Kairos raised his hands up.
“Alright, I guess you’re right, but acting out as my father is only going to creep me the hell out.”
Tiana put a finger on her chin.
“What about your mother?”
Kairos’ eyebrow twitched.
“That’s no better. Plus didn’t you forget that you’re shorter than me?”
Tiana put her hands on her hips.
“What? So you wouldn’t care for your mother if she was shorter than you?”
Kairos looked at her strangely.
“…Look, the point is that I refuse.”
Tiana pouted.
“But it worked well for me! Though you really could’ve done a better job pretending to be my father.”
Kairos massaged his temple with the tip of his finger.
“It’s not going to work for me. Just drop it.”
Tiana clicked her tongue.
“Fine.”
Kairos sighed.
“Why do you care so much anyway?”
Tiana tilted her head to the side.
“Well, I figured since you helped me out, I should help you as well.”
Kairos waved his hand dismissively.
“Then just forgive me for randomly killing one of the people and we’ll call it even. I’ll try to think of something for my sanity later.”
Though a part of him thought about asking about something material, he decided he wanted to associate with her less. Plus, it wasn’t as though he could really ask for money since the whole currency system essentially broke down.
…But maybe it wouldn’t be a terrible idea to reestablish it as the logistics person. Perhaps later, when things calmed down slightly.
Tiana scratched the side of her head.
“Wait, what if we try pretending that you had a girlfriend? You could try it out with Nicole, or if she’s not comfortable then I could also try.”
Kairos felt like an aneurysm was forming.
“That’s even worse.”
With that, he turned and began walking to the door.
Tiana looked at him for a few more moments before pointing toward the board.
“What about taking a look at the charts to better understand the situation of the city?”
Kairos waved his hand dismissively.
“I’ve already watched them for a bit, getting the gist of it.”
He had actually already seen all of the data on the charts. His brain was used to processing a lot of information at once, considering his ability to see through the future forced him to constantly be exposed to so much.
Though it definitely wasn’t memorized, he did have a good grasp on the overall state of the city. Which, according to the statistics presented, was fairly stable. Though, considering how many things could go wrong, Kairos wasn’t relaxed about it just yet.
However, Tiana thought he really just gave a short glance, not really caring.
“Gah, whatever then.”
She went back to tidying up her own things, while Kairos exited the room.
Upon reaching the hallway, Kairos took the time to think about improving his sanity, trying to take the problem as logically as possible, though he found his desire to act logically was waning.
Kairos was unsure why, but couldn’t think of anything.
Though, when he did think about logic, it made him think about Quinn, the scientist that wasn’t actually a scientist. He decided to go to him and check it out.
He soon reached the room Quinn should’ve been in and knocked.
From inside, a lazy groan resounded.
“…Who is it?”
Kairos rolled his eyes.
“It’s me, I came to talk about some stuff.”
Quinn mumbled.
“Come in then…”
Kairos pushed open the door upon hearing that and closed it behind him right after. Quinn was making faint mumbling sounds, and Kairos followed them to reach him. While walking, he noticed that the bag of chips from earlier was empty and crumpled up.
Upon reaching Quinn, he saw him resting in the bed. The once clean sheets were dirtied pretty badly, but that was more or less inevitable. Kairos quickly realized that Quinn was sick.
Kairos blinked a few times.
“You don’t look so good.”
Quinn mumbled while sweat poured down on him.
“It doesn’t matter much, just a fever… I should be fine after a day or so, and it won’t affect my actual capabilities by much.”
Kairos nodded.
“Then you don’t mind sharing your opinion a little bit?”
Quinn shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t mind.”
Kairos nodded.
“You talked before about the troubles of sanity. Do you know what kinds of actions would help with that?”
Quinn rubbed his chin.
“I would tell you the kinds of facilities to create for the sake of stabilizing people in general, but it seems you wish to know something for yourself.”
Kairos raised an eyebrow.
“How did you know that?”
Quinn took in uneven breaths, but his voice was steady.
“I felt that you were quite unsteady. It was almost like you were a kid that ate too much sugar trying to suppress the extra energy.”
Kairos raised an eyebrow. The slight frown on his face seemed to disagree with the ‘extra energy’ statement.
“Well, while it is for me, I sure don’t feel like I have too much energy.”
Quinn let out a weak chuckle.
“Haha, I was just thinking about sweet things. More accurately, you seem quite antsy.”
Kairos decided to take him seriously.
“What do you mean?”
Quinn shut his eyes.
“It didn’t seem so bad earlier on, but you almost seem like an addict that is facing withdrawal.”
Kairos furrowed his brows.
“But I’ve never even smoked a cigarette before. How would I be facing withdrawal?”
Quinn took a deep breath.
“Do you think you have depression? Or at least, perhaps a mental condition that may not be classified as such, but perhaps something that is a bit lighter.”
Kairos didn’t really get it, but decided to go along.
“Uh, yes?”
Quinn hummed.
