Chapter 41 Confession Su Beixun looked at Conan's heavy face, did not answer, and asked another question with a smile: "Kudo, you should have investigated me, right? After reading my file, what do you think?"Conan didn't think about why he knew that. He just followed his heart and said without hesitation: "I think... you are a very twisted person, heartless, cold, and lacking empathy, just like an antisocial personality!" “It’s twisted…” Su Beixun repeated in a low voice. He stood up, took out two bottles of juice from the refrigerator, and placed one of them in front of Conan: "Forget it, we still have some time, so let's talk... I guess you are also curious about my past." He leaned back against the back of the chair, his left leg resting on his right leg, his hands clenched on his knees, his eyes empty as he recalled the past. "It should be ten years ago. I was abandoned in Hokkaido. It was icy and snowy, and it was difficult to walk... Of course, none of this is important. What is important is that this year, I killed an adult who had ill intentions towards me for the first time, and thus gained the right to live..." “…No, that can’t be said.” He was silent for a moment, then confessed, "I must have lured him to attack me, so that he could accept the fact that I killed him with a clear conscience... After all, it was the first time, so I subconsciously tried to make excuses for myself... Haha, now that I think about it, I was pretty naive." Conan was silent. He listened quietly, and it was hard to tell what his mood was at the moment. Ten years ago, Su Beixun was probably only six years old... Conan knew that he was an orphan, so just by listening to what he said, he could imagine the poor living environment he lived in at the time... No matter what, he would never agree with killing people... But should he condemn him with righteous words? Condemn a child's efforts to survive? He grew up in a happy family, and so did everyone he knew... There were some things that were hard to empathize with, even if one tried to put oneself in their shoes.
"What's wrong? Are you pitying me?" Su Beixun understood his silence, laughed and waved his hand: "That's not necessary!" "If you think that the one who takes someone's life must be a devil, then I am born to be the devil king of hell!" He stared at Conan, and suddenly there was an indescribable temperament about him, like a god looking down at the sacrifice, not feeling that he was the same as others. "I stabbed his throat with a knife and pressed on him. I watched his eyes turn from painful panic to dull and lifeless. Even when I swallowed, his blood that splashed into my mouth was mixed with my saliva..." "I thought I would be sick, I thought I would feel guilty... but the truth is, I feel nothing at all!" "Plundering the lives of my own kind did not give me any strong emotions, no pain, no happiness... It was like swallowing a piece of dry bread in the morning, tasteless." Conan was shocked by this statement. “You…you! What the hell are you talking about!!” He looked at Su Beixun and roared uncontrollably: "What do you think of life as?!" madman! Simply crazy! He actually thought that this kind of person had no choice but to do so? ! Su Beixun didn't care about his condemnation and was still immersed in his own thoughts: "What is life... I was also very confused for a while." “Everyone says that life is precious, priceless, immeasurable, and a gift from God…” "But... what I saw was killing everywhere, and countless cases... People hurt each other over trivial matters, a quarrel, a breakup, or for money, for a position..." "They are plundering the most precious life in their mouths for cheap reasons." "I think you should feel this more deeply than I do, Kudo! Have you ever carefully calculated how many murders you handle in a year? And this, this is just the tip of the iceberg you can touch!" Conan looked at him in disbelief: "Are you telling me that you kill people to prove that life is precious?! Are you kidding?!" "Why not?" Su Beixun grinned, recalling his own changing mindset when he was young: "During that period, I continued to take on commissioned work without restraint for the sake of money... After all, I was tired of being poor, so I was always unsatisfied." "I always deal with other people's murder scenes, or stab someone myself... But one day, I suddenly felt that everything was so boring... All the bodies I dealt with were the same, and even the reasons for the murders were boring."
"This world is like an assembly line. All humans produced are homogenized commodities, just like soulless machines. They will kill others at a set time just to give those detectives a chance to show off their skills." "It's so boring. You can see the end at a glance. Kill - solve the case - get caught, kill - solve the case - get caught..." “…So I thought, could I be different?” He smiled happily. "I started to deliberately leave evidence pointing to me and spread my name. I went in and out of the police station countless times and came back safe and sound... This feeling is really different!" Su Beixun's eyes were blank, and he suddenly understood why it was written on [World Goal] that it was "generated by the host's own thoughts, not designated". Perhaps it had detected at that time that it would definitely have such a mentality... In fact, when he first accepted the commission, he avoided all possibilities of exposure. The progress of the world's goals was slow, and he didn't understand why at the time. But when he began to deliberately reveal his existence to the police, his world goals advanced by leaps and bounds, which made him realize the right path. After a brief pause, Su Beixun continued, "But everything has a threshold. Slowly, when I knew every arrangement of the police station, called every name, and even their interpersonal relationships, the fun disappeared." "I can no longer get sensory stimulation from this thing. I got it and then lost it. The feeling of loss is almost driving me crazy." "During that time, I was irritable, empty, and even self-destructive! My sanity was shaky, and I always wanted to make a scene and then die." "Fortunately, just when I was about to lose control, one day..." "I suddenly met a unique soul in the school where I went to elementary school!" "From kindness to indifference, from endurance to awakening, igniting life with anger, and witnessing courage with blood!" "That was the first time I witnessed the greatness of life! Resolute and passionate! It was completely different from those petty and despicable people who kill people but don't want to bear the consequences!" "Witnessing the whole thing, I felt like I had stumbled upon an oasis in the desert. He made me realize that even bread can be served with jam, butter, or even bacon!" Su Beixun said this with a fanatical look on his face, as if he had awakened, but also as if he had fallen: "Since then, I finally understood the preciousness of life! I also understood the desire in my heart!" "There are too many people dying meaninglessly every day all over the world. Instead of letting them die for mediocre and boring reasons, becoming dry and unpalatable, it is better for me to process them and let them die brilliantly and luxuriously!" Conan was filled with rage, the anger in his heart seemed to dry up his blood. He suppressed the desire to refute or even take action, and tightly grasped the recorder in his hand. He would never allow such a person to wantonly play with other people's lives and trample on other people's lives at will! Even if he exposed his true identity, he would never allow it!! The protagonist is a villain, everyone must keep their eyes open and don’t learn from him!
(End of this chapter)