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Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

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Chapter 300: Female Crosstalk Students of the Training Society

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Chapter 300: Female Crosstalk Students of the Training Society

Chapter 300: Female Crosstalk Students of the Training Society In this crosstalk performance, Qi Long's long monologue became the most talked-about point among the audience, and when the encore performance came, everyone wanted to see him perform another long monologue. Qi Long also responded to the audience's request, but he called Dong Qiang to the front of the stage, and the two of them spoke in unison about the fisherman Jiang Taigong in "Eight Screens". If it weren't for the different timbres of the two people, Qi Long's voice was relatively crisp, and Dong Qiang's voice was relatively thick, forming a manual reverberation, it would sound like the same person was speaking. After he finished speaking, he naturally received another round of applause. Lao Guo, who was in charge of hosting the backstage, came up and said with emotion that the ones who speak and perform the lines are usually the funny actors on the stage, but in fact the supporting actors are also good at speaking the lines, or even better. They are the strongest backing for the funny actors, and will immediately take over if there is a mistake to prevent any stage accident. He led everyone in giving applause to the supporting actors. After a performance, Qi Long and Dong Qiang took the high-speed train back to the capital. When they got off the train and stood in the underground parking lot looking for Xiao Chi's car, two cameramen carrying cameras rushed up, followed by several big-name staff members headed by Yan Min. "What's going on?" Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang were both stunned. Was "The Comedy Club" going to start filming suddenly again? Yan Min opened the notebook and said, "Dear Mr. Gao Dongqiang, your two-week journey is about to begin. You will be a porter. Will you go to the airport with us?" "Ah? Isn't the trip in three days?" Dongqiang opened his mouth wide.

Qi Long on the side was already gloating and laughing: "Director Yan Min's show doesn't follow the routine, go ahead!" "No, I haven't packed my things yet!" Dongqiang said speechlessly. This time he was on a business trip, from the Shanghai special performance to the island recording and then to the Tianjin Guo Degang special performance, he only brought three sets of clothes and two sets of performance gowns in four or five days, which was not enough for the trip. Qi Long silently opened the box and gave him all the disposable shampoo, shower gel, toothbrush, etc. that he had cleared out at the hotel: "Dongqiang, this is all I can do to help you, hahahaha." Dongqiang threw his hands in annoyance: "Why do I need this thing? We must have these in the hotel when we go to the tourist destination." Qi Long waved his hand: "No, no, no, you really don't make a travel guide. Would Yan Min be so kind as to let you stay in a hotel? You must find it yourself. B&Bs are much more affordable than hotels. B&Bs may not have this kind of thing. Take it!" “Okay!” Dongqiang reached out and took it again, complaining to the production team: “I haven’t made a strategy yet, I plan to do it in the next three days!” Yan Min took out a book about European customs and practices that was as thick as a dictionary and handed it to Dong Qiang: "We have prepared it for you. You can make a plan as much as you want during the more than ten hours of flight!" "Haha!" Qi Long laughed unkindly and waved at Dong Qiang: "Good luck to you!" Qi Long got home and bought a fish at the market to cook. This was the simple but delicious steamed fish he learned from the chef in that episode of the cooking showdown. First, clean the fish and remove the black film that produces the fishy smell. Wash it several times, then marinate the fish with salt and scallion and ginger water. Finally, put the scallion and ginger in the pot and steam it. Then make a sauce with steamed fish soy sauce or something like that. After the fish is out of the pot, pour out the water on the bottom of the plate and replace it with the sauce. A simple and delicious steamed fish is ready. Once this dish is prepared, add the braised duck and braised vegetable platter bought from the market and dinner is ready. After Zhang Wanyi came back, they could start eating. The fiancée was also very considerate and ate the steamed fish made by Qi Long, and then praised him highly. Qi Long knew that this compliment was a bit exaggerated, but he was still happy to accept the emotional value provided by his fiancée. The two of them chatted while eating. In fact, they had been video calling each other every day during the nearly one week they had been apart, so they knew each other's schedule very well. Qi Long remembered that she accompanied her best friend to the Deyun Training Institute. She said that her best friend was noticed by Teacher Guo and wanted to try crosstalk, so she went to the training institute to learn. Qi Long, who always felt that girls were at a disadvantage on the crosstalk stage, was curious: "How is she doing?" "You've learned very well. Even Mr. Gao praised you. You can go and take a look at it later and ask for some guidance. Hahaha. By the way, have you seen the dialogue of our nephew and apprentice that I filmed for you?" Zhang Wanyi asked. Zhang Wanyi didn't just go to the training class to accompany her bestie, she also went to look for small fish and shrimps and brought some delicious food for the two children. "They are so funny. They told me that I should not eat food given to me directly by others. We are crosstalk performers and we make a living by our own ability, not beggars!" Zhang Wanyi said, recalling the two children's "little adults" behavior and couldn't help laughing.

