Chapter 561. Absurd Channel
「 It’s true, if we continue like this, we’ll end up half-baked 」
Barbie-san tells Kyouko-san
「 But that doesn’t mean that you should leave Japan and train in Los Angeles, right? Are you Eisaku? 」
「 Huh? 」
「 You need to know that! 」
Kyouko-san’s parables are sometimes incomprehensible.
「 I don’t mind. I like this kind of somewhat no-good girls 」
Miss Cordelia said.
「 Oh my, Cordelia-chan, you like her? 」
Kyouko-san smiles.
「 Ruby-chan seems to be more substantial than Barbie-chan 」
「 As expected of Cordelia, I have the same thoughts 」
The two look at Ruby-san and smiled.
「 W-W-What?! What are you talking about? 」
Ruby-san’s spine shivered, so she asks.
「 If you want to become my disciple then you’ll start from a “licking dog” but are you okay with that? 」
Miss Cordelia said.
Kyouko-san and Miss Cordelia are both lesbians.
In short, what they mean is.
「 You don’t mind it, do you? These girls have the same preference as us 」
Kyouko-san looks at Barbie-san and Ruby-san and said.
「 Aaaaah, I’m different though! 」
Banba-san shouts in panic.
「 You’re exceedingly normal! 」
Kyouko-san
「 How should I say it, I knew it from the start that’s why I didn’t count you 」
Huh?
「 I mean, you should stay in Japan 」
Miss Cordelia said.
「 No, uhm, I’m also a member of Banbarubie3! 」
Banba-san speaks strongly.
「 If Barbie-san and Ruby-san are going then I’ll follow! Even if it’s at the end of hell! 」
Kyouko-san stares at Banba-san.
「 Sure, I’m inferior to Barbie-san when it comes to skills and experience, But I’ll do my best! I’ll do all my best to stay together with them! 」
Banba-san says with teary eyes.
「 Banba-chan 」
「 You really are 」
Barbie-san and Ruby-san are impressed.
「 Unfortunately it’s impossible for you 」
Kyouko-san replied.
「 T-That’s! 」
「 This thing can’t just be pushed through with hard work. I mean, when it comes to just talent, you’re much better than these two who are older. These people always let you take the fights as vanguard after all 」
Barbie-san always lets Banba-san take the direct confrontations.
They only join in the fight whenever they feel that the other party is really dangerous.
「 But, the world isn’t just about pure talents and skills. There’s also different suitability personality wise 」
Kyouko-san said.
「 If it’s these two, we can toss them to genuinely dangerous jobs in genuinely dangerous places. Plans where a single mistake could cost your life 」
Miss Cordelia looks at Barbie-san and the two.
「 And then, if you come back home alive, you won’t think of anything in particular. “Oh what, that’s disappointing,” Kyouko will laugh at it, and that’s all. Then, she won’t recall that again 」
「 Cordelia’s right. We expect that from these girls 」
Kyouko-san laughs.
「 T-That’s just cruel! 」
Banba-san begins to cry.
「 There’s no helping it. That’s what it means to live in the underground society. If you don’t want to die then don’t accept jobs that you feel is dangerous. That’s what we always do 」
「 Me too, no matter how much indebted I am to those who ask for a job. if there’s a risk, I refuse it 」
Kyouko-san said. Miss Cordelia adds.
「 The two of them are the same. If you’re not that dry, then someone would end up using you as disposable in the underground society 」
Barbie-san and Ruby-san look at each other silently.
「 But, what about you, Banba-chan was it? In your case, your foundation is honest and kind so you’d accept a job from the person you feel indebted to no matter how much risk it has 」
「 You’ll die right away if you do. Getting screwed over because someone told you 」
「 You can’t survive in Los Angeles with that 」
Kyouko-san and Miss Cordelia said. Banba-san looks down.
「 I’m not telling you that you’re useless. I don’t want you to misunderstand. How should I say it, you’re the type similar to Rei-chan 」
Huh?
