I anticipated the scene of a terrorist attack on the kitchen when I rolled in, but…
“Miss Lyu, hello, hello, it has been a long time. Please pardon this one for not speaking to you in so long.”
“H-hello.”
Your Majesty! Fenghuang! Call the soldiers! Your husband is lolicon-ing!
“Miss Lyu, have you been well? I apologise for exposing you to even more danger when I offered to have you join us to protect you from harm. I am sincerely sorry,” expressed Emperor Yuansheng, not even noticing the constable in me staring at him.
Raising her head and bobbing it constantly, Miss Lyu replied, “I am well now. Thanks to Young Master Ming’s remarkable medical skills, everyone saw a speedy recovery. I wanted to help you arrest the witch who tried to assassinate you, yet I got in your way. Are you doing well, Mr. Fangzhou?”
Hey, stop bloody glaring at me. I didn’t make you introduce yourself as Mr. Fangzhang. I can’t be bothered with you two cheaters. My food is more important.
I soon spotted two imperial doctors and Ye Luo out cold, with their pupils as white as the froth at their mouth. The only sign they were alive were their faint heartbeats. As for legendary pot that exploded… I couldn’t logically explain how it was possible to blow it to fragments with a fire in the kitchen.
“What was the procedure you followed?” I spun around and questioned.
“I cooked as I always do,” Su Xiao griped.
“Demonstrate.”
“Fine!” Su Xiao scooped up a variety of seasonings and explained, “As I told you. First, add the seasoning to the pot.”
Why the hell did you just dump the seasoning in and stir it? Is this black magic or cooking?
“Next, cut the stuff in the pot up.” Su Xiao whipped out Ancient Cold.
“Wait, wait, wait! You chop the ingredients up with your broadsword?!”
No wonder why the pot was in pieces! Oh my goodness gracious! Now I know why your broadsword has the smell of chilli. Your mother would slap you to the past if she found out you used your family heirloom for cooking.
After I stopped Su Xiao, he grouchily threw in tomatoes and eggs; he almost threw the whole egg, shell included, in.
“That’s about it. Last is adding in the secret weapon and putting the lid on.”
“S-secret weapon?”
Su Xiao hiked up the corner of his lips as he pulled out a small bottle from his shirt: “You want to know what it is? It is… not telling. Hey, don’t snatch! Hey!”
I picked Su Xiao up effortlessly: “Hand it over.”
I wasn’t sure if the fact that Su Xiao was lighter than Mountain Monster or his culinary skills were freakier.
“Where do you think you’re looking while sighing?!”
“Ahem, hand it over.”
I shook Su Xiao to confuse him then snatched the bottle over. Before I opened the bottle, I stopped upon seeing the text written on the label – Thunderbolt Explosive Bomb.
“What in His Majesty’s name did you put an explosive bomb in for?!”
Su Xiao covered his ears as he timidly responded, “I-it’s called creativity…”
Creat-, creat-, argh! How do you expect the pot not to blow up? Do you have grass for brain cells? Oh, my head is hurting!
“Mr. Rong, who works in Liu Shan Men’s kitchen, asked me to buy thunderbolt explosive bombs last time he said he was adding ingredients to the dish.”
“Are you talking about the mixture of mushroom, chestnut, plum, ham, egg?”
“Wait, is that it?”
“Of course. I can remember the name of the combination.”
“Oh,” Su Xiao clapped as he drawled.
Hang on, does this mean I’m the root of the whole incident…?
“Xiao, your culinary skills are terrifying. Have you ever cooked before?”
Su Xiao stroked his chin: “I remember… I cooked once when I was younger. I think I was ten at the time? I don’t remember. It was when my mother and I stayed at Cold Mountain Temple.”
“Cold Mountain Temple?”
It was perfectly normal for residents of Suzhou to visit Cold Mountain Temple as it was for others to visit since they did operate as a temple people could visit to pray and so forth.
“The monks were quite fond of me and didn’t mind me running about. I offered to prepare their dinner when I chanced upon them working in the kitchen and noticed how rough it was for them. Once they ate my cooking, though, they went silent and were deep asleep the next morning; not even my mother would wake up. In the end, they had to close the temple for two days. My mother never let me cook or visit Cold Mountain Temple ever since.”
Clap, ladies and gentlemen. This kid beat one of the Seven Champion White Princes the first time he cooked a meal. Now you need to thank them for being kind because you’d already be six foot under if they weren’t!
I hurriedly poured out the contents in the pot upon smelling a worrisome smell oozing from it.
Emperor Yuansheng popped around to say, “You got it under control? I’ve been waiting for a while and am starting to feel hungry.”
I suppose I should’ve been blamed for eating all the peanuts before.
Emperor Yuansheng snagged a black thing on a big plate and smiled upon seeing my wide eyes, signalling, “Don’t worry. I know there is an amazing array of dishes beyond the palace walls. I’m not the type to be scared about every small thing.
You’re about to go down as the bravest monarch in history.
I reached my hand out to stop Emperor Yuansheng: “M-Master, it looks rather unrefined if you eat with your hands. We should wait. Patience is a virtue.”
“It’s fine. Let’s just stave off my hunger for now.”
How is eating poison fine?! I can whip up some fried rice real fast. Just wait!
“Ming Feizhen, if you stop me again, I will punish you for obstructing me!”
If I don’t stop you, I’ll be punished for letting you die!
This voice from the first floor… sounds familiar… Green Prince?! He even brought men? Wait, why is there a Mount Kunlun adept among them? Oi, oi, is that Patriarch Yi Wangyou? Oh, crud. Maybe I should ask His Majesty to go some time for us t-. Wait, Your Majesty!
I was too late. Emperor Yuansheng’s countenance resembled the earth splitting apart as he clamped his teeth down on the black thing in his mouth. Upon opening his mouth, black fumes escaped while his body went the opposite way, eyes rolled back.
Your Majesty! Your Majesty! Your Majesty!