Qi Long was also amused when he heard this. This is the dignity of a crosstalk artist, which is different from that of a beggar. So when he goes out to record a variety show, he will refuse any offers of money from passers-by, crosstalk fans, and show fans to treat him to a meal. Crosstalk performers make a living by their own skills, they are not beggars! "I've learned the rules!" "I said, then you guys should perform a show for me, and I'll give you the food, and then I won't be treating you like beggars!" Qi Long was curious: "What did they say?" "If you don't have enough skills and can't perform, you will ruin your reputation as a teacher!" According to the rules of crosstalk, you cannot perform without the master's permission, especially you cannot perform for money, because if you perform badly, you will lose face for the master. Only when the master gives the nod can you perform. "Okay, hahaha, then what?" Qi Long asked. "Then I told them I was your fiancée, and they became rude." "Hahahaha, a gift from an elder cannot be declined. These two guys are really good!" Qi Long was happily chatting with his wife whom he hadn't seen for many days, but soon he received a video call from Dong Qiang. After the call was connected, Dong Qiang hid in a corner with a worried look on his face. "What's wrong? If you have any sad news, just tell us and make us both happy!" Qi Long put his cell phone against the vinegar pot on the dining table and asked Zhang Wanyi to come and say hello to Dongqiang. Dong Qiang sighed and said, "Do you know who I am guiding this time?" "Who?" Qi Long really didn't know. He didn't pay attention to the preparation of Yan Min's program and just made some suggestions in the early stage. "Mr. Lü Zhong, who plays Wu Zetian; Ms. Cai Ming, a skit actor; Xu Fan, the wife of Director Feng; and Wang Lin, Aunt Xue. These four are older than the last. Their assistants gave me a lot of instructions. One needs to take blood pressure medicine; the other needs to take some health supplements at fixed times. Oh my god!" Qi Long smiled and said, "Isn't there someone younger to help you share the burden?" "Younger ones? Forget about it. The last time we recorded the show, the production crew almost couldn't handle Meng Ziyi!" "Hahahahahaha, good luck to you. What time is your flight?" Dong Qiang sighed: "It's nine forty in the evening. I'm having a headache in the corner now, so I called you to complain. Jiao'er, you screwed me over!" Dong Qiang already knew that it was Qi Long who recommended him. "Hurry up and write down the time you need to take the medicine and the dietary restrictions you should avoid, and put them on your phone's desktop. It would be best if you use an alarm clock. What's the point in complaining to me?" Qi Long gave him advice. Dong Qiang: "Okay, okay, I won't say any more. I still have to find a way to book a pick-up service at the airport. The production team acted as a person and gave me an address. They said that the first place to stay had been contacted in advance. After that, we have to come by ourselves. Bye!" Dongqiang hung up the phone, and Qi Long immediately got up and walked to the bedroom, searching for the 9:45 flight. He asked about the flight time because he wanted to help. Dongqiang had no internet on the plane, so the guide he made would be useless. I helped him collect some key information and let him sort it out. Qi Long knew that Dong Qiang must have calculated that he would help him, so although the call seemed like a complaint, it was actually a request for help! At the airport, Dong Qiang, who was all smiles in front of the veteran female artist and the young girl Meng Ziyi, frowned once he faced the camera himself. But the production team discovered something magical: after he called Qi Long, his frown relaxed, as if he was no longer worried. After flying for more than ten hours, Dongqiang calmly reminded the tour group members on the plane to take medicine as needed and rest as needed. After landing, he couldn't wait to open his phone and told everyone not to worry: "My strategy guide is coming." Sure enough, Dong Qiang received a message from Qi Long, a PDF file. He couldn't wait to open it, and saw an emoticon package of Qi Long being used as a mop by Dong Qiang on the concrete floor. There is another sentence when you scroll down: For a gentleman, revenge is never too late, even after ten years; for a villain, revenge is never too late! Further down, there is an emoticon package of Qi Long with a preaching expression on the crosstalk stage, with the text: It is better to rely on yourself than to rely on others! "Hahahaha." The program crew members were all laughing wildly. Dong Qiang looked depressed and pressed the voice message: "Qi Long, your uncle!"