「 You know her, right? Kouzuki Security Service’s Fujimiya-san, the girl you were fighting earlier 」
「 I know 」
Banba-san replies in a light voice.
「 That girl is strong, isn’t she? She has the fighting skills. But, her power isn’t going through everything alone. She’s mentally weak. That’s why she needs back-up from the company like this time 」
That means having Rei-chan as the captain.
「 But on the other hand, if you make it clear that she has a role. She’ll work incredibly well. She’ll lose the hesitation, and she’ll only think about beating up the enemy in front of her. In a sense, she’s pure. Just like Banba-chan 」
「 I’m not like her 」
Banba-san said.
「 I can’t fight as beautiful as Fujimiya-san. I’m a member of the crude group, Banbarubie after al 」
「 I wonder? I don’t think so 」
Kyouko-san looks at Barbie-san.
「 Don’t you think? 」
Barbie-san:
「 Banba-chan. This is farewell 」
「 Barbie-san? 」
Banba-san’s surprised.
「 Even if they refuse us, I’ll follow these nasty ladies. I don’t want to keep on losing like this 」
「 Then, me too! 」
Barbie-san shakes her head, having a painful expression.
「 Sorry, Banba-chan, we cant’ take you with us 」
「 That’s! 」
「 I understand now. These aunties told me 」
Barbie-san said.
「 I always show an arrogant attitude, we keep having you fight under the pretext of training you Banba-chan 」
「 No, but, thanks to that I really became strong 」
Banba-san speaks desperately but.
「 That’s not it, we were taking it easy while having you in front. It’s frustrating, but, they’re right 」
Barbie-san clenches her fist.
「 Therefore, I became weak. We’re becoming dull as we always leave things to Banba-chan! 」
「 Right. Having this Auntie kick me earlier made me understand. I wasn’t able to fight their level for a while so I can tell that I became weak 」
Ruby-san said.
「 Girls. Next time you say “Auntie” again, I’ll seriously try to kill you 」
Kyouko-san said.
「 Anyway, I want to train myself. Therefore, I have no choice but to part with Banba-chan for now 」
「 I will follow Barbie-neesan. We will train together, so our time with you is over 」
The two said. Banba-san:
「 No! Please don’t say it like that! 」
She shed large drops of tears.
Then.
「 Leave Banba-chan to me! 」
Old man Dai Grepher says something absurd.
「 Yes! Uncle will do his best for Banba-chan! From now on, our unit name will become “BanbaDai” Or “Double Babadai” might be better! 」
Err.
「 Barbie-neesan, you don’t need to worry about Banba-chan! Next year she’ll give birth to a cute girl! The love child of “Double Babadai” will be called Marble Thunder! 」
Old man Dai Grepher smiles.
「 Kyouko Magnum! 」
Kyouko-san’s punch blasts Dai Grepher.
「 Dohiiiiiiiiii!! Why are you hitting me?! 」
「 As expected, you can still stand up from that 」
Kyouok-san steps on him.
「 Kyouko Phantom! 」
DOGAAAAAAAAN!!!
Old man Dai Grepher’s body is blown off to the corridor outside the room.
「 Mugyuu 」
Old man Dai Grepher faints.
「 Dai Grepher’s skill of bending the Qi and attacking the opponent from behind can’t deal with Kyouko’s speed and power 」
Chief Yazawa said.
「 Yazawa-san. Could you take care of Banba-chan? 」
Barbie-san bows her head to chief Yazawa.
「 Wait, what? 」
「 I think it’s best to leave Banba-chan to Yazawa due to her personality 」
「 I’m also asking you 」
Ruby-san bows her head too.
「 Wait a second! Barbie-san! Ruby-san! 」
Banba-san said, but;
「 This is an order from the leader of Banbarubie3. Banba-chan, stay in Japan and practice under Yazawa-san 」
「 Your Onee-san will practice with the aunties 」
「 Yeah, we’ll make sure to hound this stinky old lady! 」
The two smiles.
「 But 」
Banba-san is confused.
