Kat took in a deep breath before she began speaking and then headed straight into it. "Right… so, um… well I guess there is at least two parts to this? So if I'm going to be explaining it all to you… um… how would you like me to go about it? I mean, I can try and start in chronological order, just go through the events as they happened while I was back with Xiang…
"Or alternatively I could look at the two major, and maybe one minor event in separate chunks, allowing for commentary in between all of them. They are different enough that you might want to ask my questions about them immediately and we might be able to have a more interesting discussion that way…
"Of course, I could also try and go over it in… well I suppose I should say the more… morally sound choices and then head towards the things that are more grey. I mean… not to say that I regret any of them… I think I made great choices, why…" At this point it was more than clear that Kat was simply speaking to avoid actually conversing about the topic in question. She was abusing her demonic energy to allow herself to keep speaking without the need to stop in and take a deep breath.
This made it so that none of the others could really jump into Kat's tirade without simply being talked over. Lily and Vivian shared a look with each other in the front of the car, as they wondered what to do about this issue.
Sylvie of course, decided to take matters in her own little hands with gusto. She grabbed onto Kat's tail, pulled it up to her mouth, and bit down. Hard. It wasn't painful to Kat, and with her demonically enhanced strength and regeneration as well as the location of the 'attack' meant that it wasn't painful or damaging in any way. But it was a shock.
Kat's endless stream of words faltered as she spluttered and tried to get her head back together just as Sylvie removed the appendage from her moth and then hugged it against herself. Once Sylvie determined Kat to be sufficient coherent, she said, "Do you wanna actually talk now Kat?"
Kat paused, and hung her head down in shame. *It's… it's not like I was… ok yes I was trying to just ramble to avoid the topic. Forgive me dammit I'm nervous.* Of course, then her gaze raised just a fraction so that she could see Sylvie hugging her tail, and another spike of guilt stabbed its way into her heart. *I suppose they do deserve to know.*
Kat sighed. "Right, I'll do this properly then. I'd like to start with the bandits. Here's what happened…"
Kat gave the full details once again, only cleaning the language of the bandits up a slight amount for Sylvie's sake. It was a wasted endeavour really, because even with Kat trying to sanitise it a bit, Sylvie could recognise and infer plenty from how Kat changed things and the look on her face. Lily and Vivian were old enough and smart enough to figure it out as well, and while nobody said anything, it was clear to everyone that they were on the same page, somewhat to Kat's disappointment.
"There was nothing you could have done Kat" said Vivian as she drove. Clearly saddened by the information, but not overly so.
Kat winced. "Well, that's just it, I think I really could have done something. I was low on energy sure but I wasn't exactly THAT low"
Sylvie snuggled into Kat when she heard that to show her support, but it was Lily who spoke up, "No, I think Vivian is right. If they attacked you first, were defeated, and then struck out at you once again, there really isn't anything you could do. Maybe not in the more literal sense, but they clearly left you with no choice"
Kat sighed. "Yeah, I get that, and that doesn't really bother me it's just… well that actually. The fact that it doesn't really bother me at all? I… I was more, and I guess still am, more worried about what you all think of me now"
Sylvie, saddened by the fact that it was impossible to further snuggle into Kat due to her previous actions, attempted to do so anyway, while strengthening her hold on the demon. Vivian's gaze softened a bit at that and said. "Kat, it really is fine. I won't say that I'll love you no matter what, but as your mother I will say that this much is fine. We aren't going to hate you as something like this."
Kat felt… strange about the reply. Sure Vivian had said similar enough things before but… she just felt a lot closer to an older sister than anything else, her and Callisto as a sort of odd pair of elder sisters if anything. Still, the words were comforting… they weren't simply a platitude where Vivian said Kat could do ANYTHING, but that also caused her concern. Where was the limit? And did she even want to know the answer to that.
Lily, took a very different approach. "Do you think it's because you're a demon? I mean, I know that if I chose vampire, I'd be likely to feel similar, or maybe even less concern. I mean… I don't think that's a problem, it's fine if that's what happened but I mean… maybe?" said Lily stammering slightly at the end, seemingly unsure if she wanted to make the point.
Kat let out a long sigh at Lily's words. *Yeah, that's one of the things I worry about.* "I'm not sure Lily. I did consider it as well… but I'm really not sure I like hearing that any more. It… it sorta feels like I'm just trying to make it someone else's problem you know? Not that I'm say… blaming the system? But it feels like shifting the blame really."
"But what if there is no blame you need to shift?" said Sylvie, her soft voice cutting through the conversation like a knife. The words were softly spoken, and Kat could only tell the others in the car actually heard Sylvie speak because of the obvious flinching they both did.
Kat let her mind churn around the idea and considered it for what it was. A good question. *Indeed Sylvie. What if there is no blame? I… I hadn't considered that. I was so busy trying to figure out what everyone might think of me… no I was assuming they WOULD think less of me and maybe I was just trying to find some justification.*
Kat hugged Sylvie closer with a smile. "I think Sylvie's right… for the most part. I'm afraid I should go over the rest now, and mention why it's so much more complicated. Is breaking into a criminal's home wrong? What if you do and they defend themselves? Well, here's what happened…"
Kat spoke of her few thoughts leading up the assault on the compound and the events inside. Kat decided that she couldn't sneak much past her rather observant friends, and made sure that all she did was gloss over exactly how much pain she was in, instead phrasing it as more general confusion while trying to imply some numbness.
Of course, on hearing the fact that Kat was stabbed through the chest repeatedly, and came so close to death multiple times, the rest of the car's inhabitants put on big frowns. They didn't interrupt at all, and even after Kat finished her story nobody seemed to know what to say, until Vivian spoke up.
"Well, firstly, I can say you did the right thing with Xiang at the end. You had no way of knowing what he was going to do at this point, but it's clear that he was about to do something unforgivable, maybe even in his own eyes if he wasn't in control, and you stopped him. I agree that it's unclear if you should think of him as dead, but I agree that the answer is probably not." Said Vivian… diplomatically. It was clear that she wasn't happy with the events, but Kat was unsure where the ire was directed.
"Well I think you did the best you could" said Lily jumping in. "The sort of things that you might be made to do as punishment, even if you mentioned earlier that Kara said it wasn't that bad. I think you did what you could during the whole thing. You stopped Xiang when you needed to, and you attacked those flaming sect guys when you did as well.
"They clearly weren't good people, and I think they can probably heal up right? I mean, you said Xiang recovered from his injuries decently fast, and that Xiao dude completely fixed himself quite a few times in a row so… even though what you did seems excessive really the worst thing you did was probably bringing Xiang along at all… but he might have been possessed somewhere along the way so maybe that's what you should blame it on?"
Author's Note
So I decided to clarify some things. Despite what is said, not everyone really understands what it's like to see someone die, and be even partially responsible. Callisto knows, and doesn't care, but Vivian and Sylvie don't fully understand.. Lily, does understand well enough, but she's more than willing to overlook flaws in Kat's character if she doesn't consider them serious.