“People that tend to face many painful events, and very few happy ones tend to have their senses numbed. It’s one of the many things the brain automatically does to try and protect its host.”
He pushed aside the sheets to gesture with his hands.
“However, it isn’t that rare for this numbness to go out of control, making it hard for the person in question to feel anything at all. The brain tends to go overboard many times. This is also shown through the actions these kinds of people tend to take, but that’s unrelated so I won’t talk about it for now. Frankly, that situation is worse than just painful situations.”
He raised a finger.
“In the end, the excessive numbness will make the person crave stimulation and extremely intense ones at that.”
Quinn fell quiet after this part. He seemed to hesitate slightly, but continued on.
“This is why you hear stories of people cutting their wrists. It seems like a completely illogical thing to do. Perhaps something that only someone that has truly gone crazy to perform. Some people just scratch it off as that. But the most common reason is that the person is desperate to feel something.”
He sighed.
“Anything at all.”
Kairos massaged his temple with the tip of his finger.
“And what does that have to do with anything?”
Instead of answering, Quinn asked another question.
“I don’t see any scars on your body, but I assume that with the onset of evolution, those would have healed. Have you ever cut yourself?”
Kairos did not respond immediately.
In technicality, he never actually did. However…
He had stabbed himself with a knife regularly before.
“…Well, in a certain way, yes.”
Quinn seemed a little surprised. Though that response confused him, he decided not to ask about it.
“And I assume you haven’t done so recently?”
Kairos blinked a few times, realizing what he was getting at.
“No.”
Quinn sighed.
“I guess you understand now.”
He came to realize even the slight pain in his head was essentially gone while he had his glasses on. That was something he wasn’t quite used to. Kairos was almost sure that was a good thing.
But he was actually depending on the pain to stay sane.
For the longest time, he thought he was stabbing himself with a knife because he wanted to train his pain endurance. And it wasn’t as though that was false, but there was another reason.
For the sake of feeling something. That was why he did it so obsessively.
When Kairos thought about it, he found that everything began to make so much more sense. He almost felt incredibly stupid for not realizing it earlier.
But why?
Kairos thought back to the time he made assumptions, locking himself out of answers, and came to enlightenment. He was making assumptions, but just in a different way.
While he was good at always thinking in order to logically figure out his problems, after he assigned a solution or a reason, he tended to stop thinking about them entirely.
It wasn’t as though he gave it the wrong solution or reason, but that things were complicated. The world was a complex thing, meaning multiple reasons is far from a rare thing. These tiny slips of judgment also made Kairos stupidly think the reason for his distance between Nicole was that she didn’t protect him from the bullying.
It seemed he would have to reevaluate many other things he believed to be true, but he decided there was time to think about that later.
Kairos clicked his tongue.
“So basically, I gotta stab myself?”
Quinn sighed.
“While the consequences aren’t as severe since you should be able to regenerate the wounds fairly quickly, it isn’t a realistic solution.”
Kairos nodded.
“Continue explaining please.”
Quinn cleared his throat, speaking through his sickness.
“Things like depression exist because there are many downward spirals that just continue sending you deeper into it. Cutting yourself sets you right on track to one of them. By experiencing pain, the only thing it will do is make your brain further numb your already numbed body.”
He gave a glance to Kairos.
“Assuming you survive your own cutting, even that eventually won’t be enough. And at that point, you will be an emotionless husk, unable to feel anything. At that point, you might as well not be a person. No, you probably aren’t even considered a living being.”
Quinn turned back to look at the ceiling.
“In the end, you won’t even care enough to kill yourself. Though, chances are you will die soon enough, as even the feeling of hunger won’t exist. Maybe you would even forget to breathe, though that probably won’t happen.”
Kairos took a deep breath.
“Wow, you seem to know a lot about this, and even can formulate it in a logical way…”
Quinn shrugged.
“It’s nothing special.”
Kairos massaged his temple.
“So basically I need to feel positive emotions in order to shake off my numbness, is what you’re saying?”
Quinn hummed.
“It will take a while, and it will be especially hard during the apocalypse, but that’s the gist.”
Kairos clicked his tongue.
“Sounds like a massive pain. The brain really likes doing useless things, doesn’t it?”
Quinn let out a faint chuckle.
“I wouldn’t say useless, but rather it goes overboard. Anyways, to start, I recommended doing exercise. It will give you stimulation in a more healthy way, so you don’t have to resort to cutting. On top of that, your brain will release serotonin, which is a mood stabilizer that is generally lacking in those people with depression-related symptoms.”
Kairos nodded.
“That seems much simpler. And much less of a pain.”
Quinn yawned.
“Indeed. Though just remember, while exercise is a great help, it is better to also reach out to others to improve your condition.”
Kairos laughed.
“Alright, I got it. That was a great help, thanks.”
He then walked out of the room.
When Quinn heard the door click shut, he mumbled to himself.
“If only I followed my own advice.”
A bitter smile formed on his face.
“I wonder why, even when it seems like I have all the answers.”