Chapter 326: Chapter 326 I Don’t Want to Love All Beings Anymore
Jiang Nanshu knew the outcome but still tried to crack a smile, yet in the end, she bent her head down and her lips trembled lightly. She wanted to say something, but her throat was choked up.
“Okay,” she quietly replied, “Okay… I understand.”
Jiang Nanshu stood up, her slightly curly black hair cascading down her back. Step by step, she walked out.
This had been her redemption since she met Zhou Yanxu.
She had pursued him for a very long time, and after his death, it turned into an obsession.
In the moment of her car accident, her last thought was to apologize to Zhou Yanxu.
She didn’t bring his ashes back to his hometown.
This life was saved by Zhou Yanxu; her growth involved him in every step. There were no women by his side, he had always used his heart disease as an excuse to refuse the arranged marriages proposed by his family.
The year Jiang Nanshu turned fifteen.
She confessed her feelings to Zhou Yanxu.
Told him to wait for her to grow up; once she was of age, she would marry him.
Back then, his expression had been shocked and complex, eventually dissolving into a smile with the words, “Childish talk. When you grow up, I’ll be old.”
“I don’t care, age won’t be the reason that stops me.”
She had been so certain when she said it back then, her eyes sparkling with determination that Zhou Yanxu wouldn’t see her as a child once she was an adult.
A week after this event.
He died.
Age wouldn’t be an obstacle, but death was.
She placed her hand on the wooden door frame, the cold rain entwined with the wind tossing her hair about, the sandalwood scent at the tip of her nose fading more and more. Jiang Nanshu turned to look back at him one last time, Zhou Yanxu’s complexion very pale, the veins on the back of his hand, resting on the Buddha Beads, prominent.
The corners of Jiang Nanshu’s mouth curled up in a mocking smile, “Do not cling, do not be attached.”
“Zhou Yanxu,” she turned back around, bowing slightly toward him, enunciating each word, “Nanshu has learned her lesson.”
When she looked up again, her eyes, which had been slightly red, returned to a state of indifference.
She ran out quickly.
Zhou Yanxu saw the tears sliding down her chin, quickly wiped away by her.
He remained seated in his place, unmoved.
He lowered his gaze to the brown Buddha Beads he was holding, which the next moment, crumbled and scattered all over the ground.
Zhou Yanxu’s face turned even paler.
He took three joss sticks, intending to light them in front of the Buddha statue.
But they barely ignited before the white smoke vanished; no matter how he tried, he couldn’t light them.
The incense was a bit damp.
Zhou Yanxu inserted the extinguished incense sticks into the censer.
He smiled at the Buddha statue and murmured to himself, “I no longer wish to love all beings.”
The consciousness of a deity is not concrete; it was Little Jiang Nanshu’s urgent desire to live that had summoned him. In the ice and snow, he touched her head, and from that moment, he became her guardian spirit, protecting her until she came of age.
He came because of her, and now he had to leave because of her.
Zhou Yanxu thought that even if it was a lie, it didn’t matter.
He was not going to live to see Jiang Nanshu grown up.
So he was doomed not to wait for her to grow up and could not marry her.
The time he now had was bought with his life; maybe it would be just three years, maybe five. He would disappear without a trace, and the young girl was still so young, how could she accept the many years ahead without him?
Outside, the gloomy rain persisted, and he wondered if the young girl would seek shelter properly.
As the thought crossed his mind, he too stepped out the door.
…
Jiang Nanshu found the umbrella that Zhou Yanxu had used the day before.
Her clothes, after being washed, were still not dry. She carelessly found a bag and stuffed them all in.
She was already sick, and the added illness from getting drenched in the rain was enough to keep her from descending the mountain on foot.
Jiang Nanshu’s intuition told her that Zhou Yanxu must have remembered, otherwise why would he appear so precisely in front of her, stopping her from committing a crime? But that no longer mattered.
She would heed his words.
From now on, she would regard him as her benefactor, and she would not harbor any other feelings toward him.
She had just reached the entrance of the temple.
A figure was coming up the stairs of Yulin Temple, holding an umbrella.
He was dressed in a black suit, which should have been smooth but was now wrinkled. His meticulously styled hair hung at his eyebrows.
Jiang Nanshu stopped in her tracks, instinctively taking a small step back.
Why was Lu Qingyan here!
But still, she stood at the entrance, motionless. Not answering his calls and ignoring his messages had left her feeling somewhat guilty.
Clutching her pocket tightly with her pale fingers, she met his deep, dark eyes. Seeing him also stand still, Jiang Nanshu decided to just stay put and lowered her gaze to her toes.
But only three seconds passed.
The cold scent of cedars filled her nose.
A warm, large hand rested on her forehead, and Lu Qingyan’s cool voice asked, “You’re a bit warm. Do you have a fever?”
Jiang Nanshu pursed her lips and said nothing.
Lu Qingyan saw her frowning little face and couldn’t help but laugh: “I flew from Beijing to Port City without closing my eyes, searching for you all night long. Hearing about the nearby landslide, I stayed with the search and rescue team for three hours, shaking with fear that one of them might be you. Thank goodness none were. Then I went on asking around, to your crew, to the actors, to Director Wen, and even found Jiang Leyi. Finally, after asking Zhou Zhenghui, I learned that you were here in this temple.”
He caressed her tender, reddened cheeks with his hand: “I was afraid you’d be cold and hungry, or that you might get wet and fall ill, or encounter danger. And now you’re angry with me as well? Nannan, what am I to do with you?”
Jiang Nanshu thought that he would lecture her furiously.
Because the last time she hadn’t answered his calls or responded to his messages, he had been furious the whole night.
This was the second time, and it was even more serious.
Jiang Nanshu knew he had sent a bunch of messages, but in her irritation, she didn’t want to reply or even see them.
But she hadn’t expected that Lu Qingyan would keep looking for her until now.
“Am I that important to you?” Jiang Nanshu asked as she looked at him, her voice very soft.
Lu Qingyan didn’t really know either, but when he couldn’t see Jiang Nanshu, he missed her. When he couldn’t contact her, he was willing to leave multimillion-dollar contracts unsigned just to come to Port City to ensure she was safe. When he saw her, he was both angry and anxious.
Angry that she could have simply borrowed a charger to power up her phone and respond to him, and anxious that she might have been caught up in some trouble or trapped somewhere.
Seeing her safe and sound, he wanted to keep a stern face and leave her to cool off, but seeing her disheveled and unsteady, his anger turned to pity, and he couldn’t bring himself to utter a harsh word.
The relationship between him and Jiang Nanshu was becoming unfair.
Who was the prey, and who was the hunter.
This question was no longer important.
What mattered was that he liked her and could tolerate everything about her, including the occasional coldness she showed and the lack of security she rarely offered.
Nothing was more important than her being alive.
Lu Qingyan pulled her into his arms with one hand: “You are important.”
“I’ll take you to the hospital at the foot of the mountain to check on you. Your face is all red from the fever.” He released her and instead took her hand, tilting the umbrella toward her.
“Mm-hmm,” she complied and followed Lu Qingyan’s pace.
After walking a little distance, Lu Qingyan glanced back at the temple’s half-closed door.
His dark eyes involuntarily narrowed.
Jiang Nanshu instinctively looked back, but the gateway was empty – nothing was there.