it as him forgetting her.
But…
Nothing could take away her suffering. And the fact that he was never there for her was an indisputable fact.
"…" Like a fire melting the toughest of metal, the guilt melted whatever words he had.
All he could do was stare back into her eyes in hopes of sharing the pain she had to suffer to turn this cold.
Sia looked at his silence and raised her head. Her golden eyes that used to be soft were now filled with indifference. "I am level 7 now. I can take care of myself. And if I'm not unlucky, this will be our last meeting."
Saying so, Sia turned around.
Her voice turned increasingly colder. "Any last words?"
Varian's clenched fists loosened and he took a deep breath. He looked at her aloof back and said sincerely. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you.
Out of our little family of three, you are all I have left.
I failed my promises…so I want to make my amends. Give me a chance.
I'm not the strongest yet, but I can keep you safe. And soon, I'll be the strongest."
Then Varian's voice turned incredibly cold. "And to avenge you, I'll exterminate the Xanders. Every single soul in that island. None of them will live. It's a promise…a promise I'll not break."
Sia still had her back facing to him. She didn't even turn around and merely scoffed. "Easy to say. But I have a hard time believing…especially when you forgot I ever existed. It's actually funny."
Varian stared at her back…which now appeared lonely and hurt. "Actually, I still remembered a part of you."
His voice turned melancholic. "I would dream of you…I can't hear what you were saying, but I saw you everyday. Doctors told me it was symptoms of my depression…I tried to convince myself that was the case.
But…no matter how hard I tried to ignore, I cannot forget you.
My memories were lost…but I never forgot you. I don't know how, I don't know why, but you were always with me."
Sia lightly trembled before stabilizing herself.
"…I don't care anymore. You live your life, I live mine." She said, her voice colder than millennia snow.
Varian, however, sighed. "You can stop putting on that mask. I know it's very tiring."
Sia's voice rose with anger, her chest heaved up and down. "What do you mean?"
"…Enigma was there to protect me on my entrance test, she also started attacking Xander's vassals because you thought I was dead.
Don't even try to refute me. The attacks stopped immediately after I returned to academy.
And then, Enigma, killed the Abyss Princes right after we were attacked by the Demon King.
It's all your…condition, isn't it? And why go to such lengths?
It's because you care.
Don't lie to yourself anymore, Sia." Varian's eyes were filled with pity as he softly said to the girl clad in a black dress.
"I-I am not lying to myself. You're just d-delusional!" Sia countered. Her shoulders were trembling slightly.
Varian felt his heart hurt even more at the sight and continued. "Our home is rebuilt.
Every place, every room, every time has your memories…please come back."
Sia's shoulders trembled as she uttered. "I…don't care."
"Then why are you crying?" Varian walked up to her and asked.
"Because it hurts! Fool!" Sia turned around and cursed. Her face was filled with tears and her lips were bleeding from her biting them too hard.
"…I will make up for you. So, Sia…" Varian raised his hand to wipe her tears…but only until he touched empty air did he realized she was now only a virtual avatar.
"You..You idiot! I hate you! I hate you!" Sia punched him, but her virtual avatar passed through him.
But she kept at him. She punched, scratched, kicked him…before finally stopping.
Varian let her do as she wished. With each punch, the tears rolling down her cheeks only increased.
Looking at her tear stricken face, Varian felt like his heart was twisted. Sia never cried this much.
Finally, Sia looked at him, her golden eyes gleaming with nostalgia and sadness. "How much do you remember?"
Her voice was filled with grief.
"Huh?" Varian was taken aback.
"I—" Even though he too was a victim, he felt guilty of forgetting about her.
He couldn't imagine how he would face the world if everyone he knew forget about him…if the traces of his very existence were erased.
'You had to deal with everything by yourself. But, from today, you won't be alone.' He vowed to himself.
"I remembered till I am sixteen years." Varian said and explained his memory recovery.
Usually, he would get the flashback of a single event and then, overtime, his memory till that flashback would go back to the original.
For instance, previously, in his memory, it was always Amanda who cooked for him.
But after the recent flashback, every memory until then was slowly changed and now he could see it was actually Sia, not Amanda.
There were also memories of going to highschool. He was always alone in them. But now, he was with Sia.
In a sense, his memory adjusted itself to a reality where Sia didn't exist. But now, everything as slowly turning real.
"N-No!" Sia's face paled. She hurriedly took a step back. Her voice and body shivered as she said. "You're asking me to come back since you have only 16 years of memories…no wonder…"
Varian frowned with worry and said. "What if I recover all my memories? It will still be the same."
Sia shook her head violently. Her face paling each second, the glow she had previously was nowhere to be seen. "Y-You don't know."
"I…I've read the letters already. I know everything." Varian said, grinding his teeth. "I don't care what happened. Come back. Everything will be the same."
"No. Once you get back that memory, nothing will be the same." Sia's voice was filled with resignation and deep sadness.
"Trust me!" Varian retorted. He just wanted her back. Why was this so difficult?
Sia silently wiped her tears that were falling and looked at him stubbornly. "If someone told you that a girl named Sia grew up with you and gave you a bunch of photos, would you…still have the exact feelings you have for me now?"
Varian wanted to retort. He wanted to yell it didn't matter. But…
"No." He said weakly.
She was right. The emotions he felt for her now, the intensity could never be possible without actual experience.
"I'm scared." Sia said, covering her face.
"You gave up on yourself for 1 year! 1 whole year! That is what your grief did to you. Once you have that memory back…your feelings would change." Biting her lip so hard that it started to bleed, Sia clenched her fists and yelled.
Varian flinched at her remarks.
Would I change?
Can I feel the same…
Varian waved his hand and growled. "I'll deal with it when it comes. But now, come back."
"No! That day will come. I will only hurt you and myself." Sia shook her head.
Her shoulders sagged and she covered her mouth. "I…I don't deserve anything you're feeling for me. Sarah is a good girl…keep her happy."
"Are you crazy?" Varian was furious. "I get to decide what I feel you and if you deserve it or not.
I gave up after her death. Yes, I did. It was pathetic.
But are you not doing the same? You just want to run away from me, don't you?"
Sia took deep breaths. Finally, her tear stricken face cracked a beautiful smile. "You're right…I am indeed running away.
I'm a hybrid. I only bring sorrow and destruction. So I'll run away from you…so that you can be safe and happy."
The video call started to end and her virtual avatar started to disintegrate.
Varian yelled out loud. "Even if you run to the ends of solar system, I'll find you!"