「 And, if someday our practice comes to fruit. We can rebuild as Banbarubie once again 」
「 Yeah, I promise you! Banba-chan 」
Barbie-san and Ruby-san smiles at Banba-san.
「 To be honest, Nee-san and I have been changing our members so many times. We keep on using and throwing the young one after another 」
「 But, you stayed with us for long. Banba-chan. Our time with you was fun. 」
「 Yeah, thank you. Thank you for everything so far, Banba-chan 」
「 Yeah, thank you. Banba-chan 」
Banba-san:
「 I understand. But, Banbarubie’s not breaking up. I will just transfer to Yazawa-san and train! My heart will stay with Banbarubie3 always 」
「 Banba-chan 」
「 You really are… 」
The three hug each other.
Then.
「 Sorry to break the mood but 」
Kyouko-san said.
「 I didn’t promise to bring you, girls, though? 」
Barbie-san.
「 Yes. We’ll follow you without your permission. Even if you chase us out, we’ll stay with you no matter what! 」
「 Yes, Nee-san and I will train with all we have! 」
Kyouko-san.
「 I see, then that’s okay 」
She smiles.
「 But still, you two called me “Auntie” again, didn’t you? 」
Ah.
「 Kyouko Rolling Crash!! 」
「 Gueeee!! 」
「 Guhiiii!! 」
「 Barbie-saaaaaaan! Ruby-saaaaan! Hyaaaaaaa! 」
That’s a lot of trouble.
◇ ◇ ◇
Barbie-san, Ruby-san, and old man Dai Grepher were taken to the aid room.
Barbie-san follows.
The people left in the room are Yazawa-san, Shou-neechan, Kyouko-san, Miss Cordelia, and me.
「 Oh, It seems that the transfer’s over 」
Miss Cordelia looks at the monitor.
The camera shows an indoor studio inside Green mountain studio.
Yukino’s still wearing her see-through minimum-sized swimsuit.
Oh, everyone from the media’s coming along.
Due to the explosions and flames, their cars are destroyed.
They look weary.
Usually,, one would think that they can’t return to the interview, but.
There’s no more aggressive energy coming from the press.
『 We will resume to the second part of the press conference 』
A caption appears on the screen.
But.
The indoor studio Yukino and the press were brought in is…
Isn’t this?
A variety show setting.
「 Kyouko, what are you planning? 」
Chief Yazawa asks.
「 No you see, the impact from earlier is still lacking 」
Miss Cordelia opens a laptop she brings while Kyouko-san says that.
「 Impact? 」
「 That’s right, that’s still lacking to shock the people in Japan. 」
Kyouko-san operates the laptop at a breakneck speed.
『 Err, we’ll begin the second part of the press conference 』
The announcer said.
Then.
『 Wait wait! What do you mean by that? 』
『 We never heard anything about this! 』
Huh?
The camera didn’t show the whole studio until now so you can’t tell, but.
Okada’s sitting on a chair of the variety show.
Yukino’s on the guest seat.
There’s a nameplate with “Shirasaka Yukino” written on it.
The media reporters are on the audience seat for some reason.
And.
There are nearly 20 comedy stars in line on the tiered platform.
『 I mean, isn’t this time our program? 』
『 That’s right. They said it’s a live broadcast, so I came here after a long while 』
『 Get yourself fired up more than usual! 』
『 Pugeracho! 』
Their tension’s high.
『 What the fuck s Pugeracho!?! 』
『 I mean, we were watching from the studio until now, but all I can tell is 10k yen! 』
『 Oops, oops, it’s summer! 』
『 What? Are you so surprised at the last minute?! I thought this was a comedy ultra quiz. 』
『 What part of that was a special news program?! 』
『 I mean, are you also going to crush our program? 』
『 We’re flooded with protests mails at this station right now. It’s still in flames! 』
『 Hey! Stop the flaming! 』
『 It’s firing up!!! 』
『 How about this material? 』
『 Yes, pwease! 』
『 Puragecho 』
『 I told you to stop that. You look disgusting 』
Then.
