Chapter 94: The Hawthorn Candy Calamity
Lu Qingyang was squatting on the bluestone slabs of the Miao Frontier black market, gnawing on his fifth skewer of hawthorn candy, when the silver bells at his waist suddenly jingled wildly.
He spat out a hawthorn pit, hitting a Gu Master wearing a bamboo hat: "Brother, your centipede is poking my bell!"
Before he finished speaking, hundreds of red-banded snakes slithered out from under the Gu Master's black robe, each snake's head topped with a Soul-Reaping Talisman from the Netherworld Hall.
"Daoist Lu truly has a dog's nose," the snake swarm transformed into a human figure, revealing itself to be a substitute for the Netherworld Palace Lord, holding a green-flamed skull in his palm.
"The Palace Lord wants me to ask..." Before he could finish, Lu Qingyang flung a hawthorn candy skewer that pinned him to the wall. "Ask what? If your ancestral grave's feng shui needs a change?"
A Luo suddenly tugged his sleeve: "Watch your step!"
Sticky blood surged from the cracks in the bluestone, instantly solidifying into twelve blood corpses.
Lu Qingyang stepped onto his Qingming Sword and soared into the air, but his waistband was grabbed by a bloody hand: "Don't pull! This Shu brocade is worth fifty Spirit Stones!"
He flung out a handful of gold foil talismans, and the blood corpses actually started scrambling to stick them onto themselves.
The dome of the black market suddenly split open, and a Mermaid's silver-scaled pleasure boat broke through the clouds.
The zither stand at the bow of the boat transformed into sharp teeth, biting towards Lu Qingyang, but he used his bronze mirror to reveal mold spots on the zither strings: "Tsk tsk, a three-hundred-year-old maiden still playing 'Phoenix Seeking Its Mate'?"
Where the mirror's light swept, the blue scales peeling off the pleasure boat's railing suddenly turned into lively silver fish, pitter-pattering down onto the Netherworld Palace Lord's substitute.
"Give me back my sister's life!" The Mermaid flung the silver bells on her wrist, and their ringing condensed into a rain of ice cones.
Lu Qingyang pulled the Netherworld Palace Lord's substitute in front of him as a shield, casually snatching the Soul-Reaping Talisman from his embrace: "Thanks for the gift!"
As the talisman burned to ashes in his palm, all the coffin shops on the street exploded simultaneously, and three hundred zombies hopped out, forming a copper coin array.
A Luo suddenly bit her finger and drew a spell on her silver bells; the crisp ringing vibrated, making the zombies collectively leap into a Nuo dance.
Lu Qingyang took the opportunity to kick over a roadside tavern; amber-colored wine spilled onto the Qingming Sword, igniting a ghostly blue flame: "Everyone move aside! I'm going to perform 'Burning the Rattan Armor Soldiers'!"
Where the sword light swept, the zombies' patched shorts simultaneously caught fire, and they hopped into the river.
"Little thief, don't run!" The Mermaid's fish tail smashed half a street, and her scales transformed into chains, wrapping around Lu Qingyang's ankle.
He pulled out the skull he had pilfered from the Netherworld Hall: "A token of our love for you!"
The green flame suddenly surged, engulfing the chains, and within the fire, a scene of the Witch Saintess gouging out her heart to suppress the sea eye appeared.
As the Mermaid stood stunned, A Luo suddenly tossed out a skewer of hawthorn candy; its sweet-sour aroma actually made her ear fins flush red.
A muffled rumble came from underground, and the altar in the center of the black market suddenly collapsed.
Lu Qingyang dragged A Luo into the crevice, not forgetting to throw a stinky fart talisman at his pursuers: "Have a hot meal, everyone!"
During their descent, he pulled out a bronze talisman and pressed it to his brow; the notch on the talisman perfectly matched the runes on the rock wall.
"Is this some kind of Witch Tribe outhouse?" Lu Qingyang kicked away a bluestone engraved with ancient Restrictions; hot spring water surged from beneath it, instantly filling the underground palace.
A Luo's silver bells at her neck suddenly floated, guiding them through layers of illusion arrays.
Countless Jade Slips floated in the hot spring, each recording a romantic debt Lu Qingyang owed from his previous life.
