“Hahaha.”
Orson burst out laughing, his gaze falling to Delilah.
“You and your usual reactions. When rejecting someone, at least try to do it more politely.”
Though he said that, he didn’t seem to mean any of his words. In fact, looking at him, he seemed proud of her.
On the other hand, Delilah just stood there, her gaze moving away from me.
It… almost didn’t seem like she wanted to look at me at all.
I bit my lips.
“Actually, I—”
“Oh, would you look at the time? It’s time for the Congress to start. Keep up the good work, Julien. Give your father my greetings.”
Without giving me any chance to speak any further, he directly left, nudging Delilah with his head.
“No, wait.”
Seeing them leave, I tried to reach for Delilah, but was quickly stopped by her gaze.
“Ah.”
In that moment, I saw it.
I felt it.
She didn’t want anything to do with me. If I tried to explain myself at this moment, it would only make things worse.
But I still wanted to clear things up.
“About the marriage, it was a joke. I—”
Even as I spoke, she never turned.
Neither did Orson, as he had already moved away.
“…”
In the end, the only thing I could do was stare at her departing back, her retreating figure seeming more distant than ever.
I could only stand in silence while everyone slowly moved to take their seats.
At this very moment, I felt a sharp pain tugging at my chest.
It wasn’t as sharp or painful as any other pain that I had ever felt before.
And yet…
For some reason.
It hurt more than anything I had ever experienced before.
Before I realized it,
I had fallen for her harder than I had even imagined.
“Everyone, please get seated. The Event will now begin shortly.”
A moment later, the attendant called out, and I absentmindedly headed over to a seat and plopped down.
The Emperor came shortly after, and he soon began his speech.
“I wanted to take this chance to talk about the recent situation within the Northern Kasha. Recently, with the turn of events in the Eastern Kasha, the Northern Kasha has contacted us regarding a possible collaboration to…”
He was saying something important—I think—but his words just went in one ear and out the other. I couldn’t focus on him; all my attention was locked on what was ahead.
Who was ahead.
‘When did it start…?’
I wasn’t sure.
I had been so focused on my goal that I hadn’t had the time to properly focus on myself.
But it wasn’t like I was unaware of my feelings or hers. It was just that… I continuously denied them or put them at the back of my mind.
My goal came before anything else.
This was how things were supposed to be. How they should’ve been.
And yet…
‘I need to get her to listen to me. Why won’t she listen to me…?’
I found myself unable to think about anything but her.
About the situation and how to resolve it.
It was consuming every little thought of my mind, making my chest grow light. I was anxious.
Anxious to clear everything up.
To make her realize I was merely joking.
But that was the problem. The current her… it didn’t seem like she wanted to listen to me at all. Or was this the truth?
Would she actually not listen to me?
“Haa.”
I let out a long breath, leaning my head back and blankly staring at the ceiling.
‘I think… I’m just scared.’
Scared of my own feelings and the future.
Could I even hold onto these feelings of mine? Could I… even be allowed to be happy?
I thought about the answer long and hard.
If it were the me of the past, I would’ve immediately dismissed the thought. I had never truly been happy in my life. From my parents’ death, to my disease, and raising Noel. While I now knew there was more to it than my memories showed, I knew that in those times, I had never been happy.
My life…
It was such a pain.
I couldn’t live like this anymore.
I understood this ever since coming here.
I couldn’t… let what I wanted to slip away from my fingers.
‘…I just can’t.’
Clenching my teeth, I took a deep breath.
‘Right, I can’t.’
I lowered my head to stare at the front again. Towards her back.
Pursing my lips, I closed my eyes.
‘I’m sorry it’s taking me so long.’
***
The Fourth Day of the Congress eventually came to an end. There was only one day left until the Congress came to a close.
I tried reaching out for Delilah, but that simply proved to be an impossible task. She was actively avoiding me.
Hard as I tried, I couldn’t get hold of her.
“Haa.”
Coming back to my room, I came in hopes of possibly finding her here, but that was merely wishful thinking on my part.
I sat down on the bed and covered my mouth.
“What do I do…?”