『 Err, it’s about time for the interview to begin 』
Okada announces to the confused comedy stars.
He’s specialized in news and political program.
Therefore, he can’t take control of the comedy stars right now.
I mean, Okada himself is powered down due to his wig falling off.
The comedians cant’ be stopped.
『 I mean! Didn’t we tell you to stop the interview?! 』
『 This time is a sacred comedy time we embedded on our bodies! 』
『 That’s right, don’t steal our time to burn lives! 』
『 No, you’re exaggerating 』
『 Nothing we can do! 』
『 Yes pwease! 』
『 Stop this joke already! 』
『 Stop! Crane! Boltzer! What are you doing?! 』
What’s with this play?
Then, Yukino.
『 You really are all boring. 』
She says.
『 It’s not that amusing, but you still try to do comedy. I can tell now the reason why TV isn’t as exciting anymore 』
Then, one of the comedy stars.
『 What did you say bitch?! 』
『 You’re not allowed to say that we’re boring! 』
『 That’s right! Even if we are, you can’t just say it! 』
『 Geracho! 』
Yukino.
『 Haa, that’s not funny nor interesting at all! 』
Then, one of the stars in front row snaps.
『 What the hell bitch!? I know about you! You’re Shirasaka Sousuke’s daughter aren’t you?! 』
At that moment, the performers around became silent.
『 So what? 』
Yukino speaks coldly.
『 The whole world knows what kind of evil things your father has done! 』
『 T-That’s right! D-Do you get it?! 』
A bald performer gets in too.
But, Yukino.
『 Huh? What about it? Is that related to me? 』
『 Related? Isn’t he your father? 』
『 So what? If Papa did something wrong, do I have to go to prison too? What kind of underdeveloped world are you living in? 』
『 That’s not what I’m talking about! Don’t you feel a bit apologetic to the world even a bit?! 』
『 Of course not! 』
Yukino said.
『 Leave that for later. I’m the victim here! 』
『 What’s with this bitch! 』
The comedian’s getting more stirred up.
『 In the first place, are you provoking us with that perverted clothes! 』
『 No way. I’m not interested in someone like you 』
『 Don’t fucking say that you’re not interested! 』
The studio’s atmosphere is getting more hostile.
『 Your nipples are see-through, are you an idiot?! 』
Yukino.
『 I didn’t dress like this because I want to! I was threatened to be killed if I didn’t show up on TV wearing this! 』
『 What the hell is that? You’re just an idiot, stupid, imbecile. Did you get your head stuck on something? 』
The entertainers’ flap even more.
『 Did you not see what happened earlier? 』
Yukino said.
『 That was just a play, isn’t it?! There’s no way they’d seriously do explosions, guns, and assault here?! Japan is a law-abiding nation! We’re an advanced country 』
『 The police came here too 』
『 Who cares, either way, that police just have some “Tokyo Costumes” or “Takado Props” on the back of their coat, right?! By the way, we’re from *** Productions 』
Then.
『 Err, please look at the front monitor 』
Okada tells everyone in the studio.
It seems that he heard an instruction on his earphone.
The monitor shows the castle from earlier.
『 Err, this is a warning from Kyouko Messer 』
Nobody’s there anymore.
The police seem to have pulled out too.
『 What?! Just what the hell is going on?! 』
The bald performer says.
Dokaaaaaaaaan!!!!
The castle explodes from the middle!!
Concrete lumps scatter in all directions.
The whole castle is wrapped in flames and black smoke.
『 Uwawawawawawa!! 』
The inner studio where Yukino stays is shaken by the vibration.
『 Weren’t we there just earlier? 』
『 Eh, there was such a powerful bomb in there? 』
『 Shouldn’t we be dead if we were there when it exploded? 』
A voice of fear comes from the reporters.
『 You think of it as a joke, but you see 』
Yukino said.
『 This is the truth since a long time ago 』
Then, she touches her abdomen.
『 All I can do is face that reality upfront 』
Then.
Piropiropiro.
A synthetic chime sounds.
