A lie.
“…Aunt, I understand everything.”
The life she lived was a lie.
From the woman she hated the most to the one she loved the most.
It had all been a lie.
“I understand that you were also a victim in all of this. I’m sorry for how I treated you in the past. You were never the bad guy.”
Everything. All of it.
It was all because of her.
Because she existed.
“…I now understand who the bad guy is.”
It was only now that she understood the truth.
And the thought…
It shattered whatever fragile pieces were still holding her together.
“It was me. I was the bad guy from the start.”
The realization was what changed her.
She lost sight of her feelings, and the darkness she was so scared of suddenly seemed so comforting.
And all of a sudden, she found herself in this strange state.
A state in which all her surroundings were dark, and she felt in tune with the world. But at the same time, she felt herself lose her sense of self.
She was…
Disappearing.
Drip…!
A warm tear slipped down her cheek.
Opening her trembling lips, she looked at her aunt, who stared back at her with an open mouth. No, her gaze wasn’t on her.
It was in the diary in her hand.
‘Ah, right…’
Kiera tossed it to her.
Her lips trembled as she tried to say something, but the words refused to leave her mouth.
Eventually, she did manage to find her words again.
“You can look at it… It’s hers.”
Her aunt hesitated before reaching for the diary, her fingers trembling as they brushed against its worn cover.
Eventually, she grabbed the diary and opened it to the first page.
Her expression shifted entirely as she slowly lifted her head to look at Kiera, who smiled at her.
“See?”
Though she smiled, her eyes were hollow.
“…I’m the bad guy, aren’t I? I should just disa—”
“You’re right. You’re the bad guy.”
Rose suddenly cut Kiera off, causing her to freeze.
Closing her eyes, Rose’s cold voice echoed in the air.
“You’re the reason she’s gone.”
“Her killer.”
***
Evangeline Mylne.
That was her name.
The name of Kiera’s mother and Rose’s sister.
She was beautiful, kind, and intelligent. She was the personification of perfection.
…But even the most beautiful flowers had imperfections.
Some stood out sharply, while others remained almost invisible.
[There’s nothing better than spring]
[It’s sweet and tender.]
[…But also painful.]
[Because it reminds me of the freedom that I can never have.]
[My daughter.]
[I hate her.]
[Every time I see her, I have the sudden urge to leave.]
[It feels suffocating.]
[All of it.]
[Help me.]
Imperfections weren’t always easy to see.
Some hid their imperfections, while others proudly flaunted them.
Evengeline was the former.
She hid her imperfections from the world, never allowing anyone to catch a glimpse of them.
And that… that was what eventually consumed her.
‘….Is that really what you think happened?’
A voice softly spoke next to Rose’s ear as Evangeline’s figure sat cross-legged opposite her.
‘Do you think the reason why I left is because of that?’
Rose tightened her grip on the diary, her fingers trembling against its worn cover. As her eyes scanned the first lines, her chest grew heavy. Each word clawed at her, suffocating her every breath.
The further she read, the deeper she sank, as if the pages were pulling her into a darkness she couldn’t escape from.
Still, amidst the darkness in the diary, Rose saw something else.
Something… that Kiera probably didn’t see.
‘You’re seeing it, right? The reason why I had to leave. You’re seeing it, right?’
Rose bit her lips, taking a deep breath and raising her head. A pair of frozen eyes met her gaze as Rose closed the diary in her hands.
“It’s true. You were the reason she died. But… You’re not the only one at fault. I also killed her.”
Kiera’s mouth opened, but Rose didn’t allow her to continue.
“I wasn’t the best sister. In order to be perfect, your mother struggled a lot.”
The reason Evangeline was perfect wasn’t just because she wanted to please their parents.
Far from it.
It was also because Evangeline wanted to protect her own sister.
To…
Grant her the freedom she never had.
“I knew of her struggles, but I never did anything to help her. I killed her, just like you did.”
Rose’s chest trembled.
The words hurt so much, and yet, they also felt liberating.
“Your father also killed her. He was very strict with you as a child. Your mother didn’t like that, and the two of them would often get into fights.”
“What are you…”
“There’s also the fact that spring was just about to end. She really liked spring. It’s probably the only season that she liked.”
Spring…
She really liked spring, didn’t she?
Rose recalled the reason why her sister learned how to paint.
It was so that she could capture spring and remind herself of it when it was gone.
“Our parents’ expectations were also what killed her. I think they were proud of her, but at the same time, they failed to see her as a person and more as a tool.”
They were the first ones to set the chains on her.
They were also the first ones to strip her of her freedom.