The Netherworld Palace Lord's voice came from the water: "I found you!" Ten thousand vengeful spirits condensed into a giant hand and slapped down.
Lu Qingyang pulled out a handful of fire-repelling talismans and scattered them onto the water: "Freshly made, nine percent off!"
The talismans turned into fire turtles upon touching the water, gnawing at the vengeful spirits, who screamed repeatedly.
He took the opportunity to scoop up a Jade Slip, which actually depicted him drawing eyebrows for the Witch Saintess.
The dome of the underground palace shattered with a roar, and the Red Serpent Gate's flying boat, wreathed in thunder and fire, crashed in.
The bandit leader had just raised his saber when the bronze mirror revealed a patch under his armpit: "Grandpa Lu is here..." Before he could finish, A Luo hit his mute acupoint with a hawthorn candy pit.
Lu Qingyang leaped onto the flying boat's mast, and the Qingming Sword sliced open the cargo hold; amidst a rain of Spirit Stones, a Mermaid silk bellyband was mixed in.
"This fabric can cover three months' rent!" He had just reached out to grab it when the bellyband suddenly transformed into a silver net and covered him.
The Mermaid appeared from the pile of Spirit Stones, her ear fins still covered in sugar residue: "Back then, you used hawthorn candy to trick my sister..." Before she could finish, Lu Qingyang suddenly pulled out a mooncake: "This is a special offering from Guanghan Palace!"
The mooncake shattered into stardust in his palm, and the Witch Tribe totems on the four walls of the underground palace simultaneously lit up.
The bronze talisman flew out from his embrace, colliding with A Luo's silver bells, creating a clear, resonant sound.
The true body of the Netherworld Palace Lord arrived through the void, but the Ten Thousand Soul Banner in his hand suddenly turned and wrapped around the Red Serpent Gate's flying boat.
"Fellow Daoists, place your bets and let go!" Lu Qingyang stepped onto his Qingming Sword and darted to the top of the altar, pressing the bronze talisman into the groove.
The entire underground palace began to rotate; the hot spring turned into scorching lava, and the Spirit Stone rain transformed into falling powdered sugar.
He pulled the terrified bandit leader over as a stepping stone, leaping towards the suddenly appearing teleportation array.
A Luo suddenly pointed at the bronze cauldron in the lava and shrieked: "Hawthorn candy!"
The skewers of hawthorn floating inside the cauldron exploded, and the sweet-sour mist actually made the pursuers begin to confess their innermost feelings to each other.
Lu Qingyang took the opportunity to snatch the night-luminescent pearls embedded in the cauldron's handles, not forgetting to blow a kiss to the Mermaid: "A love token on credit!"
The moment the white light of the teleportation swallowed the two, the Netherworld Palace Lord's Lifebound Treasure slammed into the array's core.
Lu Qingyang flung seventy-two copper coins in the spatial turbulence; the coins landed, forming a hexagram to protect A Luo.
His clothes were torn open, and the black lotus mark on his chest actually sprouted blood-colored stamens.
When he opened his eyes again, they were on an overseas immortal island, with a unconscious Mermaid lying on the beach.
Lu Qingyang poked her tail with the Qingming Sword: "Stop playing dead, your scales' reflection is hurting my eyes."
The Mermaid suddenly flipped over and bit his wrist; her tongue tasted blood, but she froze—this Qi was from the same source as the Saintess who suppressed the sea eye three hundred years ago.
A Luo was squatting behind a reef, counting Spirit Stones, when she suddenly noticed that the tidal patterns aligned with the bronze talisman's Texture.
She bit her finger and drew an array on the sand; the ocean waves actually condensed into a staircase leading directly to the seabed.
Lu Qingyang ran, throwing stinky tofu at the pursuing Red Serpent Gate: "Grand opening sale at the Haidilao!"
At the end of the staircase was a crystal palace, with a stone tablet at the entrance carved with "Faithless men and dogs are not allowed inside."
Lu Qingyang kicked the tablet and laughed: "What a coincidence, I'm a cat!"
The inscription suddenly came alive and wrapped around his ankle, and the silver bells on A Luo's neck automatically played "Phoenix Seeking Its Mate."
The moment the palace gates opened, the silhouette of the Witch Saintess brewing tea appeared amidst a myriad of colorful light.