「 Okay! Everyone! How are you?! It’s me Kyouko Messer who’s currently on the run! 」
Kyouko-san talks to the microphone.
Her voice is relayed to the studio after a few seconds.
「 Ah, I’m sending this call over the internet and some complicated satellite stuff, so it’s useless to trace it back! 」
Kyouko-san’s so bright.
「 To the police in Japan. Are you still watching?! Kukuku, hurry up and try to catch me 」
Kyouko-san’s voice:
『 Bitch! Don’t fuck with us! 』
One of the comedy star screams.
「 Ah, just to tell you, I still have a couple of bombs with the same power as that explosion! Do you want to know how many? Ufufu. The answer is The same number as Shirasaka Yukino-chan’s waist! 」
The gazes gather around Yukino.
『 What’s your waistline? 』
The comedy star asks.
『 Why do I have to say that on a national broadcast?! 』
『 Just say it idiot 』
『 I can’t say it! Idiot! 』
Then.
「 It’s 54, isn’t it? 」
Kyouko-san’s voice echoes throughout the country.
『 Is that so? Hey! 』
『 Y-Yeah, well 』
Then.
「 I’m lying LOL! It’s actually 58! 」
Kyouko-san.
『 That can’t be! I’m 56 』
Yukino shouts.
「 Well, the correct answer is 54. Yukino-chan, since we kidnapped you, hardly eat anything decent and yet keep on having sex, seems like you got thinner. It’s the number we measured before, so it’s accurate! 」
Kyouko-san’s bright voice echoes.
「 Although, you were forcibly impregnated so your stomach will grow larger soon! That means that I have to increase the number of the bombs! 」
『 Did you really set up as many as 54 bombs? 』
The bald comedian shouts.
「 Oh what? You don’t trust me unless I make one explode? 」
The studio becomes silent.
『 W-What’s your objective?! 』
The comedian asks. Kyouko-san.
「 Why do I have to answer you? 」
『 Stop the bullshit! You set up bombs on your convenience and try to explode them, you have no reason to complain! 』
「 Didn’t I say that I don’t feel like talking to you? 」
Kyouko-san rejects him.
『 U-Uhm, Kyouko Messer. Would you like to tell us? 』
Okada asks.
『 Hey, wait. Why are you talking to a person like that politely? 』
A comedian shouts at Okada.
『 We have to think of the possibility that this studio has a bomb set up as well 』
He shouts with his face turned red.
『 We’re in this studio because Kyouko Messer sent the instructions! 』
And Kyouko Messer:
She foretold that she’ll kill Yukino and the reporters.
「 Yes, you’re right. There’s also one in there! 」
『 Uwaaaaa! 』
The studio is in an uproar.
「 Don’t move, if anyone tries to escape, I will detonate it 」
Kyouko-san said in a low voice.
「 I can check the studio from all angles, you can check if I’m lying or not. As long as you don’t care about your life that is 」
『 Hey, nobody move! 』
The director of the program shouts.
『 I beg you! Calm down! Please 』
Kyouko-san holds Yukino, the reporters, the comedians, and the TV staff as hostage.
「 It’s boring, the guy sitting over there, you’re a comedian, right? Could you tell me a joke? 」
The comedians look at each other.
「 I’m telling you guys that I want to laugh 」
Then.
『 Hey, let’s do it, Ogu 』
Then, the bald comedian from earlier tells the guy who seems to be his partner.
『 But, Snatch 』
『 You idiot! If we make everyone laugh, then we’ll be legends you know? 』
『 That said 』
Then.
「 Gahahahaha, that “That said” just now was amusing! 」
Kyouko-san laughs.
『 Hey, let’s do it! 』
『 Y-Yeah 』
『 Ognsa’s short play! 』
『 Summer vacation school 』
The two begins their play.
But.
T-Too boring.
W-What’s this?
「 Oh what? Your skit was more boring than “that said” from earlier 」
Kyouko-san said.
『 T-There’s no way we could be comedic in this kind of situation! 』
The bald comedian, snatch, was it? He shouts loudly.