After hearing what Zhang Wanyi said, Qi Long, who came to the study center to watch the two children grow up, received the news and immediately posted a real travel guide, and then immediately withdrew it. "Swearing, then I won't give it to you if you swear?" Dong Qiang's voice message came again: "I said, Qi Long, you are my uncle, the European signal is stuck, the two words are blocked!" Qi Long stopped teasing him and sent him the information he had searched for seriously. They were all tourist attractions in countries near where he had landed. The accompanying text stated key information such as whether reservations were required, ticket prices, the best time to visit, and how much a tour guide would cost. Dongqiang only needs to plan his own route and time. In addition, some restaurants that are widely praised by international students on the Internet were also marked out by Qi Long. They are all near tourist attractions. People can either go there after dinner or eat after seeing the scenery. It is up to Dong Qiang to decide. Qi Long is not his biological mother, so it’s enough for her to help. After having fun with Dongqiang and creating some show effects, Qi Long went about his own business. Today, he came to see the learning progress of Xiaoyu and Xiaoxia. As soon as the big class was over, Qi Long called the two children to the small classroom and asked them to recite the passages they had recently learned one by one. Jin Xiaoyu came first: "Don't look at me as a child, children are not simple either!" Qi Long knew that he was going to be the kid in "Eight Screens": "You tell me, I'll listen!" Xiaoyu took a deep breath: [Thinking back then, Wen Yanbo of the Song Dynasty, as a child, had the wisdom to fill a hole with a floating ball. Sima Wengong, had the strategy to break a jar to save his child. Kong Rong of the Han Dynasty, at the age of four, knew the etiquette of giving up a pear.] Qi Long sat on the chair, tapping his fingers on the armrests, watching his nephew recite the lines in a serious manner. The tone and rhythm were all fine, even the facial expressions and movements were included. When talking about Zhou Yu making Cao Cao flee in panic, he had an expression of amazement. At the end, he gave a thumbs up and said that Zhou Yu was the leader among the children, his face full of admiration. Qi Long nodded secretly in his heart: "Very good, Xia Lingyuan, you come!" "Okay, uncle, I'll give you a Geography Map." The shrimp performed well, so Qi Long nodded and changed to the fish. After listening to each of them say seven or eight paragraphs, Qi Long checked the lyrics of "Taiping" again. After checking everything, he asked, "I heard that you will have a simulated performance this afternoon. Just say a few words and then recite the running words. It should be no problem for you two to perform as you did just now. Uncle will watch your performance from the audience, okay?" "it is good!" "Behave well, and I'll take you two for burgers!" "Okay!" This time Xia Lingyuan's voice was obviously raised by octaves. The simulated stage is actually equivalent to a monthly exam, which is held every month. You have to show the teacher what you have learned that month. The students were both guest audience members and actors, and they all needed to say a few simple words and then demonstrate what they had learned. It's basically the same job, talking about the eight screens, geographical maps, naming dishes and the like, and you can tell who's good and who's bad at a glance. Partners are free to pair up, but both the funny and the supporting roles must show off a little. "Long" Gao Feng waved to Qi Long on the side and said, "A new actress came a few days ago. She's not bad, but everyone has a partner now. You're here just in time. Can you measure her?" "Okay, no big deal!" Qi Long nodded in agreement. There are other teachers in the college, but they are all responsible for grading. It would be inappropriate for the judges to be contestants, so Qi Long, who came to join in the fun, was arranged to be there. The actress's name is Zhao Yunyi. Qi Long had met her at the Drum Music Society before. She is one of Zhang Wanyi's best friends. She is quite funny and is very popular with the audience after she goes on stage.