“There’s also the fact that you were always attached to me. Just look at yourself—you may have her face, but your heart, your mannerisms… they’re mine. I think she was jealous.”
‘I wasn’t jealous.’
She was.
That perfect sister of hers getting jealous…
The thought was somewhat comical.
“H-ha, ha.”
It was absurd enough to make her laugh, though the sound that escaped her lips was tight and strained.
Biting her lip, Rose looked up at Kiera.
She was now looking at her, tears streaming down both cheeks.
“Kh…”
Rose held onto her severed arm and groaned.
The pain from the fight was finally starting to hit her.
Nonetheless, she reached towards Kiera with her remaining hand.
“I was too young and immature to understand how your mother felt back then. I ignored all the signs. And that’s why… I’m the one who’s the most guilty.”
Rose closed her eyes, her chest tightening with such intensity that the pain from her severed arm seemed distant, almost insignificant in comparison.
Opening her eyes again, her face softened.
“…But so what if we’re guilty? I was young and naive back then. That was why I couldn’t do anything for her. You, on the other hand, were just a child. What could you have done for her?”
In some ways…
“You can say that your mother’s death was a result of a lot of unfortunate circumstances.”
From the fights with her husband, to the passing of spring, to her jealousy, to…
“…..”
Rose stopped.
Her eyes started to sting, and her vision was blurry.
Looking ahead, two figures appeared.
One was Kiera, and the other was Evangeline.
They were both looking at her.
Rose’s lips trembled at the sight.
“In… the e-nd, though guilty, the reason why all of this happened was because… she never learned to care for herself.”
She studied to make her parents proud.
She studied to give her sister freedom.
She fought with her husband to give her daughter freedom.
But what about her?
Who fought for her…?
“D-do you know what her imperfection is?”
Kiera shook her head, her cheeks streaming with even more tears.
Rose smiled then.
“She loved too much.”
To the point where she forgot to love herself.
“…That one flaw is the reason she’s no longer here.”
Because that flaw took her away from them.
“Here.”
Rose suddenly turned to the next page of the diary and handed it to Kiera.
“Have a look at it yourself.”
Kiera shook her head, but Rose didn’t care and simply handed the diary back to her.
It was then that Kiera’s eyes fell on the diary again, and her eyes fell on the lines she had never gotten to.
Her entire body froze then.
“A-ah.”
Kiera’s chest trembled once more.
[Whenever I look at her soft, tender features, I can’t help but feel suffocated.]
Reading the first line, she almost felt like dropping the diary again.
It hurt…
It hurt so much.
[I hate the sight of her.]
Why should I read this?
[I hate so much that she looks like me.]
Stop, I…
[But…]
Kiera’s entire body froze.
[…I also love her.]
[I love her too much.]
[To the point where I’m scared.]
[Scared of loving her too much.]
[I’m not a good person. I am flawless, yet so imperfect.]
[That’s why I feel so suffocated looking at her.]
[Because I’m scared of her growing up with a mother that’s so imperfect like me.]
[But I still tried.]
[For the sake of my daughter, I tried.]
[I tried really hard to stay.]
[But…]
[…The more I stayed, the more I started to loathe myself.]
[Every little imperfection stood out like a glaring light. Every flaw was magnified, undeniable. Everything about me… was a reminder of my flaws.]
[Alongside hatred, I felt.]
[Despair.]
[Sadness.]
[…And loneliness.]
[Each day felt more suffocating. As if the little freedom I had was slowly being taken away from me, and that’s when I knew that I couldn’t stay any longer.]
[I tried, but I failed.]
[…Hence why I’m writing this.]
[Because I failed.]
[I failed to look past my flaws. To move past it.]
[None of it is anyone’s fault.]
[I’m just not meant for this world.]
[And…]
[For the little time that I was here, the last few years… they’ve been the best.]
[I hate my daughter.]
[But I also love her more than anything in this world.]
Drip. Drip…!
Several droplets suddenly stained the diary as Kiera reached the end of it.
For the first time since a while back, her eyes regained some clarity.
It was also then that she heard her aunt’s voice again.
“She… didn’t hate you for what you did; s-he hated herself for loving you so deeply because in that love, she saw how little she valued her own…. worth.”
Struggling to keep her breath in check, Rose took a deep breath.
“That’s why you can’t say you want to disappear.”
“That your life is worthless.”
“Because the one she loved the most was none other than you.”
“…And she wanted you to know that.”
Rose slowly turned her head, focusing on the other figure who looked at her with her usual half-hearted smile.
“Aren’t I right?”
Isn’t this the reason you keep haunting me?