I slowly reached for my pocket and took out my communication device. I stared at her contact and tried to say something, but stopped.
I had already tried contacting her before. The moment she left, I tried.
But it was no use. She didn’t even look at my messages.
In the end, the situation seemed hopeless.
I—
“So this is where you were.”
A voice suddenly echoed within the room, prompting me to raise my head as a figure appeared from out of nowhere.
He was dressed in a white tunic, featuring an eye intricately embroidered in the center.
“…I am here on behalf of the Saint. Have you thought about the offer that he has proposed to you?”
“Offer?”
“Yes.”
The man nodded, his eyes calm.
“He has sent me to ask you if you have considered it. Recently, his mood has been great as he has just been released from confinement. He heard that you were a great contributor to helping him get out. As a result, he believes you will give him some good news.”
“Good news?”
I almost laughed upon hearing his words.
He, of all people, understood my current stance. There was simply no way for me to hand over what belonged to me to him.
The fact that he had sent someone over to my room directly meant only one thing.
‘He’s just trying to get a rise out of me.’
…Or more specifically, he was planning on taking action.
“Listen…”
I covered my face, trying my best to keep myself rational.
“Now is not really a good time for this. Tell him that I’ll meet him tomorrow, or some other day, to discuss this. I… have other things that I have to attend.”
“You do not.”
The man’s voice came out flat, as though whatever I had planned was meaningless.
In his eyes, I was merely someone beneath him.
Someone who should be lucky to even be talking to him.
“You have only two options. You comply with the Saint’s demand, or we will force you to comply with his demands. There is no other option.”
“No other option?”
I looked directly at the man in front of me.
It was also then that I felt it. Slowly turning my head, I saw several shadows appear from out of nowhere, surrounding me on all sides.
I was trapped.
“This… really isn’t a good time.”
I ruffled my hair.
Things just continued to get worse and worse for me on this day.
“The Saint anticipated the possibility of you rejecting the offer. For that reason, he asked us to personally escort you to where he is. Please do not make things hard for yourself and just listen to commands.”
“Haa.”
I let out another long breath, feeling my toes curl and my chest grow heavier.
“…Wouldn’t things be much easier if he just came to me? How about this, have him come here and let me talk with him. If he comes, I’ll see to discuss an agreement with him.”
“That is not possible.”
The man answered, inching closer to me.
“We have strict orders to bring you to where he is. Do not make things harder for us.”
“Harder…?”
I held tightly onto my chest, feeling the heavy feeling from before growing even heavier, and the blood in my body flowed even faster.
My lips eventually parted open.
“My day… It hasn’t exactly been the best today.”
Raising my head, I looked at the man in front of me.
“In fact, it’s been horrible. So bad that I… am so close. So very close to snapping.”
I pointed at my temple.
“I’ve never snapped before.”
Even when I was tortured to the point of ripping my own hair out, I hadn’t snapped.
Even when I had cancer and slowly found myself dying, I hadn’t snapped.
Even when I had been subjected to several months of torture, continuously pressing the first leaf, I hadn’t snapped.
My voice rose unknowingly.
“…I’ve always had exceptional control over my emotions and my mind. So when I say I’ve never snapped, it’s not because you should test my limits for your own sake. No…”
I shook my head, slowly getting to my feet.
“I’m saying it because I don’t fucking know what will happen if I snap.”
“…..”
A brief silence followed as the man stared at me.
Then—
Smirk.
A sly smirk tugged at the man’s lips as the shadows around me deepened, revealing figures dressed alike, their eyes fixed on me.
“Like I said.”
The man spoke, his voice low.
“You don’t have an option.”
“…..”
Slowly turning my head behind the man, my gaze fell on the mirror resting behind. I watched as I saw my face twist beyond anything I had ever seen before, the muscles on my face squeezing as I brushed my hair back.
Was that me?
“Well, fucking done…”
I locked my eyes with myself in the mirror.
A pair of bloodshot eyes stared back at me as my mind suddenly grew blank.
That was the last thing I remembered before pressing down on the first leaf.
On that day.
I snapped.