She was recently transferred from the drum music society to the training class, so she was the first one to go on stage. After Yang He and the director announced the show, the two of them went on stage. Standing next to Qi Long, the girl was visibly nervous. The students below applauded him. After Zhao Yunyi bowed, he opened his mouth and said, "I know your applause is not for the two of us!" "Is it for me alone?" Qi Long asked. "That's right, you are our uncle. Standing next to you is like putting tape on a light bulb!" "What do you mean?" Seeing her start with a witty remark, Qi Long continued. "Take advantage of me!" "Look, how polite!" Qi Long said. "But everyone, I also have my advantages. There are so many students in the Deyun Training Institute, so many crosstalk performers in the Deyun Society, but I am the only one who is different." "What's the difference?" “I’m a female comedian.” Qi Long said, "Ouch!" "I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't told me!" Except for Gao Feng and a group of crosstalk teachers who just smiled, the other students laughed loudly. This is what a mature crosstalk artist does, he can make jokes out of his words even if there is no punchline. "What's that look in your eyes? You can't even tell a man from a woman!" Qi Long shook his head: "I don't dare to assume your gender!" This statement is hilarious again. China only has males and females, but other countries have countless genders. Every time someone with obvious male characteristics is said to be male, it's crazy. Why do you assume my gender? The students all surfed the Internet and understood the joke, but the teachers didn’t and looked at each other in confusion. Zhao Yunyi didn't understand either, but she responded quickly: "Well, I'm telling you now. I'm a woman, the only female student. You all are welcome to listen to my crosstalk. Now you can listen to it for free, but it may not be the case in the future. I have a big dream!" The two of them didn't get along, and Qi Long also wanted to test her reaction ability, so he said something shocking: "You want to be the wife of the young master?" The whole audience burst into laughter, and even the teachers couldn't stand it anymore. Qi Long was such a bad boy. Didn't he put the kid on the stage? Zhu Hecong was indeed influenced by Qi Long. Zhao Yunyi quickly shook his head: "No, no, no" Qi Long was full of surprise: "You are not even satisfied with being the young boss's wife, so why do you want to be the boss's wife?" The laughter instantly escalated and the students applauded. Zhao Yunyi shook her head in fear, and Qi Long deliberately pretended that she was dissatisfied. Seeing the reaction from the audience, Zhao Yunyi looked at Qi Long: "Uncle Master, can women only rely on men? Can I only be the crosstalk queen or the crosstalk princess? I want to be the crosstalk queen, Wu Zetian!" As soon as she said this, the audience applauded. Her words also followed up on what Qi Long said about her dissatisfaction with the young master's wife. Qi Long's mind was working quickly, and he asked, "Wu Zetian?" "Correct!"

"Marry the father and then the son!" The whole audience was boiling with excitement. Either he was going to be famous or he just went on stage to do something, tell a joke and rock the place! (End of this chapter)

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